RMiddleton

10 steps forward, 11 steps back on a societal scale

It's a recurring thing for me that I do not understand other people's energy. My mother always had unlimited energy that she directed (and directed me) to trivial projects. That's how I feel about most people.

Like, I think if people aren't devoting energy to improvement of self and all humans then that's wasted energy.

I want only to improve myself and with it to improve all humanity... and I have no energy.

---

I have a theory that we who are not welcome are more concerned about benefits for all.

My string of thoughts goes: If I allow myself to selfishly only look out for myself then in fairness, transitively, I allow selfishness. I know that I am condemned by others, my well-being is opposed by some. So I feel that my survival is tied to the betterment of all.

---

the airplane mask example You do need to be selfish to survive I think this is more towards prioritization than selfishness. Because if you function good, you can assist others. But if you can’t function, you won’t be able to assist others.

---

Yes I think that's part of my hope in moving. I don't think it's possible to function in the US without harming others

I'm not saying I'm right. I know I'm not surviving & I'm not functioning. But what I'm saying is that I believe that structurally the US is built on oppression & I do not believe any improvement is possible without facing that & rejecting it.

I believe strength is in numbers. If enough people would stop working for the harmful system & work to help each other then positive change is possible. I think just looking out for oneself prevents positive change.

---

The above is excerpted from a conversation. My current state of despair is global & based on decades. I don't present my thoughts as an argument. I specifically think that the way I am is faulty & incapable of survival. Hiwever I also believe there to be insight in what I say. I do not believe that progress will occur without disruption. It will not flower from current systems. If more people were like me, willing to fully reject the current ways, then improvement might be possible. I arrived at my way of being because I do not believe that “success” in a corrupt system correlates to happiness or satisfaction or peace of mind. My observation is widespread unhappiness under capitalism among all strata. The wealthy busy themselves to flee all thought. I made choices based on that belief. It's not worth the effort to survive & thrive in a system that produces misery for all within it. I'm a conscientious objector.