RMiddleton

I so wanted to put the word failed before attempts above.

There are times when I have felt that I am approaching... producing something worthwhile?

Why is writing hard?

Subject-verb agreement is something I dislike. For me it's an obstacle between thoughts and words. Alas we cannot communicate in pure thought and we have developed words as an imprecise medium of exchange. I translate my thoughts into words so that I may share them with you. Words also interfere with thoughts, it has been proven. “Interfere” sounds only negative when I could have said “affect.” The image coming to my mind is like clean water and sewage. Any backflow is contamination. I love words! Now might be a good time for me to say that. Words aren't sewage. But I do think words are an incomplete or insufficient translation of thoughts. Example: I find myself thinking, and often before I know it speaking, a cliché. Some phrase I've heard 1,000 times comes to me and I happily grab that prefab piece and add it to my current pondering. It's a relief from the burden of thought. New thinking is work. Prefab ideas, words, and phrases are welcome short cuts. That is, until I realize I'm not saying what I mean — perhaps I am not even sure of my own ideas anymore because I let preexisting ones infiltrate my thoughts. In almost all cases the best remedy is time. Taking time to stop and think and let myself perceive the world, that's a powerful antidote to regurgitating prechewed ideas.

Three latest video posts are previews of what's to come. That is, if I stick to what I have planned currently. The threat of burnout is likely and financial pressures are mounting. Enjoying the process > results is key. For now I hope to adhere to the schedule

Sunday, March 17, 3:30 repeating 2 weeks later It's a book club, it's a support group, it's a new religion:

title above is just cuz titles help with blog organization. I considered that title for what appears below but will omit it if it appears elsewhere. It may become the caption to my 2nd planned stream of consciousness video on YouTube.

Create Share Separate Relate Pause Feel

Create without filter. Thinking, feeling, being alive are the source of creativity. Hinder none of these.


Share. I’ve chosen to be an artist. Many lovely people are designers and marketers, but I am not. I am an artist.

Potential caption to accompany an as yet unpublished video of me talking to myself for over an hour. — Update one week later: Said video is now on YouTube & YewTube. Look at me, doing stuff as planned!

What could easily be judged as the raving of a madman is an attempt to capture genuine self talk. At least since I first learned of Stream of Consciousness literature I fixated on the seeming impossibility of capturing actual thought. I grant that lack of interest in such a project is a possible explanation. The content may indeed be of no general interest and is nearly incomprehensible to boot. To the best of my ability I am not talking to any viewer other than myself. As with the effect of measurement altering that which is measured, I've long felt that recording changes the behavior being recorded. It has been difficult for me to record thoughts. On video and verbalizing I am much more performative than I would be with no recording. Having said that I do banter with myself, have inside jokes, laugh at myself a lot, sing to myself. None of the behaviors in this video are uncharacteristic of me when not being recorded. There will (hopefully) never be a way to record actual thoughts. If a subject were unaware of being recorded their thoughts would be silent. I consider there to be value in this recording as psychological data. I only know my own brain so I could be an extreme outlier. But I do not believe so. Regardless I'm learning how I think. My brain circles back to topics. What is often considered distractability I view as natural functioning. The work of wise decision making happens in the background, I believe. The rapid cycling of thoughts into focus is how my mind operates. Development of ideas takes place consciously as well as unconsciously. My current take is that the unconscious processing is the more valuable. In other words, during healthy functioning an idea cycles back into top of mind more developed than the last time.

While editing a caption for a video hosted on Instagram I copied the revisions:

Long Update, condensed: I will share more about my fiction project soon. My relationship with social media has finally metamorphosed into

Long Update, condensed: I will share more about my fiction project soon. I am transgressing a taboo

#100DaysToOffload a tag created to encourage bloggers to post 100 days in a year. #1000TabsToOffload is a tag I came up with to describe my contribution to the 100 Days, literally just a list of tabs I was keeping open until now:

https://www.berkeleyside.org/2024/02/16/court-ruling-1900-fourth-street

https://fatherhood.gov/about-us