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fun

I like to use Mastodon posts in the weekly blog because it makes it easier. I do not want to spend a whole lot of time on these, or else I'm not going to be able to do them each week. My goal is to write over the weekend but so far the “weekly” posts are coming out late Monday night/really Tuesday morning. Tuesday is a day of the week...

First, easy: I like the scene with Kleya. She is a character I want to know more about. By noticing her hesitation upon entering the shop, I put that into my head for later. I believe that Andor is well-made, so I expect that detail to matter.

Now hard: Why didn't I like Season 2, episodes 1-2? Because Andor Season 1 is my current favorite program. My expectations were perhaps too high. By the time S2e3 reached its 1/3-point I was very happy & engaged with the show again. This fits the Andor pattern, I did not feel engaged in Season 1 until episode 4! But what repelled me from Season 2 is the way it breaks the Andor pattern. S1 was slooooooow, especially episodes 1-3. 94% of reviews call it “a slow burn.” There are many exciting moments in Andor S1 that are built up to after many episodes developing plot & characters. The excitement matters so much more because it was treated with care.

There are “action sequences” from the beginning of S2. Watching it I feared that the creators had changed the show to be more “fan-friendly.” It seemed like they may have gotten notes: Grab viewers' attentions! NOW!! Although that does not really make much sense, because the show got its season 2 & the team behind Andor intend for it to be the end of the story. We are in prequel territory — well, wait, I don't mean Star Wars E1-3 prequel territory (thank goodness, I'm not a fan of those). Andor is a prequel series to Rogue One which is a prequel movie to Star Wars: the Star Wars, E4: A New Hope. Buttttt, Andor (& Rogue One?) can be enjoyed without knowing anything about Star Wars. Andor has been called “the most Star Wars” & “the least Star Wars Star Wars.” Sigh. It takes too long to explain; but if you haven't seen it, just trust me that Andor is like The Wire or Better Call Saul more than it is like any previous Star Wars anything. It is set in that universe, but its plot and characters develop like “prestige television.” A comparison to last year's The Penguin leaps to my mind. Before The Penguin came out I had no interest in returning to Gotham or the super hero genre for another multi-hour commitment. But I checked out the show & I was hooked. There's no need to know Batman to enjoy The Penguin. The same is true for Andor & Star Wars. But if you do know Star Wars, like me who has seen every movie on first release, you can also appreciate seeing a story for grownups that's set in that universe.

This is getting long / Skip to Next Section if you like

I also liked Mandolorian, Season 1; Season 2 less; the Mando episodes of Boba Fett were the best of that show, not saying a lot; and Mando S3 was a joke. I didn't think that was going to happen with Andor, but streaming is unreliable. There's so much gap between seasons that I change, and the moment changes, and the tone of entire programs seems to change. I really wanted the finale of Severance Season 2 to end the show. I am less interested in the story as a whole because they are prolonging it. I may be unusual in that characteristic. I was pleased that Andor was intended to be 2 seasons from the start. There's no room for more, because we are building towards what happens in the movie Rogue One.

OK, so... I didn't get into S2e1 just like I barely paid attention to S1e1. Why wouldn't I give Andor creators the benefit of the doubt that it was going to get better? Because I disliked the 2 season premieres for opposite reasons. S1 was a slow burn. I have enjoyed it more on rewatch. S2e1 begins with action. During the buildup of the first episodes of Andor Season 1 things were developing. During the first episodes of S2 things were happening. A lot of things that I didn't care much about. I worried. I told myself, OK, they're in a hurry. They have to get all that they want into one season and they're headed towards Rogue One. I didn't like that rationale, but that's how I explained what was happening. SPOILER (characters, groups introduced in S2e1): Andor lands amongst infighting rebel groups. I can understand this as important groundwork because we know that this season will likely portray the rival rebel groups coming together to form an alliance that can eventually defeat the empire. These are IMPORTANT LESSONS for our time! Even so, it still felt too action-comedy of errors for me. And it felt random, careless, quick. Season 2 begins letting us know that a year has passed, but the various scenes still felt too irrelevant to me. Again, I was left thinking that they just don't have the time left to introduce every new character & group with care.

This is very long / Skip to the Rob-Personal Section if you like

The first scene for which I felt any intrigue was midway into episode 2. SPOILER (characters we like are visited by characters we do not like in S2e2): The imperial soldiers drop in on Andor's friends from Ferrix at a farm; one takes a special slimy interest in Bix. This sets up a payoff action sequence in e3 that feels more earned within the season than anything else that has happened so far. Again, I understand that there are places this season wants to go & so I guess they just decided to front-load a bunch of plot. It didn't feel very Andory to me. Hee hee. Likewise the Mon Mothma & Luthen stuff so far didn't interest me.

All changed in e3. It was very Andory. A remark from Luthen to Mon towards the end was very. The difficult love relationship between 2 rebels we like was very. There was a look! That part intertwines with the Luthen/Mon stuff & why Mon winds up cutting loose. I loved that! I even like the DJBot! Oh, excuse me, droid. And he was spinning the hit song from Cassian's days on the resort planet. The action scene I mention in the above paragraph was extreme, but it felt good & earned & reminiscent of the [SPOILER for S1]prison break.

I'm writing this update because Andor episodes do not drop at midnight, but 9pm EDT. If the new episode was already out I'd be watching. I am so hooked for what happens now, and grateful that they released 1-3 at once again. Last season, as I have said, it took me until e4 to be fully interested. I stopped watching Andor until I saw praise for it. Then I picked it back up. And it became my favorite show. I can overlook what felt rushed in e1-2 — and the fact that our 2 main “bad guys” are so far only being used for comic relief; I like the comic relief in e3 & it felt emotionally deserved — because the world building in S1 has me grounded. I look forward for where we go next. Although the ramped-up action concerned me at first now that the show is back on its footing I can only imagine how much tension & release may be on its way. It's still a good show, a very good show; & one with so much relevance for the time we are living in.

nofun

But wait you also get:

I see myself as an outlier. I struggle with community, often sacrificing communication & connection for individual expression. [Masto post]

Creative expression and personal development seem to be my top priorities. Others fit into that framework, not vice versa. What does that mean? That means I rank my relationship with myself first. When external relationships contradict my own sense of self I prefer not to demean myself to fit in. I spend as little time as possible wondering what others think of me. The unfortunate side effect is that I've spent time doing the reverse, assessing what I think of others. None of this is new. It's my character.

I remember crying in childhood about difficult friend dynamics & not feeling close to anyone. “Everybody likes you,” my mother protested. Rather than argue with her motherly exaggeration, I got to the point: But I don't like them! I wailed.

This goes on up to today. I have a very difficult time accepting bigotry and selfishness. Thus I really dislike being a white American!

At the same time it goes against my values to feel superior.

Huh! What a mess!

I talk as I do in part because I think my conundra are common. [1] What I say (often) in my livestreams is that I am presenting not my best but my realest. Actually I've never said that exactly. I document my mundane life events as antidote to content that's carefully choreographed. When I started broadcasting my life, on Insta during Covid at home times, I commented on a goofy basic everyday life thing that can make me feel defective — when I might bend over to pick something up & misjudge it, and repeat the action & still miss! It feels weird to malfunction like that. After I posted a friend replied, “I do this too!” I felt better. That's my whole stream! If I'm able to articulate or document some small difficulty I'm having & someone sees it who has experienced the same “human malfunction” then we can both feel less alone, together. I say this even if no one responds or even watches my streams! The material I put out has the potential to create connection. That's enough reason to do it. And it's why I value sharing instead of recording only for myself.

I'm communicating with others in my art, my writing, and my videos in the way that I wish I could relate to all I know in real life. Sharing this way releases tension because I am not turning to everyone I know IRL with my unmet needs. Instead when I'm with others now I know that I am building the ability to enjoy myself and meet them where they are. I find amazing connections that I might not have noticed before when my focus was on getting precisely what I wanted. My needs are so great that of course that's what I am usually carrying with me. Putting out as much content [2] as I can is helping me feel content. And there's no need for me to be judging “how much of me” people can take! My IRL friends do keep coming back IRL, no matter how disconnected I may have been — and for that it's best for me to be thankful! (Not to be carrying around a list of gripes titled what needs my friends aren't meeting!) Maybe I can make my life an art. I already view most everything I share — art, vlogs, blogs — as art, because it's not design. Design is like art, but for a measurable purpose. Purposes include making money, reaching an audience, gaining recognition, line go up, metrics, achieving a goal, many things. In everything I do the purpose is expression. I am an abstract expressionist & a humanist. I express those values in my output. I avoid designing my work to meet any other measure besides feeling good. At times I've tried to make numbers go up, to great disappointment. Not only have I failed to make a living or become “famous” all thoughts devoted to those aims detracted from true expression. Others may be able to do it; I don't speak for others. For me, attempting to measure success is a distraction from my ability to produce art as I define it. I do not believe the world currently accepts artists, but it has many openings for celebrities. One category precludes the other.

I may have got off track. I will say that I have many unmet needs. Awareness of them is helping, is healthy (same word). I express myself to the max:

I am able to do so while still feeling healthy because I have learned to have zero external expectations from my work. Art for art's sake is here! I have learned that I must employ this attitude to function best. Then, any response is a delicious gravy on top of the main course of self fulfillment. I do believe that working in this mode I will achieve far more. And, after all, I set the measure of achievement for my life. (In earlier posts somewhere I have lamented the many “successful” artists who destroyed their lives; that is due to a misunderstanding of success as coming from without [“the world”] and not within [“the self”].)

There need not be a contradiction between my personal goals and my ability to have relationships. Especially considering I seek to achieve humanissome level 82 [there is no level 82] ability to feel unconditional love for all. I hope for others to befriend me as I am & I aspire to do the same in return. Whatever is lacking in me that fails to meet a friend's needs is particular to me, and not the same as whatever it may be that I am looking for (& not always finding) in others. This failure to meet each other as we are is the cause of great suffering, I think. I aim to improve.

I can express myself & I can choose the when, where, how much, & to whom. Pretty much I fully express myself in all my artsy pursuits, including Rartsy.com. Folks can drop in & out on that content to their heart's content. There is no artist I “consume” fully & all the time. In real life (as we say) I am seeing self regulation of expression more positively. In past I would often see it as stifling, self censorship, phoniness. Now I am more inclined to realize that IRL content exposure is intense. I may think I'm wonderful to the max —do I?— but I can look at IRL like other content. No one consumes it all. I do not need to (& no longer hope to) present all of me to every “real” friend. It's too much. And there are bits of even my closest friends that I cannot know. I cannot meet all their needs. They need a break from me sometimes. And sometimes that can include while we are together. I am choosing not to say as much. I am feeling my needs being met in my arts expression, so I'm going into personal interactions more freely, more frequently. So far it feels really good.

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※ [1] I know conundra is wrong; don't care. ↩️ [2] As I have done with career before, I am rehabilitating the word content. The problem with both words is not inherent; it's who controls, who judges, who benefits. I have seen many artists who detest the word career. I understand & felt the same way. But I'm an etymology worshipper & the word career is apt. It comes from road, carriage, and earlier run. I do see myself on a journey in art. I do have a career. The problem isn't the word it's modern connotations about earnings, recognition, societal approval, etc. I reclaimed career several years ago. Now, content. In this case I do not even need to turn to etymology. (Though that is also just fine, it means held together.) I produce material that fills blogs, and someday I hope books, and videos, and paint. I share these in multiple ways, but all are at least represented online. It's content. Rob-content. I am not insulted by the term. I fill my streams, my feeds, my blogs, my sites, etc. with content. I happen to like my content & I think of it as art. There is no contradiction. When folks object they most likely dislike the kind of content that succeeds on various services. Content creators as a profession are looked down on by many, especially the hard-working underpaid, a category that unfortunately includes most writers, artists & academics. I enjoy the company & work of writers, artists & academics; & I do not much enjoy spending time with successful content creators. My disagreement is not with the word but with the material. The algorithmic judgments that produce content that I do not much like. My problem is much more with capitalism than with the word content. I'm sure most who disdain content are using it as shorthand for {the whole problem} but I choose not to. I do produce content. And I would be happy if I could be a successful content creator. I will not, however, chase algorithms. ↩️