weekly Rworld news

Fighting anti-humanism is my life's work. I talk about humanism a lot, an annoying amount, and I name half my internet entities humanissome. I do this because I believe that the problems in our world reflect a pervasive anti-humanism. Standing up for humanism is the ultimate fight, the effort to rescue each individual and simultaneously all humanity.

Examples of pervasive anti-humanism and humanistic attitudes to combat them:

Capitalism. Money-centered existence diminishes individuals & humanity. Center what's natural: the body (including emotions), all humans, animals, plants, the planet. Use labor and capital for the benefit of those.

Perfectionism. “I'm right, they're wrong. They're idiots. What's wrong with those people? They're not like me, they're animals.” · “My mind is terrible, I can't remember anything. I'm so fat now. I was better fifteen years ago.” Ranking and judging damages self worth, deteriorates human community. Settle for less. What is is. What is is good. Diversity is good. Perfection is a delusion. Love all. Ok, now, ya hippie, how can you love all?! Equally?! I'm not concerned about equally, that's a ranking urge. I strive to live centered in love. It's not easy. It's work. I love myself and others in our imperfections. I aspire to love all unconditionally.

Minimizing Feelings. “I'm afraid of looking at certain texts, talking to certain people. I'm pathetic. Worrying makes it worse, I should just...” Hating feelings is hating oneself. Feelings are natural, beautiful, human. Instead of seeing a conflict between feelings and reason I seek peaceful coexistence. (Compossibility is an important word in my philosophy for another time.) Feelings are valid. Feelings are who I am. Reason is too. These provide data for me to consider. I can change any time. I make decisions based on feelings and reason.

There's so much more. I started a weekly blog a couple months ago to force me to write and publish constantly. The work builds. There is no perfect. I'm grateful to be working in a space that collects my efforts (corporate spaces usually throw yesterday's unpopular work away). I hope to keep going.

It's hard for me to adhere to a weekly schedule (or any schedule). When I wrote my most recent blog post at https://dotart.blog/rmiddleton I said, “Rob, maybe you should make this your weekly Rworld news post,” and replied, “but it's only been half a week! What if I ever did have subscribers who wanted to hear from me no more than once a week?” Now the weekly post is several days late and though I have ideas — I always have ideas — I do not have the energy to write those. What I am going to do is paste over a series of Mastodon toots I just wrote that I have mixed feelings about (you'll see why). That way I get to let some feelings out somewhere more under the radar than my main social media. So, just to reiterate, when I post more often than weekly it either goes on Mastodon if short @rmiddleton@mastodon.art or it goes on my unscheduled blog @rmiddleton@dotart.blog.

Earlier today someone labeled my views as weird and I said that I agree. There's more to it than that but it's been gnawing at me. I agree that my views are unusual and I have often labeled myself weird, sometimes claiming it's my middle name. That's defensive, similar to queer. I try to take great care with my words and would love to live among others who do also. Carelessness (as I perceive it) is why I do not socialize more. Alternatives to calling what I said weird include: surprising, ahistorical, unsupported, and unusual. The guy did say “weird IMO” so he's simply saying that he disagrees. I have mixed feelings about this post because I'm not trying to start anything; I'm trying to settle my stomach. There are many times when my first reaction to a comment is antagonism. That's wired in me, a white 52 y.o. Gay American rejected at home. I'm happier when I don't accelerate into conflict on social media. I try to “take it.” I could have defended my views more but I do understand the point about art history. I would bet that artists whose work fulfilled a role within a system also made work that was just for them, or they may have felt a conflict between the work that they were permitted to do & work they wanted to do by their own motivation. I'd also make the point that visual art evolving into abstract forms is some proof that as artists became more free their work became more playful. Finally, for my views to evolve beyond prior conventions is nothing new. I feel the same about spirituality and politics. The idea that my understanding of art is out of line with history is unsurprising to me. I believe that I am progressing as much as I am able to within my life. Whether this makes me naive, or delusional, or arrogant, or deranged in the eyes of others is their business — but I would prefer to be spoken to with respect as a lifelong artist who reached my beliefs about art with much time, thought, and care.

8 June I went to Trader Joe's, the store where I still have gift credit. I came home and ate and swam. Made a video while swimming, using my lav mic clipped to my hair.

Then I remade the bed with my better sheets. And I burned some of a scent I like. Now I'm watching the last episode of the animated Amazon show Undone before bed. [1]

Perhaps tomorrow will be a little bit better.

9 June It's now tomorrow. I have eaten and showered and taken care of the dog (including coordinating his in-home grooming appointment) and prepared an overseas package for someone else and read and now written this. I'm thinking my blogging could morph into more simple descriptions instead of attempting to make meaning. I'm waiting for the housekeeper to arrive before I drop the package at a UPS store.

I read from a library book Dream Me Home Safely: Writers on growing up in America (2003) with the express purpose of helping me process my homeland. I enjoyed Julia Álvarez “Ars Politica” and Howard Norman “Birds at Night.” I have a sense that the majority of the rest of the book isn't for me. I will skim.

I think maybe if I chronicle the worthwhile moments of my life in a simple diary I may feel better. I'm currently unable to wrest deep meaning from my thoughts into words. Perhaps it's better to stop trying to do that anyway.

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[1] I'm dog sitting. I love the dog. I'm comfortable with the people enough to be calm in their space — except I dislike the odors and fumes and textures of this home. Oh and this visit I can only watch Amazon because their Apple TV is logged out and the husband doesn't want to walk me through how to get it running. I was here just last week and I'm into Murderbot now! Eee. Also who cares.

to read with a soundtrack play embedded video at bottom of this post

Remember when we made lists in shared notes of things to do, movies to stream, restaurants to go to — and then when we were together we never consulted the lists?!

I can be a broken record. [What a funny metaphor today!] I have discussed before in a blog that I struggle with lists. What does it mean to make a plan & not follow it? That's a big question for my life.

I went to college, didn't finish. What was my plan? My only plan was to get out of my home & my hometown. So once I did that much I ran out of momentum. That's incomplete. It could be expanded with a giant blank:

Once I did that much and {____________________} failed to materialize I ran out of momentum.

I thought that great things would carry me along, once I plunked myself into one of America's greatest universities. [1] At the very least I expected what was in the brochures: mentoring relationships with professors, thoughtful conversations on meaningful topics, energetic focus on how to improve ourselves and our world. I almost got pulled into a thing or two — things that weren't that great, in one case because of a strange, abusive man, and in the other case because the opportunity was mundane. And as far as I remember those were the only opportunities that crossed my path in my years at Princeton. I think most graduates go to New York for finance or consulting. I do not feel I missed anything by missing that. I had difficulties. I left in my senior year and didn't graduate. But if I had managed to finish I was not on track to emerge in bloom. I got the most out of my first year — just getting there, full of enthusiasm — and less the longer I was there. I was detached even while I was still in place.

I enjoyed painting in my last 2 years, but that was entirely from me. The space & materials that Princeton provided were good. The instructor was unobtrusive. My phenomenal experience of painting was all me. It has been ever since. I'm stubborn. I am a painter. I am a professional artist. I have a 30-year career of which I am proud. I have no income & I guess I'm mad about it. I don't want to do more than all that I've already done. If I have to do more than that to earn a right to exist, then what that means is that art is disrespected by my society. I'm at the point where I do not even want to complete forms to apply for things. I want to send images and only write: The work speaks for itself. Can you imagine? Every committee would think I was the most arrogant artist alive! Those words don't even mean that I think my art is “so great.” What I'm saying is that I'm a visual artist. Promote my work or don't. Artists having to fight over scraps disgusts me.

Rartsy.com

There's a whole galaxy out there waiting to disgust me. (Andor reference.) Andor ended its 2nd season. I loved the show in its entirety without having to love every story line or episode. I've learned more of just how different all we humans are, even among the similar. When I'm laid up with pain, as I've been, I often watch YouTube reactions to programs I like. Many of my fellow Andor lovers go gaga over moments that underwhelm me. I love the entity of Andor. I love specific specifics. I do not seem to love the same big moments that many others do. I love Andor for its small moments. I love its slowness. Now that it is over I am happy that it was 2 well-planned seasons & no more. I've seen fans complain that it's over. I like that it's over. I wish more shows would end (looking at you, Severance). But since I'm often a convalescent, there is a gaping hole now that it has ended. While house sitting I got to see Murderbot on Apple TV. I really like it but they're not making it fast enough. Now, since this is produced from a book series as source material, and it is much lighter in tone than Andor, I would be happy for Murderbot to continue for as long as possible. Murderbot is like Hacks. (It is nothing like Hacks.) These shows are mostly light, with depth that's there if you're into it. Better than typical sitcoms and other TV nothingness, but not so demanding as “prestige TV.” My favorites like Andor & Better Call Saul are demanding. Lighter is nice. Murderbot is not as junk food as Doctor Who and not as heavy as Andor. (By watching reviews I've also learned that there are those who do not see Doctor Who as junk food. I like the show. I like the lore, I like the progressivism. It still feels unimportant to me.) The experience of watching Murderbot is somewhat like good Star Trek that's genuinely funny and progressive. I hope the series garners enough audience to continue.

I was going to embed the trailer for Murderbot but it contains too many spoilers imo. I'll just include a new-to-me song I'm liking:

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[1] The word great is sarcastic.

Streamed again this morning after a 2-week vacation. I thought it went well; I divided the stream into one more talking & one more quiet. During the quiet I listened to music as I cleaned & stuff, only occasionally talking to the camera. I thought I understood the twitch rules about copyright. Based on past experience it seemed they allowed it live & silenced it for replays. But no. I think they did something unexpected to my videos this morning that included music. They seem to have been deleted. I'll check tomorrow morning.

Usually as soon as I wake up I stream on https://www.twitch.tv/humanissome