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I still remember holding a pencil in my hand during class, not just to work on assignments or group projects, but also to secretly scribble pictures of characters with huge eyes and exaggerated proportions. Back then, it didn't matter if the arms were too long or if the perspective was all off. The rules of art didn’t really apply too much. Doodling cartoons felt like freedom. Cartoons were, and still are, about exaggeration without apologies, creating worlds where a character could suddenly turn into a rocket mid-sentence without anyone questioning the physics.

However, as much as I still prefer drawing cartoons to drawing anything realistic, I can't help but notice that my interest in cartoons is slowly waning. It's not because I've completely outgrown them or because I buy into the old idea that serious art has to be hyperrealistic. Simply put, I just do not have the same enthusiasm or interest in cartoons I used to have as a child. Like, all the exaggerations in cartoons that I used to tolerate as a child now just grates me. But it can also annoy me just as much as the over-the-top dramatic antics in melodramas, so it's not a “I'm putting away childish things” sort of thing. Even Japanese anime irks me now (although I still like Studio Ghibli movies).

I'm genuinely annoyed at what passes for popular in the cartoon sphere these days, both animated and printed. Every piece has to squeeze in something that shocks a couple of people because shock value is cool nowadays. It's as if subtle storytelling is out of style, and every drawing has to give a wink to the audience: “Look how grown-up we are! Check out my character saying and doing naughty no-no stuff!” If that's what you want to intend your art for, fine. I'm not against anyone's creative choices. But it's so insane that everything popular has to be adultified just to discourage kids from looking at it. These days, even preschool shows manage to sneak in celebrity cameos that seem more fitting for late-night comedy spots, with inside jokes that go over kids' heads but get a thumbs-up from adults who want to feel “in the know”. It's not clever; it just feels like pandering. Like nothing can't be for just all ages anymore because adults are obsessed with wanting to remind everyone that the world is dark and mean and cruel. However, I'm more concerned about the more moderately explicit ones than the mild ones seen in anything lower than at least TV-PG. The ones that raise important social issues are not really my problem, and I am not one of those people to obsess over tone than the actual point being made. But the more gratuitous ones that just exist for shock value are, at least to some extent.

It actually makes me not want to look at any cartoon art anymore, including anime. Like, sometimes I can't. Then there's the other extreme, the shows that try so hard to be “wholesome” that they end up feeling cold and sterile. Like happiness has to be pure and simple, stripped of any real complexity. I mean, come on, I believe that cartoons can and should be more than wholesome, but I dont want everything to be inappropriately adultified literally everywhere either. A story can explore grief without getting lost in it, or show hope without making it too gritty or real.

Frankly, having to keep up with trends in cartoons just to meet the public eye halfway does not appeal to me if no trend does. That's why I end up following no trends at all, especially with my art.

That's probably just my ingrained and possibly outdated and irrational cultural beliefs talking, though, so I probably won't be as taken seriously.

I have spoken myself empty Carved out my insides to shape words.

I have talked myself hollow Kept together by a cover this layer of skin.

I have cried myself bare Exposed my everything and bled raw.

I have thought myself void Realized being lacking on all that counts.

I have became sorrow.

#poetry

The Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram or LBRP for short can be said to be the basic banishing ritual in all of Ceremonial Magick and other methods of working magick influenced by CM. Not only that, it can be said to be the basic ritual there is. In this occasion, “basic” refers to “what forms the base, the foundation”. This ritual is performed regularly by a large number of magick workers of a wide variety of flavours world wide and irregularly by an even larger number of them.[1]

As it is such a basic and widely used ritual, there has been by time created a “LBRP-egregore”. You could say that when you are performing the LBRP, you are not only doing it for the effects of the ritual, but also tapping into the current created by all the previous workings of LBRP and those being worked now.

The ritual is basic, but not simple – it is much more than “just a (temple) purifying rite you do before the actual workings”.[2]

LBRP is, as the name implies (the) lesser (banishing) pentagram ritual. There is also the Greater Ritual of the Pentagram, which uses banishing / invoking and active / passive forms of the pentagrams of all the elements. However, in this lesser ritual, the Pentagram of the Earth only is used.[3]

Now, why do you use only the Pentagram of Earth? To understand this, one needs to look a bit deeper into the ritual.

Visualisation instructions for the first part of LBRP, the Kabalistic Cross, tell the Magician to imagine hirself growing ever taller to the point where the entire universe seems tiny. However, the feet remain firmly on the ground. This is a clue: earth is where you operate, the sphere the ritual is acting upon. Besides, you are using the pentagram as the symbol drawn and the pentagram represents the material, earthly world.

So, this is an earth(l)y ritual. Maybe this is why there's only the Earth Pentagram used. Well, it's not that simple. Thinking about this a bit further, questions arise. If merely operating on the earth, feet firmly on the ground, makes the ritual need only one kind of Pentagram, shouldn't there be pentagram rituals for the other three elements – and spirit – and using the other pentagrams not only available, but regularly used? Furthermore (and this is said with a wink), if standing with feet firmly on the ground is the reason to use only the Earth Pentagram – who exactly would one do rituals for the other elements? Should one be standing on, say, fire? Even done as just a visualisation, things might get a tad difficult.[4]

It seems to be the time to find the next clue. The first clue pointed towards earth. No, actually the first clue was found even before that – it's in the name of the ritual: “lesser”.

The second, err... third clue can be found from the spoken texts of the ritual. With the exception of part three, the Evocation of the Archangels, it's Hebrew. This suggests taking a look at Kabbalah[5]. Granted, merely the fact that this is a ritual of Ceremonial / High / Ritual Magick, should make one think about looking there... You pretty much can't avoid having to learn at least the basic ideas of Kabbalah sooner or later, if you are interested in CM.

The fourth and quite important clue has been present all along: the symbology of the Pentagram. Especially the Pentagram as the symbol of the microcosm, not only as the symbol that contains five elements and connects them all when it's drawn. Taking those four clues (rearranged a bit): Kabbalah leads to taking a look at the Tree of Life. “Lesser” points the look downwards on the Tree. Earth focuses the search to the representation of the material world. Finally, the Pentagram tells it straight (if the former ones didn't already) with the information of the symbol representing the microcosm – the earthly Kingdom of Malkuth. Now there's a familiar term, it's said in the ritual even! For a reason, too.

The following is simplification, so bear with me. Studying each element, gesture, name, word and symbol further is more than adviced!

On the Tree of Life, LBRP acts on the low(est) point, the 10th Sephira called Malkuth. The name means “Kingdom” and it is the sphere of Earth and material existence. Both the element and planet attributed to Malkuth is Earth. Logically, it's direction is north.

Malkuth is traditionally pictured as being divided into four quarters, the four elements Earth, Air, Fire and Water. It is also the plain of elementals and (unlike with any other Sephira) the spirits of the four elements are divided into four categories, including archangels familiar from the rite being discussed.

However, even with the other elements present, one could semi-jokingly say that there is enough attributes to earth/earthy/material to last for all four directions.

Little more seriously speaking, Malkuth is the sphere where what “exists only as ideas” become real, material, have substance. It's immersed with matter. It is “earth/material heavy” and it makes sense that the mage makes sure hir “can handle it” – that's where the mage lives. This Sephirah is also the only one that is attributed to earth. The other 9 Sephiroth are attributed to the three other, “older” elements; the roots of these elements to the Supernal Triad and two sets of three in the two lower ones. So, one could think of the Fire, Air and Water in Malkuth as being “Fire of Earth” (etc), which would make using just the Earth Pentagram even more logical.

Furthermore, even when one uses only the Earth Pentagram, the other elements “get into the rite anyway” with the symbology used and the symbolic stress on the material becomes clearer. Enough with the over-use of quotation marks!

In this ritual, you are – among other things – bringing down power from the upper planes (note the visualisation of light, touching head first and then pointing down touching the genital area) to the plane of (your) operation, physical plane (where it also gets grounded). You are also creating an area of protection around yourself – around you flame the four pentagrams, above and under you are hexagrams.

Checking what different occult fraternities and writers say about the LBRP's relation with it gives more insight. They also give a bit of mixed messages.

For example, Aleister Crowley places the ritualist standing on the “intersection of the paths of Samekh and P�. You are facing Tiphareth (the Sun), thus on your right hand is Netzach (Venus), on your left hand Hod (Mercury), and behind you Yesod (the Moon).”[6] Thinking about the archangels of the Sephiroth mentioned this would fit, especially when one checks closer the Archangel Haniel that's usually placed in Netzach instead of Uriel (Auriel) that gets called in the ritual. According to a Kabbalah FAQ, “Around the 12th to 15th centuries C.E. the name of Haniel came to replace the name Uriel” . Furthermore, the attribution of the Archangels isn't set in stone or otherwise remain the same throught the ages or interpretations.

According to Golden Dawn, you have your back to the Tree (the microcosmic Tree – you become the Tree), with Geburah to your left and Gedulah (Chesed) to your right. You are “standing” on Malkuth, though.

If you go by Crowley's placement, the earth-heavyness can still be explained: you're working on the Assiah, the lowest of the four Kabbalistic worlds – the material world.

Notes

[1] In addition to this, there are many LBRP variants out there, written mainly by and for the use for people who find it uncomfortable to use the kabalistic – interpreted by many as blatantly Christian – names and symbology of the original. In my personal opinion, if the names called in LBRP do not feel at all fitting, one might want to try the Star Ruby before going for any of the LBRP variants. Why? Consider the egregores.

[2] Or, to quote Aleister Crowley: “Those who regard this ritual as a mere device to invoke or banish spirits, are unworthy to possess it. Properly understood, it is the Medicine of Metals and the Stone of the Wise.” (from notes of “The Palace of the World”)

[3] In some traditions, those who advance to higher levels of initiations / levels are given a version using four Pentagrams: those of Fire, Water, Air and Earth. Furthermore, in some traditions this ritual is done with only the Earth Pentagram, because at an early stage, the novice has not been taught the other ones... However, LBRP in the “only Earth Pentagram” form is not for the use of nor used by beginners only!

[4] Here, I'm going on the silly side. You can use any of the five pentagrams in a pentagram ritual. In this occasion, the original question referred to the “standard LBRP”, so I'm working from that on. Sometimes getting silly, as it seems.

[5] Kabalah, Kabbalah, Qabalah, or which ever way you happen to spell it...

[6] Aleister Crowley: Magick (“Blue Brick” -edition), p. 691

(Sources, in addition to the mentioned, were several, heh.)

#Magick #Thelema

Baby, I feel not good enough. I can say that I know with near certainty that my current inability to perform is due to chronic back pain. I can talk about potential causes & solutions [1] but I can also say there's always been something [2] preventing me from performing. I can say that it's ultimately how I am. If I want to I can say, “Baby, I feel not good enough.”

What I have always worked towards is emotional healing. My visual art and my online posts and the books I dream of writing. My current practice is streaming to organize my thoughts. I started this by saying, “Baby, I feel not good enough,” because I have been streaming a lot without feeling able to say what I want to say. I am creating for emotional healing, yet not even feeling well enough to get better. Today what I had on my mind to stream about was what I've written above and in notes 1 & 2, below. Then something happened.

Last night:

Today:

I'm still terribly sad about the meat fail, but I might be happy with the stream about the meat fail: I process emotions; I use an immediate and vivid personal experience as a possible means of examining the human universal (YMMV of course); art helps (Sarfraz Manzoor's story published in The Moth anthology A Point Of Beauty); and it all happens in “just” one hour.

• Within the first minute I've acknowledged my difficulty keeping streams focused on topic & I've divulged the meat disaster
• First 20 minutes are me unpleasantly describing my unpleasant feelings about unpleasant difficulties. I'm snarfing my nose & throat. I'm frustrated about the state of my home. I'm despondent over the meat (still am & spoiler: I ate some). I describe how my frustration management negatively impacts concentration & relationships.
• Story Time! If there weren't such things as money & YouTube & advertising & intellectual property then I would proudly link more info on the story and its author. As it is you'll have to look it up yourself if you're interested. I want my content to always reflect the culture that gets me through life — humanities / humanism / human existence. I hate advertising & I consider myself a nonprofit. (I do seek patron support.) I only use commercial sites for the free space. I dream of hosting all my content ad free myself some day.
• aside: What is love? · The story raises questions about the nature of love. I break to reflect on my experiences and understanding of love as a child and today.
• back to story
• loud noise distracts my attention from the story, after which i feel sad about the meat again. A benefit of my “public life with no pretense” is the recording of ordinary human existence. My theory of being centers attention. Recording daily events like this offers evidence of how the mind (my mind at least) functions. It's clear that I am enjoying myself as I read the story. An unexpected noise disrupts my attention, causing natural alertness. Immediately my concentration returns to the sadness I feel over the lost food.

• back to story
• aside: Sibling love
• back to story
• end of story Reflection

Monsters in the mind. Modern psychology would have them exorcized with a pill, artists exercise them into works of art.

#art #RandomThoughts

This nightmare banishing dream pillow was pretty much built “on the run” while chatting with a friend of mine who had been suffering from terrible nightmares for a few nights, leading up to her waking up screaming and feeling like she couldn't breath. After listening her needs, this is what I wrote for her:

Materials

• Black cloth. (Here, black is used to denote strength, protection, calmness, darkness). Natural fibres are best, not only because the pillow will be rather close to your head. Cotton is a good choice.
• Sewing equipment, either plain old thread and needle or machine
• Embroidery threads or fabric pain
  • Herbs

Starting Out

The dream pillow has “two layers”. The inner one will be the pillow itself, with the herbs. The outer one is the “pillow case” for this inner pillow.

To begin with, you'll need to choose symbols that will be embroidered or painted on the outer pillow, the pillow case, as well as colours for the symbols. The symbols should denote Strength and Protection, the symbols used and their colours should arise from your own personal symbology and correspondences – they should speak to you. You can add other symbols according to your own needs and insights.

The pillow's final size should be 11” x 11cm. This strange mixture of measurement units is because the idea is to use the number 11. Here, 11 denotes both the pentagram and the hexagram, it's the number of the Goddess and also refers to one's Great Work. The purpose is to banish disturbing nightmares and these nightmares can indeed interfere with one's Great Work, especially when they're making you too tired to Live.

Cut four pieces of the fabric, large enough for you to be able to get that 11” x 11cm pillow from. Put two of the pieces aside for a while and start working with the other two – the pillow case.

Embroider or paint the symbols you chose with your chosen colours on both of the pieces (right side of the fabric). If you painted the symbols, let the paint dry out completely before starting to sew and if you're using fabric paints, iron the paint as per instructions. Then, sew the pieces together with the right sides in. Leave the other 'short end' unsewed. This is where you will slip the the inner pillow inside the pillowcase. Turn the allowances on this short end in and sew in place. You can attach ribbons to the sides of the opening in order to tie it and keep the inner pillow in place. You can also sew the opening close when the pillow is ready, but ribbons make it much easier to change the inner pillow if needed.

The next step is sewing the inner pillow. Make it a little bit smaller than the pillow case. Sew the sides, right sides of the fabric in, leaving a couple of inches on one side for turning the pillow seams in and then stuffing it. Turn the seams in.

The Herbs

For this nightmare banishing pillow, I chose the following herbs for choosing from: Lavendar, mugwort, hyacinth flowers, anise, cedar, rosemary, valerian, hops, marjoram, dittany of Greece, garlic, thyme ... Do take your allergies into consideration and don't use anything that might trigger your allergies!

Use approximately 50% lavender, with a dash of rosemary and anise. With others, make a nice and even blend. Remember, you should be able to sleep on that pillow! Mix the herbs gently, without using iron / metal bowls or servers.

It is better not to use: Sage, as it may cause haunting feelings in your dream. Tansy, as it can cause nightmares. Other species of Artemisia than the above-mentioned mugwort, or laurel, as they can cause dreams with fears. You might want to remove these from your sleeping quarters as well. Use the herbs as herbs, not as oils. While some instructions do mention oils in dream pillows, oils can have too strong a scent and they may stain.

Fill the inner pillow. It is supposed to be rather flat, not round. Sew the hole you left for filling and put the inner pillow inside the pillowcase you made earlier. Tie the ribbons or sew the pillowcase shut.

Other Notes

While preparing the pillow, concentrate your thoughts on what the pillow is meant to do. That is, the whole preparing process is good old fashioned Witchcraft and the pillow itself a kind of spell wrapped in cloth :–)

Then to Banish the Nightmares

You're not supposed to just lay your head to sleep after making the pillow. You should be preparing yourself for the forthcoming night, sleeping and dreaming. Before falling asleep, perform a banishing ritual of the type you are most familiar with. The purpose of this is to sleep inside a 'circle', within cleansed space.

If you can, perform the ritual in your mind instead of going around or on your bed. That is, your mind is doing all the necessary work, while your body is resting on the bed.

Include the whole of your bed and a little bit of its surroundings to the area you are cleansing. If your bed is next to a wall, pull it out a little bit so that there's some space between the wall and the bed. Otherwise you might be taking a little bit of your next door neighbour's apartment inside your circle.

After the banishing, relax your whole body and – sweet dreams!

#magick #spell #pagan

Over an extended period of introspection, I have come to recognize that my aptitude for producing large-scale artworks is, in reality, far more limited than I had long presumed. While I am able to navigate the demands of a canvas comparable in scale to my sketchbook, works exceeding those dimensions present an overwhelming challenge and consume a disproportionate amount of time and cognitive resources. This difficulty is compounded by the limitations of my current living situation in a densely packed apartment building with inadequate insulation, requiring additional protective measures for my physical artwork that go well beyond the initially straightforward act of encasing them in plastic. Therefore, my artwork MUST not exceed 8.5 by 11 inches. Furthermore, I'm diverse but also quite limited to what I can work with, ranging from high-quality acrylic paints to more elementary mediums such as Crayola crayons, all of which necessitate the application of Mod Podge spray for preservation.

Given these factors, I have opted to concentrate my traditional artistic practice on miniature works. This not only aligns better with my environmental and material constraints but also because I find it easier to do than having 5 larger pieces and leaving them unfinished, often due to uncertainty about their direction or the need for specific materials that I can't afford or are hard to find. My prior explorations in various techniques and genres, including printmaking, T-shirt design, and thematic series centered on cakes, failed to yield artistic or personal satisfaction. The processes inherent to these undertakings proved either excessively complex or revealed my own limitations with conceptual and serialized art-making. In contrast, the execution of miniature pieces provides a directness and manageability absent from more elaborate forms. It's also why I like cartooning and abstract art (to some degree) more.

Everything in art is too unnecessarily complex for me, a realization that at one point catalyzed a hiatus spanning two years from any serious engagement with art. The pursuit of a professional trajectory in art, with its attendant pressures and systemic frustrations, has not abated even as I attempt to chart an independent path outside conventional academic frameworks – eschewing both formal fine arts degrees and so-called “online self-directed learning” curricula that requires payment. In retrospect, I derive greater fulfillment from exploration that is entirely self-directed by me, than from passive reception of knowledge in classroom settings. Frankly, I don't feel good being taught by someone else anymore. I just don't. I understand its importance, but I don't feel good about education anymore. I would rather educate myself whenever I feel it's necessary to.

Honestly, it's more about people than it is about education. Teachers and professors don't know how to handle anyone with empathy and understanding anymore. My encounters with teachers and professors have revealed a pervasive deficit in empathy and understanding, with many resorting to condescension toward those they deem obstinate, and at times, characterizing their own students as deliberately obtuse or illiterate. Such attitudes have eroded my inclination to reengage with formal education, undermining not only my motivation to improve, but also my trust in the capacity of educators to support diverse learners. With rare exception, my teachers have failed to demonstrate the patience and flexibility necessary to nurture students facing unique challenges, reinforcing my conclusion that the problem is institutional and systemic.

Consequently, I have resolved to assume full autonomy over my artistic development, determining for myself the parameters of my progress and the criteria by which it is measured. While I remain receptive to criticism in principle, I am acutely sensitive to prescriptive feedback, regardless of its rationale – a trait present since childhood, and not indicative of rebellion but rather heightened emotional receptivity to anything that could be interpreted as controlling. My objective, henceforth, is to dedicate my creative efforts to smaller-scale works, prioritizing professionalism over spectacle, and ensuring that my art remains a source of personal accomplishment rather than external validation.

I can’t function one of the reasons i want to move, the reason i want to move is that I can’t function as things are. but i have to function in order to move. no one is available to help at the level that I really need. i came home motivated to move with the idea of doing the minimum things to get out: specifically putting aside the things I want to keep. even this attitude {minimum gathering of things i want} seems to be more than i can accomplish. there’s so much stuff and i am alone. others have their own motivations. no one is available to help me transition to new phase of life. not the practical stuff i have to do. i feel that i have to accept doing a poor job just to focus on escape from current situation. i have to accept that things won’t go to the friends & family that I would like. i have to accept that i will not enter my next phase with most of the things i will want. i feel that i have to accept losing most paintings.

Previously: January 7 I'm not doing well enough to get better

#ScribesAndMakers 8 April: Share a song lyric that resonates with you.

Like a lot of these prompts, a simple question can be a tough question. Lately I'm not listening to music very often. I go through phases it seems. And when I do I often don't even know the lyrics; I'm drawn to the sound of it. Like I love to sing along to the following in French to stretch my mouth: Eartha Kitt singing Je Cherche Un Homme & Françoise Hardy roaring Je N'Attends Plus Personne. Even though I like the words in those I can't really say that the lyrics resonate. If I were going to select a favorite Eartha Kitt song with lyrics I embrace it would be Lazy Afternoon, a short (2:22) song about appreciating nature languorously with a lover. Does that resonate? Yeah I love being able to do nothing in nature. But it's another love song & I don't want to imply that someone else is required to enjoy a lazy afternoon.

Am I overthinking? What some call a hashtag game I call an opportunity for reflection. I re-listened to my Frank Ocean favorites. “Why see the world when you've got the beach?” (Sweet Life) I listen to Frank for the melodies more than lyrics. Or tbh I am always conscious of his role as a closeted-then-out gay hip hop star when I listen to Frank Ocean. What lyrics resonate with my life experience? In music I'm often drawn to mixing meaning and nonsense, in songs by Bowie, Prince, REM, Talking Heads, Negativland, & They Might Be Giants.

Then I remembered a snip from a They Might Be Giants' song I don't even love. Towards the end of XTC vs Adam Ant is a repeating line that has resonated with me for years, “There is no right or wrong.” I'm simple, I guess, to take a single line from a song here & there to build my philosophy around. As an atheistic humanist I've not had hymns to buoy me. I take inspiration wherever. There's a Scissor Sister's song, Everybody Wants The Same Thing & I used to sing those words when I was frustrated in traffic—like if there's six lanes & all the cars are backed up in one, because the majority are taking the same general path. That five word title—no matter any other lyrics in the song—helps me accept the frustrations of large group dynamics. Deep down it even hits me in the same way as the obvious message of Sting's Cold War ditty Russians. We all want the same things, to love & be loved—to drive home safely after work. Singing, “Everybody Wants The Same Thing,” helps me love others whom I do not know personally. And that helps me let go of frustrations.

There is no right or wrong is a guiding principle for me, somehow, despite me having strong ethics and values. Explaining my philosophy is a long term goal, possible writing project, more than I can make clear today. I'm attaching notes below.

While rediscovering music that resonates I found an old note in which I was brainstorming what I might say in abstract art classes. I had an idea—when I thought that Covid would end with near-universal vaccinations and continued attention to public health—that I would lead “abstract art experience” classes in my home for small groups. These would be opportunities for “normies” to express their creativity in a space of encouragement, where I would discuss the spiritual aspects of my art practice. The song XTC vs Adam Ant was to be a musical cue. Below are those notes. Apologies that they are not edited to be clear!



XTC vs Adam Ant would cue me to end of a free painting session. Add song twice so that we can listen to lyrics on second play. “Please continue to work, but I’m going to pause. I use this song as my cue to start talking again, about right and wrong decisions. This song is XTC vs. Adam Ant by They Might Be Giants. I have no idea why they would want to sing this about these two bands, but they themselves are musicians and I’m sure have a lot of weird thoughts about success in the music industry. Ultimately the song is absurd, if you listen to it, as many They Might Be Giants songs are. I’ve always really liked them somehow. They can inspire me to think deep thoughts while they sing what seems like nonsense. What I most appreciate about this song is when they repeat, There is no right or wrong…
Not every decision will have a right or wrong answer, and I for one need that reminder. So I’m so very glad to have this catchy refrain that I can turn to whenever I want. What about—feeling tense, tension in the body JUST DUE TO or JUST FROM or JUST WHILE typing into the phone and not getting it to work? This happened now while I'm typing but it's an opportunity to talk about how small tech frustrations can feel debilitating. OR OPENING PLASTIC PACKAGING! The Stress—what stress!—over such a small act. That’s why I so value my abstract practice of actions large and small none of which are subject to right / wrong judgments. Only instead of right/wrong I ask myself, do I like this, do I want to keep it or change it? How do I feel? For now in this moment that’s all that matters. I just dripped some separated whey that fell off the spoon as I was serving myself yogurt No that’s not what happened lol I stirred the whey back into the yogurt first in order to not deal with separated liquid whey AND the act of my stirring pushed some amount of the liquid whey against the side of the container causing a drop to fly out onto the counter. And it feels wrong. I messed up. I “made a mess” , gave myself more work to do, etc. And so what?! On the good news side today I discovered a new favorite spoon to use to eat yogurt because I accidentally used the “wrong” one.

These examples from my life show the harm and stress I might eperience thousands of times a day worrying about doing things right or wrong. I think I store it in my body pains, honestly. Repetition of so many little choices per day impairs efficient functioning and my health, physically and mentally, small and large. To go from little things to big ones, just trying to make it through life I’ve probably wondered thousands if not millions of times: Am I a good person? 
We feel we want to or need to think of ourselves that way. 
And I think that’s a harmful trap. 
I now believe FEELING GOOD is my goal in life NOT BEING GOOD. What’s the difference? It’s tied to the difference between doing and being. As self-referential as it is, I think feeling is more an action verb than being. Feeling is perceiving; being is just… being. We are not ever really going to know, to be able to judge ourselves once and for all as either good or bad. We just aren’t. Life is ongoing. So I cannot ever stop and say, I did it. I /AM/ good. I made it, I’m a good person now! (Or, always have been; or always will be, no matter what.) That label is useless to me, and as I’m saying I think worrying about it causes harm. Switch from being fo feeling. I /FEEL/ GOOD when I’m productive, when I’m creative, when I contribute to others. While BEING seems to be an equals sign between me and good, for me to eternally question in a binary way, am I or not? FEELING has degrees. Feeling is an action more than a state. It leads me to think about what I can do, what I will do to feel as good as I can. This realization has been transformative for me. I still have to fight not to fall into the old ways of thinking that have been so ingrained in me and can be so prevalent. But I feel empowered knowing that I can change my point of view by changing the questions I ask myself, from Am I Good? to Am I Feeling Good—and if not, what can I do to help me feel better? I experience a strong link between feeling good and doing good; and I think that if there is any real measure of being good it comes out of doing good. I just don’t think it’s ever possible to have enough perspective to say I AM GOOD. So I work to push that question aside and try to do good and feel good. There’s so much more here but this is intended to be an art experience with forays into philosophy. Just know that all of this thinking is very linked to why I make abstract expressionist paintings. 

THIS COULD BE THE END.

(note: Blog* = the untilted dot lol blog at this website)

I have implemented a kind of experimental code for my new blog. This code defines a multifunctional sidebar interface combined with blog post navigation, a popup message system (that people can optionally click), and my attempt at dynamic RSS JSON feed generation. Below, I explain every line and component to highlight how the code works and its technical structure.

mySidebar

The sidebar is represented by the <nav> element. It is positioned to remain fixed on the left side of the page, occupying the full height. Here I will explain its inline CSS styles (I use inline CSS for everything because it's easier to keep track of which CSS styles are linked to a specific HTML div):

• z-index:3: Since nav is positioned to be fixed, the z-index property is used to ensure that the sidebar appears above most page elements but below higher-priority components like the popup (For context, the popup's z-index is 5).
• width:320px, height:100%: These physical dimensions are appropriate for sidebars and for both mobile and desktop users.
• position:fixed, top:0, left:0: Fixes the sidebar at the top-left corner of the viewport.
• background-color:white: Sets the sidebar's background color for better readability.
• overflow:auto: Enables scrolling if the content inside the sidebar exceeds the sidebar height.
• border-right:1px solid #ddd, box-shadow: Adds a subtle shadow and lining for visual separation.

The reason for the id="mySidebar" identifier is to allow JavaScript functions to interact with this element dynamically.

What's Inside The <nav>?

You will note that most everything is in block format which means that block elements stack on top of each other.

1. <div id="makespaceforbutton">:

   • Acts as an empty container for any potential dynamic content placed via JavaScript and also to, as the id obviously puts it, “make space for button”. There is a border-bottom:1px solid #ddd line, the space between the content and the border is about 35px (padding), and all text is aligned center for consistency.

2. <a id="aboutLink"> and its styles:

   • Serves as a navigational link titled “About This Blog.”
   • Attributes: href="javascript:void(0) prevents default link navigation, instead relying on onclick="showAboutPopup()" to show the “About This Blog” popup.
   • Styling (background-color: #616161, color:white, etc.) gives a greyish background with white text and ensures a user-friendly, visually distinct appearance.

3. Posts Section Toggle (<a id="postsBtn">):

   • Exists to enable the visibility of the list of available posts as a clickable button. This is managed via the onclick="togglePosts()" handler. All other styles it contains is for aesthetic purposes.

Posts Section

<div id="Demo1"> shows a list of collapsible posts, initially hidden as display:none. It contains individual post links structured as (example):

<a ... onclick="showPost('Post1')">
  <div>
    <span>POST1</span>
    <p>insertdatehere</p>
  </div>
</a>

These links include:

• Dynamic IDs and Styling: Each link is styled for clean layout with borders (border-bottom:1px solid #ddd) and 16px padding.
• Functions for Content Display: The onclick event attribute calls showPost(), a function that takes an argument (in this case, the ID of the post to be shown) and performs the necessary operations to reveal the specified post and hide the others.

Sidebar Toggle Button

So where the “makespaceforbutton” section is located, there is a <button> element outside the sidebar that toggles its visibility. Key features include:

• Positioning (position:fixed, top:16px, left:16px): Like the sidebar, the button is positioned albeit slightly at 16px at the top left to ensure consistent placement.
• Functionality (onclick="toggleSidebar()"): When you click the button, a JavaScript function toggles the sidebar and adjusts the main content's margin (style.marginLeft).

Informational Popup

<div id="id01"> is a modal overlay designed to display a popup. It uses the following:

• display:none: This initially hides the popup until triggered by JavaScript.
• Styling: Covers the entire page (width:100%; height:100%) and dims the background to a transparent black color (background-color:rgba(0,0,0,0.5)).
• Popup Content: Contains auxiliary <div> elements styled (background-color: coral, padding:16px) for clarity. The close button (technically a multiplication sign, but we can use it as a normal X as well) invokes JavaScript to hide the popup.

CSS Inside <style> Block

The external CSS block includes:

1. #popup-content:
   • Defines the dimensions and animations of the popup.
   • Responsive Design: Adjusts width under smaller screens for mobile users (width:80% for max-width:768px).

Main Content and Blog Posts

The <div id="content"> represents the main content outside the sidebar:

1. <div id="defaultMessage">:

   • Displays introductory text for first-time visitors, including FAQs and descriptions of blog functionality. Once you click on any of the blog posts, it disappears and switches to any selected post.

2. Post Content (<div id="Post1">):

   • Encapsulates individual posts, styled for readability, with sections for headers, metadata, and footer content.
   • Integrates JSON-LD Structured Data (<script type="application/ld+json">): Originally, I did want to integrate some sort of RSS thing, but the problem is that I can't seem to upload files directly to the website's server, and my website/registrar's Cloudflare settings seem to make it difficult to turn web pages into RSS data. So I ended up with JSON-LD, which is actually apparently really only useful for SEO purposes, BUT it can be used as an RSS to a limited but useful extent as well. It took me a while to research and realize that.

JavaScript Functionality

The <script> block governs dynamic behaviors:

1. generateRSS Function:

   • Scans posts for JSON data, builds an RSS-compatible JSON feed (or at least a semblance of it?), and returns it.
   • Utilizes querySelectorAll to locate elements containing data-rss-feed.

2. Event Handlers:

   • togglePosts(): Toggles the visibility of the Demo1 container (posts section).
   • showPost(postId): Hides the default message and displays a specified post by its ID.
   • showAboutPopup() and toggleSidebar(): Control popup and sidebar toggling.

3. Feed Storage: Saves RSS JSON to sessionStorage for quick retrieval.

RSS Feed Copy Button

Finally, the <button> for copying RSS JSON is placed at the bottom-right corner of the viewport. It interacts with the clipboard via navigator.clipboard.writeText().

How Well Did I Do?

This code took me about 3 weeks to get right. I think the JSON thing was the hardest part. Because of how I thought it would be somewhat simple enough to do, and it turned out to be somewhat difficult.

At some point I may add more extra things, so this is just how the code is as of this time in writing.

If you have any feedback of any kind you are welcome to leave it!

The Untilted comic strip is now available for free in both Free and Premium Plans. The Premium Plan will now include not just all comics and commenting, but also:

✅ Exclusive custom art commissions for members only

✅ Exclusive members-only group to help artists improve their skills, provide feedback on their work, and help them develop their unique voice and style

✅ Early access to behind-the-scenes art from my other artistic projects

✅ Guest artist features

...and potentially more.

Additionally, for people who DON'T want to have to register to read the comic for free, I put all my comics on my Buy Me A Coffee page on the Gallery tab, no registration required. There is also a BMAC version of the Premium Plan as well if you'd like.

It took me a while to realize that being vague and mysterious and secretive apparently doesn't work out well in terms of marketing after all, especially for newer artists like myself. So, I decided on a more transparent and inclusive Plan B, as I seem to be getting very little exposure.

I am currently in the process of making some changes to the untilted.lol website. Just a reminder!

For every occasion you got a nice costume To shine and bloom and all attention is with you

But I don't care whatever you wear We met behind the scene every first time we see

We know all our being Alright from every start In a glimpse of the eye One from our heart

There's no witchcraft There's no shrine All is ours and nothing 'mine'

Now and Never Is all the time The joke is on us let it be a first smile every time

We play around out of count and listen to the sound

of night and day curious all along the way

We find our tunes out of the blue boundless feeling and we know

without a doubt free in joy wherever we go

all our striving that we share out of compassion we dare birds bear witness to the sun oh the sun

whispering dawn whispering

Moving on new horizons ahead by intuition and intent

we realize with ease intangible dreams every time again

In stillness we cease and crest there are no words to be left all within a joyful heart

within our shining eye morning arise

all our exploring we share with all our attention we care the golden light is shining on within through out you

whispering dawn whispering

let us be strangers curious to see respectful and wondering no assumptions nor deed

let us remain strangers with a gleam in our eye learning and inspiring open what will be

let us become strangers not pretend that we know keep our dreams and visions let the unknown unfold

let us leave as strangers grateful happenings at all nothing as expected no names to call

let us be strangers complementing one another free and united once and for all

(version nro 2)

They came at night with their torches and weapons, like they always do. Teeth bared, eyes glazed, like they were in heat. Not for sex, but for the hunting of the less-than. Their idea of pleasure, always one-sided.

Nostrils flaring for the scent of fear, intoxicated by it.

Not my fear. Theirs. Fear of the Other. Of change.

Somewhere, faintly, fear of doing the wrong thing, of being found out, shamed.  Of what they see of themselves in me.

I sigh and get dressed, head to my front door and open it. Making sure of standing tall, head held high, like a hawk.

Getting out to meet the mob always robs them of the joy of an easy catch of a scared and cowering prey, so they fall silent.

Staring down the leader I declare: “It is not I who is the a monster!”

Deep down I realize: This I will not survive.

#Microfiction #ShortHorror

Part Two

Wiccan Version

The Wiccan versions of the Witch-bottle which follow are more suitable for the Wiccan view of the world, magick and ethics. They are often intended to capture the negative energies or prevent it from ever arriving and – what's important – prevent it to harm the home and its inhabitants. Many of these Wiccan versions are very much like the basic bottle described above, so it isn't necessary to repeat everything over. However, you can use wine, (apple) vinegar or blessed (salted) water instead or in addition to urine. The nails used may be new, etc.

Many Wiccan Witch-bottles use herbs, with the herbs being chosen according to their magickal qualities. There are sometimes very specific instructions given for the gathering of each herb and other items, including correct phases of the Moon. The herbs and other objects may be put in the bottle the previous day, letting the bottle stand by the witch's bed over the night. In the morning, you can add (morning) urine to the bottle, after which the bottle is closed and sealed utilizing Wiccan rituals. Some instructions state that the bottle will be placed in a cupboard or closet, so you don't necessarily have to carefully hide it.

The following instructions are a basic version of a Wiccan version of the Witch-bottle, using herbs. You can do everything using a longer/more complex or a shorter/simpler route, depending on your own inclinations. You can for example start collecting the necessary items on a given phase of the moon (for example on the day before New Moon) and perform the ritual on the next Dark Moon. Or, you can collect the items when you have time for it and build the bottle at any phase of the moon (with protective spells, you don't always have to wait for the right phase of the moon – you do it when you have to). You can utter a suitable spell with every item added to the bottle, summoning the spirit of the item/accessory and meditate for a while – or you can speak your chosen words after the bottle is filled. You can make the bottle as part of a ritual, or you can construct a ritual especially for this occasion. One reason why I'm being so vague with the instructions is that I'm not Wiccan myself.

Materials

* Bottle or jar, with a tightly closing cap or lid * Sea salt * Crystal or stone, for example turquoise, obsidian or black onyx. * Herbs, for example acasia, aloe, lilies, lime, lotus, agrimony, corn, cayenne and black pepper, dried onion, salvia, frankincense, basil, mint, myrrh, garlic, rosemary, mistletoe, pine needles. * A few nails or needles * Wine, (apple) vinegar or urine * Thread * Black candle for sealing * The usual tools used in the ritual section

Preliminary Preparations

You can choose the herbs and crystals you are going to use according to their special qualities or use some of those I've listed. You can also use a drop or two of an essential oil instead of a herb. You can choose the number of herbs and solid items in general (in this case, essential oil is counted as “solid”) to put in the bottle on numerological grounds either so that the number of all solid items is a specific one, or that you will use a certain number of herbs. Suitable numbers are 7, connected to protection, or 9, connected with the Goddess.

Gather the necessary items. Clean the bottle you are going to use. Wash it with warm soapy water carefully (if you can use a specific soap made for protective purposes, so much the better) and dry it well. You can leave the bottle over night in the light of a full moon to charge it. Choose a place to hide the bottle. For a bottle to be filled as part of a ritual or ritually, it is a good thing to have all the necessary tools at hand, on your alter. You can also construct your ritual and spells and chants beforehand.

The purpose of the crystal (which isn't absolutely necessary, the list is given as an example – including the liquid items) is to use it's magickal qualities, the same goes with the herbs. The salt is there to purify and bless the target of the Witch-bottle (the person(s), home to be protected). The nails and needles ground the negative energy and you can also visualize it being then sent back to its sender, threefold. The thread tangles the negative energy in a knot similar to what you are tangling the thread into and to bend the energies away from the builder of the bottle. You can also visualize the negativity tripping over to the thread. The urine represents the builder of the bottle. When using wine or vinegar you can visualize the negative energies drowning in the liquid, with vinegar acting as a purifying element as well.

The Actual Making of the Bottle

If you're constructing the bottle as part of a ritual, you can perform the ritual opening as usual.

Start filling the bottle with the salt. After the salt, add needles or nails, bent or straight. After this, it's time to add the herbs. The crystals and the thread you've tangled into a “ball” can be added next. If you are adding liquids, that is done after the solid items.

When the bottle is otherwise finished, you can raise energies with a suitable chant (I've seen the traditional “Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali, Inanna” recommended for this purpose) and directing it into the bottle, after which you close the bottle and seal it with the wax of the candle.

End your ritual as usual and bury the bottle into a suitable place or otherwise hide it. You can burn incense on the hiding place to seal the spell properly.

Witch-Bottle to Show Off

Witch-bottles that are intended to be left out in plain sight are not usually made to that much protect their makers, but to bring the one who has cast this bottled spell something she or he wants. The usual reasons are the reasons so common with other types of spell as well: the wish the gain more love, material gains, happiness, creativity.

I won't give any specific instructions, only basic principles:

Select the bottle or jar used according to its color, shape or the simple fact that it is pleasing to the eye. Go through the magical qualities of herbs, colors, essential oils, metals, crystals etc and choose the ones you'll use in the bottle according to how well they suit your intended purpose. You won't normally use any liquids (except for a few drops of essential oils) in bottles left in the open, they are “dry bottles”. Aim for a harmonious whole. That means: don't try to squeeze in your bottle every single herb or crystal associated with, for example, wealth. Too much is too much!

Pick a few suitable herbs or oils, one suitable crystal, one suitable color. To represent the color you can add (silk) ribbon to the bottle or tie a ribbon around it, or paint a symbol representing your goals with the chosen color. You can also make a “hat” to cover the lid of the bottle, making it out of black cloth and painting a symbol on it with fabric paint or magic marker, or use the color of your spell as the color of this “hat”. You can use colors as colored sands or salts. Even metals have their own magickal correspondences, so you might want to use metal dust or chips.

If you are following the phases of the moon or other celestial objects in your magick, take them into consideration while constructing the bottle. It is up to the bottle's maker whether to use a formal ritual or not.

As a basic principle, it could be suggested that sands (and metal dust/chips) usually go to the bottom, herbs and oils on the sand and the crystal in with the herbs.

Final Words

You can easily develop a large number of versions of the basic Witch-bottle to suit your (and others') needs and life situations. Even during the time historical Witch-bottles were in use, there were new versions being developed, so why not today?! There is no One True Witch-bottle (even though there probably are people who would like to claim so), only bottles more like the traditional ones and bottles of more modern variety. I have run into all kinds of bottles myself, some being love-raising bottles on the brink of going over the level of good taste and ethics (some actually going overboard) to bottles constructed to bind a given bad person very tightly. The many varieties speaks volumes for how effective this type of spell work can be and how versatile it is.

— [1] Oxoniana, vol. i. p. 232, tells how the bottle got its name: “One of the Fellows of Exeter (College), when Dr Prideaux was rector, sent his servitor, after nine o'clock at night, with a large bottle to fetch some ale from the alehouse. When he was coming home with it under his gown the proctor met him, and asked him what he did out so late, and what he had under his gown? The man answered that his master had sent him to the stationers to borrow Bellarmine, which book he had under his arm; and so he went home. Whence a bottle with a big belly is called a Bellarmine to this day, 1667.”

#Witchcraft #Paganism #Magick