Observed Sunday, the 14th of April
Fort George Island, Florida
YAYAYAYAYAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY! The fireflies were out. So were biting bugs and I wished I had more (natural) bug repellant coating than I did, or to wear long pants and sleeves if I can bear that heat.
Sunset was just before 8:00 p.m. Good viewing begins then, and improves at 8:30 to 9:00 as darkness increases. The most difficult aspect of viewing these fireflies is adjusting our eyes to darkness. Cellphones off or brightness turned way down. Give your eyes time to adjust. Relating to phones and eyes, capturing the fireflies on video or photo is a challenge. I always take some captures but honestly it's better not even trying and just enjoying the live experience. The biting bugs are more easily avoided when continuously moving, another argument against stopping to take images.
I MAY GO BACK TONIGHT! Get in touch, anybody who is interested.
Three latest video posts are previews of what's to come. That is, if I stick to what I have planned currently. The threat of burnout is likely and financial pressures are mounting. Enjoying the process > results is key. For now I hope to adhere to the schedule
Sunday, March 17, 3:30repeating 2 weeks later
It's a book club, it's a support group, it's a new religion:
2 captions:
Sunday, March 17 & Sunday, March 31, at 3:30, I'm hosting “EQ* book club” in my studio at home. It's open to all, but limited to a small group. Contact me directly. I made this video in attempt to show how the gathering might begin. Since the video is bad quality I'll summarize here: About 5 minutes of introduction as your host before I sit down and lead off with about 10 minutes of sharing about personal growth. (In this case I spoke about creating and hosting this event.) Once someone finishes speaking at the actual gathering, I envision a few seconds of silence, after which anyone may constructively comment on what was shared. There may or may not be discussion. Then someone else may share their own personal growth aspirations or a source of inspiration. Round and round like this, with many breaks, for less than the length of a Marvel movie.
*Like IQ, EQ is a measure of emotional intelligence. Truthfully I don't put stock in such things being able to be expressed as a quotient. I do believe in something like “emotional intelligence.” I think it can be improved with practice, and that's what I envision doing for a couple of hours every other Sunday (maybe; always confirm with me directly). I call it book club because it's a similar format, coming into a home to sit and discuss; and if you bring a selection from a book or other media to share, that's great!
Sunday, March 17, and 2 weeks later, Sunday, March 31, I am inviting 6-8 people into the studio for what I have called EQ Book Club. I've also called it my new religion! This video gives some idea of how it might start, but the video is really bad 🙃 so here's a summary: I speak for about 5 minutes of welcome as host, then I sit down and share thoughts and feelings about personal growth that I'm working on. (In this case, I spoke of hosting events, putting new ideas into the world.) When we gather, my 10 minutes of sharing would be followed by a few seconds of silence; then if others would like to share a constructive response they may and that could lead to discussion. Then someone else may choose to share aspirations, a personal growth anecdote, or a source of inspiration. Round and round, with frequent breaks for snacks or whatever — for the length of a Marvel movie (or less). At the end of the vid I say it's a gathering with no purpose, no agenda other than to feel good. I value moments of calm. They are rare. Easy for me to fall into patterns of explanation, justification, defense, offense, condemnation, escape. I aspire to just be, be happy, be healthy, breathe, smile, relate to others kindly. “EQ book club” is biweekly practice for living that way.
It was awkward to make this video bc I don't want anything about this gathering to be a performance. At the same time I had promised to share some idea of what to expect. Also the sound is bad. If I can I'll add captions. (I couldn't easily.)
Altogether that's an attempted commitment for 6 days of a few hours at a time. Beyond the time it's a significant emotional effort. I say “attempted commitment” because as of today, March 13, I cannot predict my solvency or functioning on March 31. I have great fears that the things that matter most to me will never keep me alive financially. “Money can't buy happiness.” Moreover I suspect that it is explicitly impossible to build wealth while maintaining a healthy life. After all, focus on the pursuit of money has not lessened conflict among humanity and is rapidly making our planet uninhabitable. I seek sponsors who might be curious to see what writings and ideas I may create if I continue.
I’m amazed by my certainty that ideas come from the unconscious. If anyone reading this struggles with focus and decision making I strongly suggest you reduce your inputs, embrace silence, and get plenty of sleep. When authors say that their characters determine the story, how do you suppose that happens? What it means is that progress in thinking up a story takes place unconsciously.
Talking on video as much as I do leaves a record of thought development. I can see myself having an idea while talking. It occurs seemingly spontaneously, out of nowhere, because ideas come from the unconscious. Something in the moment likely triggered its appearance. A new idea pops out raw and is often labeled an ADHD distraction. Even if I like the idea I don’t know where to go with it. If I try to take it too far (more than my unconscious has worked on it) I get lost and uncertain. That’s the stage when mistakes are easily made, pushing an idea instead of waiting for it to develop. The best thing for me is to acknowledge an idea that I like that I want to work on, and then to put it aside. Later the idea will come back more refined, without me having spent any time on it consciously. I have seen this pattern repeatedly in my “talking to myself” videos.
title above is just cuz titles help with blog organization. I considered that title for what appears below but will omit it if it appears elsewhere. It may become the caption to my 2nd planned stream of consciousness video on YouTube.
Create
Share
Separate
Relate
Pause
Feel
Create without filter. Thinking, feeling, being alive are the source of creativity. Hinder none of these.
Share. I’ve chosen to be an artist. Many lovely people are designers and marketers, but I am not. I am an artist.
Potential caption to accompany an as yet unpublished video of me talking to myself for over an hour. — Update one week later: Said video is now on YouTube & YewTube. Look at me, doing stuff as planned!
What could easily be judged as the raving of a madman is an attempt to capture genuine self talk. At least since I first learned of Stream of Consciousness literature I fixated on the seeming impossibility of capturing actual thought. I grant that lack of interest in such a project is a possible explanation. The content may indeed be of no general interest and is nearly incomprehensible to boot. To the best of my ability I am not talking to any viewer other than myself. As with the effect of measurement altering that which is measured, I've long felt that recording changes the behavior being recorded. It has been
difficult for me to record thoughts. On video and verbalizing I am much more performative than I would be with no recording. Having said that I do banter with myself, have inside jokes, laugh at myself a lot, sing to myself. None of the behaviors in this video are uncharacteristic of me when not being recorded. There will (hopefully) never be a way to record actual thoughts. If a subject were unaware of being recorded their thoughts would be silent. I consider there to be value in this recording as psychological data. I only know my own brain so I could be an extreme outlier. But I do not believe so. Regardless I'm learning how I think. My brain circles back to topics. What is often considered distractability I view as natural functioning. The work of wise decision making happens in the background, I believe. The rapid cycling of thoughts into focus is how my mind operates. Development of ideas takes place consciously as well as unconsciously. My current take is that the unconscious processing is the more valuable. In other words, during healthy functioning an idea cycles back into top of mind more developed than the last time.
#100DaysToOffload a tag created to encourage bloggers to post 100 days in a year.
#1000TabsToOffload is a tag I came up with to describe my contribution to the 100 Days, literally just a list of tabs I was keeping open until now:
00:07 Just woke up 😕 after less than 4 hours of sleep. that's my typical amount when in severe pain.00:11 Rate pain 2
At this time I was planning to make this post the second in a series titled Rate Your Pain 2 or something based on this toot:
02:18 Argh ok so this is weird but I like to post publicly and hope no one sees it?