Read the latest posts from dotart.blog.
from Tired Doll
and as the sun rose again, summoned by the birds and their morning chorus, in spite of its death the night before, and in knowing that it would die again come evening, so too did the Doll take another step forward. it would stumble, it would fall, yet on it walked.
from untilted dot lol blog (dotart.blog's version)
I have not had a sale for the first few months since I set up shop, but this time I can take some responsibility for that, because I was initially not very clear about what I could provide to the audience besides my art and my update posts. It's also been a while since I spoke on this matter as well. You also may have also noticed that I don't post much art outside of the Untilted comic strip. All that is explained on my personal blog.
Regarding art business, I've done a lot of introspection and research on what specifically I want to do these past few months, because of the lack of subscriptions and interactions and mostly due to my thinking that I would be mostly passive while customers come to me. It seems that no matter where I set up shop, whether it's Mercari, Fiverr or some other marketplace even if run independently by me, I don't get much traction anywhere. There was a whole moment where, despite consistently putting up stuff on Mercari for weeks, I went a whole year without a single sale, which led to my frustration and led to me eventually deactivating my Mercari account. All this despite putting up stuff most people want to see. And I'm being regularly blamed for not being proactive enough when I just want to not have to think about how to woo people in my business, which apparently I must actively do or else I'll be treated with suspicion. But guess what? It was like this under actual employment as well. When I signed up for a temporary summer painting job at my community college, I was also being seen by my manager as “not doing my job and constantly disappearing” despite the fact that I actually was consistently painting on the areas I was assigned to the entire time, and despite me showing him. Which led to me quitting a day before the official employment term ended.
It turns out that I'm not very traditionally well-suited for any type of business or profession due to my nature and attitude towards it. And I think the main reason for this is because, going by how people promote their own products and all, from Mastodon to Pinterest, everyone HAS to be proactive and initiative at ALL times and everything HAS to be attractive and acceptable to the general public (or at least a well-defined popular demographic/audience) or else I'll be viewed with suspicion/contempt and eventually ignored in favor of more popular and marketable influencers. And I don't really like that notion. At all.
It also turns out that there are some things in the art business that I am not exactly comfortable with doing, that I've seen everywhere I go in a lot of art circles:
I do like the idea of putting up membership content for people to subscribe to me and see all my content there, even if it's just for a month, which is why Untilted was initially a subscription-based thing before I realized that no one knows me well enough to want to subscribe to me. But I haven't even figured that out well yet, as I see some people put some behind the scenes art in public, and other art behind a membership paywall. As a result I am stumped as to what I want to put on my membership tiers, and I am open to ideas. I was thinking maybe I could do alternative versions of certain Untilted comics, or maybe some GIF animations.
I would really like everyone's help and input with this.
from Tired Doll
a Doll with a voice that is only half their own. they speak confidently, comfortably, though they often rush and slur—an artifact of their cultural upbringing, combined with a dwindling pool of energy to put into speech. they can embody eloquence and resplendency, though they'd just as soon settle for the comfort of a simple bogan lexicon, replete with colourful swearing.¹
but it used to sing! sometimes it still does, in the quiet, on its own, and it really does enjoy it, but... its voice never quite did the things it wanted to, despite training and effort and practice. it's never been sure how to produce some of the sounds it's always wanted to, though it does some things others have wanted to emulate. lately, though, it has songs deep in its... in what would pass for its soul, songs it yearns to get out, that it just cannot physically produce. whether it's the pitch range, or the timbre, or the specific techniques required, the Doll just... can't do it. as time goes on, the Doll experiences this more and more, and each time it happens it feels that disconnect between itself and its voice grow wider.
but at least it's quite happy with the way it talks, usually. that's a big accomplishment.
¹ farkin' oath
from cobbles
Before I start. I want to be extremely clear. I love the Fediverse. I love being on the Fediverse. I'm extremely grateful to developers like Eugen. I have a Peertube account on spectra.video kindly provided for free by Sean Tilley. Librecast posts it's videos on that channel and has a mastodon account on chaos.social. As do I on onepict@chaos.social.
The Fediverse is a wonderful alternative to the walled gardens of the 2010s. It offers interoperability.
I've participated on social hub. My project is a funded by NGI Zero which funds many projects for Activity Pub integration. So I do want to be in solidarity with these projects. I don't want to piss on them or burn bridges within my community. There's a huge “however” coming.
I'm writing this rather long post. It's going to upset people. Despite my posts I don't like upsetting people. But I will call out the vibes if I feel we've not really learned anything. For all we protocol wash this stuff, nothing's changed.
I'm seeing history repeat itself. I'm seeing attitudes repeating themselves.
Especially with the recent quote about FOSS being dead. Which is true. I agree with that. Our communities and their spirits are being picked over by AI that steals our creations and creates zombies without our living fire in it.
Telling yourself that you're a FOSS project and doing good merely because you picked a licence isn't enough. Open Source has always been the acceptable face to the corporate world because it couldn't really cope with the idea of Free Software.
In our community, we tell ourselves Fairy Tales.
That's not fair. As adults, we tell ourselves fairy tales all the time. We tell ourselves comforting lies about the way the world works.
In FOSS we tell ourselves the comforting lie that what we do is ethical. Merely by writing code and releasing it under an Open Source Licence. – Esther Payne (me) [20]
However we also have a huge divide even within the Free Software world. Individual liberty over communal freedoms. Which is how we end up with the divide within the Fediverse community. Some folks really do have a problem with Opt in Consent and want to connect the world, publishing everything and sharing everything automatically.
Nearly two decades ago I was at a mini meetup where various Open Source using companies in Scotland met up to try to figure out a workable replacement for Microsoft Exchange. There was the talk about how we were nearly there and “yeah, we'd save the world from these evil proprietary Corporate Software Companies”. We'd save the world from Microsoft!
There was one dissenting voice. From a guy who believed in what we aimed to do. But was also working with Exchange day to day. Who saw just how integrated Exchange was in the Corporate world. But the underlying unspoken aim that none of us spoke out loud, was that we wanted to take over to win.
As we ended up in the startup community in Edinburgh, much of the same sentiment was closer to the surface. We had bloop, a twitter clone where the initial organiser of Tech Meetup Edinburgh was desperately trying to get us to sign up. Even creating a cross-poster to link up Facebook and Twitter. As a Managing Director friend of mine pointed out: “What's the point of it. We have Twitter and Facebook.”
We also tended to use those networks for separate things in my spaces. Twitter for the Activism, Facebook for family and friends. We knew better than to mix the groups. We were trying to prevent context collapse before other folks defined it for us. So we'd attend for the free pizza and mix together. Then some of us would go for a pint nearby and Kebab Mahal for the awesome curry and think about what folks pitched. To our little group of folks in small business who were used to Infrastructure, it seemed like a bunch of marketing wank. Solutions looking for a problem.
So looking in from an ocean and landmass away, It was interesting seeing the spirit of the startup culture showing up. It's great that developers are meeting up together. I wish there'd been some Health Policy and masking. But I know that's asking too much from many folks in FOSS.[25], [26]
We tell ourselves the fairy tale that we care, yet our values are lacking in that regard. [23], [24]
Other posts and articles have covered the two sides of the Fediverse ad-nauseam. We know the two sides, the vulnerable folks who'd like opt-in consent to be built into the design of our Fediverse applications from the beginning. Those who want to connect up everything and share information between protocols and federate everything. Even when the political considerations or consequences have never been thought about.
Ben Pate's presentation was quoted over the Fediverse by the attendees. What was quoted by some of the well known members of our Fediverse seemed to starkly illustrate the divide in attitude. Sometimes our community seems to get it. The idea of consent, and presenting ourselves as different from places like Twitter and Facebook. I mean we have IFTAS and some block lists. That's enough isn't it? We care!
“The connections between the nodes are more important than the nodes themselves.”
—Ben Pate at Fedicon August 02 2025 [1]
A quote like this is lovely. Yes, this is the freedom of Association part. It's Article 20 of the UNCHR. Freedom of Association in Safety. Then I remember bridges to Bluesky and Nostr [6]The “Apolitical” Networking Protocol. An instance using that software bridged and posted Dentangles posts about Alonso[a] on its network which is indexed by Google. Dentangle selected the No Index tag. So we had an issue with NodeBB and also discovered a Nostr instance synced those posts to it's instance. Which also doesn't seem to respect the NoIndex tag.
Nostr has a reputation for this. Nostr also works with Alex Gleason who does good work so why not? Yes, that Alex Gleason who used to work for Truth Social. Activity Pub has some issues and was never designed for many folks needs. So consent isn't really built in. It's the nature of the Internet. It was never really designed for Privacy and Security and our developer community is a reflection of that. After all, many developers started in FOSS. We're conditioned to work together and not discuss politics.
It's why when reporting on the block evasion of authorised fetch the article on we distribute was neutral about it. After all we're all working together for a common good to connect everyone up in a decentralised network. Why on earth might some folks not want to associate with us? [7].[8]
“AGREE TO DISAGREE” IS RESERVED FOR THINGS LIKE “I DON'T LIKE MARMITE.” NOT HOMOPHOBIA, TRANSPHOBIA. NOT HUMAN RIGHTS. NOT BASIC COMMON DECENCY. WE DO NOT HAVE A DIFFERENCE OF OPINION HERE. WE HAVE A DIFFERENCE IN MORALITY. DISAGREEING WITH THE VALIDITY OF SOMEONE'S IDENTITY AND THE RIGHTS AND SERVICES THEY DESERVE OR DON'T DESERVE BECAUSE OF IT IS DISCRIMINATION, NOT DISAGREEMENT. – David A. Evans
It depends on your goals. The other half of the Fediverse is a product of our startup culture on both sides of the pond. The line goes up. We must connect everybody!
Granted these are quotes from a presentation where everyone is bigging each other up. It's an important part of the community to support each other and show solidarity for each other. To grow the community.
It's also why at times, we distribute does show more solidarity for the Dev Community in the Wider decentralised community than us folks who complain about the lack of consent in the culture. I'm sure the Activity Pub and Bridging Folks feel very singled out. But here's the thing.
We expect better of you.
Yet even with a pisstake in a presentation it comes off as well as the “Developers, Developers, Developers” quote by Steve Balmer[9] It's great enthusiasm but it sets off alarm bells about corporate Fedi. You talk a good community group game. But it's no movement. You can't manufacture a movement when a good portion of your community don't feel safe in it. You can't grow a movement when you seem to have a lack of empathy for it.
You seem to think of us as haters. But if we were haters, we would just leave. Some folks have had to because of your lack of care. Much like when we've lost folks to the Proprietary world. We failed them utterly.
In the grand scheme of things, the Fediverse is still very, very small. We’re at the early peak of the “Innovators” section of the Technology Adoption Life Cycle.
Threads and Bluesky absolutely crush us in terms of user numbers, and they themselves are only tiny slices compared to even bigger platforms.
#FediCon [2]
Hot takes those posts may be. But it really gives off an air of huffing each others farts.
Like I get it. I've been there and you're all having a great time, being inspired in person. Eating together, sharing tips, doing hackathons. It helps to keep you going. Its why I loved going to conferences.
Being in a space with other Devs with no one nagging you for changes and not being mean to you is great. I'm sure there's always encouraging conversations to reassure developers that they didn't do anything wrong, or it was a mistake and you don't deserve the pile on. To be fair, no one does. Including the various minorities on the fediverse, who when they do point out what's wrong with our culture on here get way worse. No one deserves Death threats, doxing and stalking. You're getting a tiny bit of the experience for a lot of vulnerable folks on here.
I'm sympathetic really. Don't mistake that for me being a nice person. I know that some folks will be a bit upset and see this as another scold. [8]
It is a scold, but there are also behaviours to be encouraged and some of the devs in our spaces are changing. Are listening when things happen and do try to mitigate the damage. The damage is still done. So it still needs to be called out, because there's a pipeline to the Fediverse that thinks about the technical aspect first and the wider community a long time afterwards. [10]
Which Developers like Darius are working on, to create a testing framework with generated data, so we don't have incidents like the nodeBB one over the weekend.
I try my best to be kind. But I won't hide behind niceness. Niceness is a falsity. Being nice to each other and framing it as kindness means you can ignore the Fascist in the dev teams. After all if you never talk about your politics in the open, you can claim you never knew they were harmful.
“There are 8 billion humans, and we should aim to serve every single one….We can’t exactly hold up the Fediverse as a viable alternative when we leave so many people behind.”
— Ben Pate at Fedicon August 02 2025
This was the quote that made some of us on the other side of the fedi divide nervous. The side that prefers context in our communications.
I have to admit I get nervous when I see Devs on here being obsessed with scale and reaching billions of people.
Yes we do need to share information.
But we can't scale context or the complexities of language. We can't really understand the scale of billions.
Sharing information and translating is an art and takes some empathy.
Scale does matter for the transport, but the message?
You need to consider context, that takes people. It should also take explicit, enthusiastic consent.
“The 100 people in this room are the 1% of the 1% of the 1% of the 1%... If knowledge of the Fediverse were money, we would all be hundred-billionnaires.” [2] Ben Pate at Fedicon August 02 2025
This is hype cycle. This is the us and them. This gives off a mixture of mid-life crisis devs having missed out on the 2010 gold rush. Along with the kids who are so excited to be with these guys. They are finally here! Whohoo! We're so much nicer than Facebook or Twitter. Despite the fact that you'll still work with threads and Blusky which Jack Dorsey funded. Nothing's changed, we're just a little more open. We still are reducing people to the numbers.
We are still objectifying folks and logging the numbers to show our success. The line goes up.
It's the attitude that doesn't mind a bridge between separate networks of folks who perhaps shouldn't be mixed. It's the attitude that encourages context collapse.
It's also the same attitude of the earlier crop of walled garden social networks that encouraged us all to upload our address books so that our contacts had shadow profiles on those networks without their consent.
Facebook has always had a rather shonky idea of consent. It seems to be the standard Silicon Valley growth mindset to suggest users find their friends. By asking you to upload your address book. If you did upload your contacts, it's made you culpable as well in that very bad idea of consent.
Yes you.
If you uploaded your address book, there will be a shadow profile of someone who never wanted to be on Facebook. Their information is on Facebook's servers without their consent.
Chances are that person may well have told you this as well.
It's well past the time since 2013 for you to be listening to them.
Which is why I'm against the bridges. When our followers bridge our content, the current state of affairs with Activity Pub means we have very little control over where our posts get shared.
Julian who developed NodeBB, once he was made aware of the issue with Dentangles profile and posts fixed the profile not respecting the no Index part.
There's still some stuff I don't agree with like treating public and unlisted posts as the same. Which is more of a Mastodon thing and we really could do with consent being considered for version 2 of Activity Pub. Although with the Organisations that are part of the SWF I have a feeling privacy and consent will be at the bottom of the pile for Activity Pub improvements.
Eugen also recognised the issue and pinpointed the cause. [12]
Both developers were calm and polite and listened. Which is more than I can say for the circle the wagons types who see any complaint as an attack. Who also prefer to focus on the classification of the behaviour rather than consider the consequences. Anyone who brings up these sort of issues in the public as a call out will attract the ire of community defenders as much as devs who want to sort out the problem. When controversy happens on the fediverse, there is an overwhelm with discussions that mention the person as the originator. Which can cause that account to consider shutting down and leaving. Because of course we want to defend our projects. Of course the community that has built up around projects wants to defend them.
It's a thing that makes me nervous as Librecast gets bigger, as we build more. I love the fact our community is supportive. We're still building something to be usable. We're at the foundations. I love the faith that the community is putting in us.
If we screw up down the line, we need to be accountable for that. I'd never want to be responsible for a pile on because of a fuck up on our part. So I hope our wider community always takes the time to understand the situation, and waits for our response before reacting. Every member of our community is an ambassador for it.
At times, some parts of the Fediverse in their need to defend it, are not great ambassadors for a community. To be fair neither are a lot of FOSSfolks. We've got decades of form, with little solidarity for vulnerable communities.
But the thing to remember is regardless of how a post on the fediverse ended up being indexed by google. The fact is that user expectations were broken, a users posts was indexed on Google.
We're careless with peoples data. We always have been and I'd like us to do better.
Money and power are not the problem. The centralization of that money and power are the problem. – Ben Pate at Fedicon August 02 2025 [4]
This is a great acknowledgement of one of the reasons we are in the online situation we are in. But it's not the whole story. Decentralisation much like multicast is not the panacea for fixing the problems. They are merely the transports for information.
Who we choose to associate with, what are their politics does matter. You can't expect vulnerable folks to associate with others who have a laissez fair attitude to Privacy and politics. Money is merely a way to enforce and gain power.
The problem is who we associate with to enable that power and influence. The problem is not recognising the solidarity we should have with folks who require mutual aid. The folks who do require some privacy but who want to have some visibility because we live in a capitalist world and artists do need to eat sometime this month. As do developers and community folks. [13 – 19 ]
There is another way. If you want to develop in the Fediverse. Consider consent! [21]
Sometimes consent has already been built in via the way the network you need to bridge was built in the first place as Encyclia Found. But Encyclia has also made opt-out very easy. There's a paper you can read and everything. [22] The developers analysed Orcid and the fediverse communities, they asked folks like Jon Pincus (and myself) what we thought. Before Julian Fietkau even asked, there was an automatic opt-out mechanism. I have an Orcid id, and I work in the public. So it's a useful bridge for me. Julian took the time to understand both communities and put the work in to get community buy in.
More of that please.
[a] A small Dog who visits dentangle. Alonso is awesome.
[1] https://social.wedistribute.org/objects/374c4a38-afe7-47ad-bfda-53e56d270b2d
[2] https://cosocial.ca/@evan/114960662017514079
[3] https://social.wedistribute.org/objects/332b437c-18ea-4cc0-bf1c-9beeba406617 archive.today link
[4] https://j12t.social/@j12t/114960633276222308 archive.today link
[5] https://www.onepict.com/consentpartdeux20240215.html
[6] https://wedistribute.org/2024/05/nostr-crash-course/
[7] https://wedistribute.org/2023/12/authorized-fetch-circumvented/
[8] https://dotart.blog/cobbles/the-scolds-bridle
[9] https://www.businessinsider.com/steve-ballmer-viral-sweaty-developers-chant-microsoft-2025-6
[10] https://cathode.church/fedi-scraper-counter.html
[11] https://community.nodebb.org/post/105338
[12] https://mastodon.social/@Gargron/114959141909677032
[13] https://www.onepict.com/20240813-ecosystem.html
[14] https://www.onepict.com/20241114-hats.html
[15] https://www.onepict.com/20240409-sustain.html
[16] https://www.onepict.com/20240409-sustain.html
[17] https://www.onepict.com/20240512-elephant.html
[18] https://www.onepict.com/2022-11-28-resign.html
[19] https://www.onepict.com/20240601-fedieco.html
[20] https://www.onepict.com/20250119-cobbles.html
[21] https://privacy.thenexus.today/consent-for-fediverse-developers/
[22] https://encyclia.pub/optin-optout-analysis
[23] https://librecast.net/fluconf-2025/
[24] https://librecast.net/2025-07-31-matrix-and-linkedin.html
[25] https://beige.party/@PhoenixSerenity/114950635483009795
[26] https://dotart.blog/cobbles/why-the-cobbles
from Tired Doll
it puts down the pen, folds the paper gently, and tapes it all together.
down by the river, carefully placed, floating; a small candle flame inluminates the vessel, delicately glowing upon the waters:
and so the Doll says farewell to the ghost that haunted it for so many years. again.
maybe this time she'll finally leave.
from Tired Doll
a Doll and a Witch, standing in a mirrored chamber, seeing nothing but their reflections, stretching out to infinity. and reflect they have, both learning to see themselves differently.
a Doll and a Witch, at the centre of the maze. one final challenge, one final choice.
the mirrors flicker and glitch, the reality of this unreality bending to the will of... her. the girl in the mirror appears before them both. at first, the Doll sees itself, but then it recognises that the girl is made of flesh and blood. the Witch, having seen her before, knows that this is the single greatest threat to her existence.
who are you? the voice fills their minds, echoing inside their heads. it comes from nowhere, it comes from everywhere.
the Doll speaks its name, something it doesn't do often. the Witch hesitates but for a moment, then speaks the same name.
who are you? the Doll repeats its name, but the Witch stays silent.
who are you? this time the Doll just looks confused. the Witch trembles slightly. “I don't know.”
the Doll squeezes her hand.
silence.
taking its time, the Doll formulates an answer. some minutes later, it pipes up: “we are doing our best.” the Witch tilts her head. that doesn't seem to answer the question of the girl in the mirror. the mirror flickers again.
what do you need? the Witch blinks. apparently that was the right answer. the Doll smiles with its painted lips. neither know how to answer, though.
what do you need? “each other!” the Witch blurts out. “... we need each other.” this time it's the Doll who doesn't understand. it hasn't seen the Witch since it came into being all those years ago. a lifetime has passed since then. the girl in the mirror nods.
the mirrors glitch out, the room shakes.
“Doll, we don't have long, and I don't know what we'll remember from this place but... I'm sorry I haven't been there for you, and I'm sorry that you've suffered in my place all this time. I need you to know that—”
the Doll squeezes the Witch tightly as it whispers, “no. no it's okay. you were scared, and it's my role to protect you.”
the mirrors shatter, shards of glass raining down around the pair, never touching them.
“we'll just keep doing our best.” “together?” “together. we've always done it together, apart.”
the mirror realm is consumed by light; all that was contained within, obliterated.
from Magicka Ovriana
I've been posting some magick and ritual themed lyrics of mine over at the Ovro blog side, have a peek!
from Ovro
like swarm of locusts she razes the world from blood and wardust conjures the word
blood thickens, quickens rushes to you head you're willing, eager (soon) conquered in her bed
she saw you dreaming of being the beast the air is steaming get down on your knees
you're ridden, hidden lost in her veils see only scarlet learn pleasures and pains
transformed and cleaming you stand at the door no longer dreaming fulfilling the law
you rise up, wisened hawk-head held high arched, pleased she stars up her sky
#lyrics #poetry #DarkAmbient
Thelemic song about initiation, performed once by Hæretici 7o74 at Lumous Gothic festival, Tampere. Never released.
from Ovro
I think that's about the time I met the loner, Mr. Friend-Seeker. I wasn't looking for anybody, but he was and how he was. He was so lonely and told me, he couldn't understand. I thought he looked tame, good-natured, well-meaning. The kind of man that every mother dreams of. I took notice of him and I felt pity, and I made myself available. Offered my shoulder to cry on, you know. He took up on the offer and I felt pity. He came to me and just didn't go away. You do not understand...
At first – at first we had fun. Went out, we danced, we laughed, partied. I didn't see what was going on in his mind, I didn't realize. He was always there. Where ever I turned, he was there, he was breathing down my neck.He was always so eager to see me, but he always wanted more and it felt suffocating. So... I tried to avoid him, but it made everything worse. I tried to avoid him, but it made things worse.
When I first met him, I had a vision in a glass of darkness. He was looking in the mirror and his reflection turned away. Now I know why. His image knew what was in him. I only saw a glimpse through the cracks. Then the cracks widened, it all poured down on me.
These days I don't go anywhere. I don't dance, I don't talk, my laugh is a bit different. These days I don't go anywhere. There's nowhere to go. I may laugh different, my smile may be twisted. I may laugh differently, but he can't laugh at all anymore
#lyrics #poetry #DarkAmbient
Another way of telling this kind of story was The Lonely One, but this was what ended up on Id|entities. This version drew inspiration from a real life Friend-Seeker I had encountered, who followed me everywhere (mostly digitally) and who I ended up treating badly just to get myself back.
It is not a part of my life I look back on with any kind of pride, but that loner broke something in me that’s taken years to rebuild. They were very much trying to push me into their mold, trying to make me the me they had built an idealized image of (an image real me could never live up to). If only I saw the error of my existence and changed!
My somewhat creepy video for Loner is on YT. Some day I’ll get around to switching to PeerTube, I swear!
from Ovro
I am unkempt underdog I've seen world's unclean underbelly but I'm ambidextrously armed with old-time occidental order.
I'm howling at my moon sign how high ya think my star shines? Bark back dark banks of Black River Oh, mine is Sirius business.
Hey you one-armed wonder kids I know your cheats and pony tricks how you binariously bask in your black/white brain-cave disorder.
I sneer at the so-called snobs, those self-satisfying slobs, say Hefty Dark Lords in the cellars Oh, Light Knights in blinding armour.
All bridled to their idols, clinging to their little egos and their mental vir-gi-ni-ty when I'm in their vi-ci-ni-ty
Oh, you one-viewed wonder brains pour bleach inyer ear-tunnel drains Talking dirty cause smart's too hard 'though everything is all there is
They're grasping at their blinders clutching to their little egos couchging curses, enlightment wholesale missing marbles, thinking balls are brains
Yeah, those Dark Lords in their cellars oh, them Light Knights in blinding armour Seeing world with one eye only 'though everything is all there is.
But I'm the unkempt underdog I've cleaned world's unclean underbellies cause I'm ambidextrously armed with old-time occidental order.
#lyrics #poetry #DarkAmbient
Track labeled Underdog can be found on Id|entities, but it is an instrumental one. What is this tomfoolery? Are they different songs? Nope, they are the same song, I just couldn’t hear anybody (including myself) doing the vocals I had written, so I just left them out. Art moves in mysterious ways sometimes.
from Ovro
keep quiet stay quiet
you're just a voice in my head you're just a voice of the dead
stay quiet be quiet
you're just a voice from the past you're just a voice that won't last
be quiet keep quiet
I keep my secrets shackled I keep my lovers boxed in
keep quiet stay quiet
your manhood on my mantelpiece your flesh cubed, wrapped in plastic perfectly preserved
stay quiet be quiet
your liver cut,friend an' served your guts fed to stray dogs
be quiet keep quiet
your heart dried fin'lly true size friends found you tasteless
keep quiet stay quite
your hide tanned sold on market little baggies made of skin
stay quiet be quiet
your bones bleached hung out to dry i hid them in plain sight
be quiet die quiet
stay in the box I put you in stay in your plastic wrappers
do not make me come and get you do not make me come and cut you
again
you just wait 'till I get home
die quiet keep quiet
#lyrics #poetry #DarkAmbient
Shut-off is a sister track to Absent, with both appearing on Id|entities. Of all the different voices and stories on that album, Shut-off and Absent definitely happen in the same universe. With the others one can speculate about but these two leak into each others, include voices from each others and tell two sides of the same story. Whether there are two or just one body containing the voices – that I leave for the listener to decide.
The video for Shut-off was fun to film and got me some worried looks in Tampere train station.
from Ovro
you had nothing left to offer so you came to me
you sold your soul already your hide auctioned to the lowest bidder your body just a piece of cheap meat
i'm gonna mold you like fresh clay press you into my mold make you a hollow container pour my thoughts into you make them yours
i'm going to burn you in my furnace with you my willing victim my own private holocaust
#poetry #lyrics #darkambient
One of the more questionable voices on Id|entities is speaking and their plan does not sound good.
I made this track a music video in 2011, so it is more like a demo video..
from humanissome
I I can't I can't do I can't do anything
Maybe tomorrow
from humanissome
It's easy to get mad at the people who vote for evil. I'm mad. I hate my fellow white people including former friends and my mom. Think about that. I hate my mom. [1]
But do we get mad at people who eat at McDonald's or only buy Crest or Colgate or shop at Home Depot or who own iPhones? Advertising works. The effects of advertising are well known or else they wouldn't exist. And Democrats raise gobs of money and put on advertisements before elections. But if a better-for-you cola runs 6 weeks of ads I don't think it's going to outsell Coke. The Democrats can't compete against a lifetime of brainwashing. All through the 80s, 90s, 00s, 10s, and today, the Democratic Party has been dehumanized by a nonstop media onslaught from the right. Lefties like me laugh because the attacks are juvenile. And so are most commercials.
Ok but Black Americans exist in the same media landscape & they might buy Colgate but they're not voting for Republicans! They are reliable Democratic voters. Ok. I'm just an artist, a white man; I'm not able to speak for Black Americans. But I know this: Black people know their existence is under threat & it's never stopped being under threat. I also believe that Black Americans have a stronger network of community & family. (Above I talked about my division with my own mother. More below [2].) I doubt Black Americans vote for Democrats because of advertisements or even for specific policies. It's existential, a feeling, reinforcement of identity and community.
Remember, I'm just talking. All this is uneducated speculation. I'm an artist, not a college graduate!
[1] Well that's complicated. She never accepted me as a gay person & she's always lived in delusions & now she has dementia. I feel gravely wounded by her & I don't like her & I don't understand her. I feel for her similarly to how I feel for America. Sometimes the word hate feels best suited for this relationship. It sure isn't cold indifference. [2] My mother is the white conservative I know best so I wonder if they're all like her: Living in delusions. Impervious to reason, to pleading, to arguments from loved ones. Mainlining Fox & other conservative media as their lifeblood. Zombies. Yes she was on automatic pilot for years before the dementia diagnosis... I wonder if there is a higher % of dementia among the white population.
96% of this post was written February 27, 2025, and left incomplete. “Under pressure” of my made-up weekly blog deadline, I decided to add a few finishing touches. I choose to blog about politics this week because it's a bleak time. It's depressing, yet somehow a pep talk to realize that embracing humanity is an uphill battle & always has been.
from humanissome
Fighting anti-humanism is my life's work. I talk about humanism a lot, an annoying amount, and I name half my internet entities humanissome. I do this because I believe that the problems in our world reflect a pervasive anti-humanism. Standing up for humanism is the ultimate fight, the effort to rescue each individual and simultaneously all humanity.
Examples of pervasive anti-humanism and humanistic attitudes to combat them:
Capitalism. Money-centered existence diminishes individuals & humanity. Center what's natural: the body (including emotions), all humans, animals, plants, the planet. Use labor and capital for the benefit of those.I leverage my privilege to extract as much progress as possible toward humanist goals. I do not commit labor to society-harming entities. I minimize consumption. I have managed to stay alive 6 years this way. My next step is to liquidate possessions as I seek greater life satisfaction, reduction in harm, and increased devotion to long-term writing goals. I offer my own work freely, requesting donations in exchange. (If I produce a book I may sell it conventionally but I would still make copies available on sliding scale.)open for longer discussion
Yes of course this frequent villain tops the list! To the extent that capitalism is a tool in service of humanity it can be neutral. The problem is that it's an ism and isms are systems. Capitalism has proven to be a more robust system than humanism (or communism) for 2 reasons that I can think of. It appears neutral. “Let the market decide,” we frequently hear. There's no central committee determining priorities in who gets what resources; it comes down to having money. If you have it you get things; if you have no money you can rot and die. Objectivity! Of course there is no objectivity when it comes to laws passed, military strikes, humans incarcerated and killed. The appearance of objectivity is that those who have the money (objective!) get to make all the subjective decisions. (“I'm the decider!” in the words of a former particularly powerful, undeserving leader.) The second reason that capitalism prevails is that it depends on greed, a very real, prevalent human vice. (“Greed is good!” said an 80s movie caricature who became a role model for many.) Capitalists might argue that it's a system like democracy, the worst form of Government except all those other forms that have been tried
, that has produced humankind's greatest chance of peaceful prosperity. My shortest rebuttal is to ask: Do we want to defend what has gotten us to the way things are or to consider the possibility that we can do better? Incidentally genuine free and fair democracy is the best hope for humanist improvement. The US has never been close to that. This section could expand to its own essay, a book, a lifelong debate. To simplify for this discussion, capitalism is not compatible with humanism because of its numerous anti-humanist outcomes. Considering profits for the wealthy over general wellbeing is dooming humanity. This debate is the existential challenge confronting humanity. How does an individual participate in abandoning capitalism? (Or if you prefer a softer version: How does an individual help improve capitalism to achieve humanist results?) Living is Humanist Job 1. In the current world many are consumed by the struggle to stay alive. Unfortunately existence is a privilege today. I believe the requirements for satisfaction in living (meaningfulness) is proportional to privilege. Life intrinsically has meaning. For many staying alive is all that is possible, and their lives are meaningful. As one's privilege increases expectation grows. “With great power comes great responsibility.” World horrors result from the dysfunction of inordinate privilege not harnessed to commensurate service. The imbalanced selfishness erodes character and satisfaction. I believe that “the modern condition” of ennui is a reflection of unused privilege. It's important to emphasize that this evaluation of sufficient meaning is internal. It's not possible to judge from outside. There is no karmic system in humanissome. It is also impossible to know the life satisfaction felt by another unless they reveal it. We only have results to go on. It appears that those who lead lives spreading vitriol and cruelty are unhappy. In world affairs we cannot know; in personal interactions we may ask others to confide in us their self reported life satisfaction. I have received a great deal of unsolicited life advice from others who admit they are unhappy. Nobody's perfect of course. This paragraph is another that could be a book.
Perfectionism. “I'm right, they're wrong. They're idiots. What's wrong with those people? They're not like me, they're animals.” · “My mind is terrible, I can't remember anything. I'm so fat now. I was better fifteen years ago.” Ranking and judging damages self worth, deteriorates human community. Settle for less. What is is. What is is good. Diversity is good. Perfection is a delusion. Love all. Ok, now, ya hippie, how can you love all?! Equally?! I'm not concerned about equally, that's a ranking urge. I strive to live centered in love. It's not easy. It's work. I love myself and others in our imperfections. I aspire to love all unconditionally.
Minimizing Feelings. “I'm afraid of looking at certain texts, talking to certain people. I'm pathetic. Worrying makes it worse, I should just...” Hating feelings is hating oneself. Feelings are natural, beautiful, human. Instead of seeing a conflict between feelings and reason I seek peaceful coexistence. (Compossibility is an important word in my philosophy for another time.) Feelings are valid. Feelings are who I am. Reason is too. These provide data for me to consider. I can change any time. I make decisions based on feelings and reason.
There's so much more. I started a weekly blog a couple months ago to force me to write and publish constantly. The work builds. There is no perfect. I'm grateful to be working in a space that collects my efforts (corporate spaces usually throw yesterday's unpopular work away). I hope to keep going.
from humanissome
It's hard for me to adhere to a weekly schedule (or any schedule). When I wrote my most recent blog post at https://dotart.blog/rmiddleton I said, “Rob, maybe you should make this your weekly Rworld news post,” and replied, “but it's only been half a week! What if I ever did have subscribers who wanted to hear from me no more than once a week?” Now the weekly post is several days late and though I have ideas — I always have ideas — I do not have the energy to write those. What I am going to do is paste over a series of Mastodon toots I just wrote that I have mixed feelings about (you'll see why). That way I get to let some feelings out somewhere more under the radar than my main social media. So, just to reiterate, when I post more often than weekly it either goes on Mastodon if short @rmiddleton@mastodon.art or it goes on my unscheduled blog @rmiddleton@dotart.blog.
Earlier today someone labeled my views as weird and I said that I agree. There's more to it than that but it's been gnawing at me. I agree that my views are unusual and I have often labeled myself weird, sometimes claiming it's my middle name. That's defensive, similar to queer. I try to take great care with my words and would love to live among others who do also. Carelessness (as I perceive it) is why I do not socialize more. Alternatives to calling what I said weird include: surprising, ahistorical, unsupported, and unusual. The guy did say “weird IMO” so he's simply saying that he disagrees. I have mixed feelings about this post because I'm not trying to start anything; I'm trying to settle my stomach. There are many times when my first reaction to a comment is antagonism. That's wired in me, a white 52 y.o. Gay American rejected at home. I'm happier when I don't accelerate into conflict on social media. I try to “take it.” I could have defended my views more but I do understand the point about art history. I would bet that artists whose work fulfilled a role within a system also made work that was just for them, or they may have felt a conflict between the work that they were permitted to do & work they wanted to do by their own motivation. I'd also make the point that visual art evolving into abstract forms is some proof that as artists became more free their work became more playful. Finally, for my views to evolve beyond prior conventions is nothing new. I feel the same about spirituality and politics. The idea that my understanding of art is out of line with history is unsurprising to me. I believe that I am progressing as much as I am able to within my life. Whether this makes me naive, or delusional, or arrogant, or deranged in the eyes of others is their business — but I would prefer to be spoken to with respect as a lifelong artist who reached my beliefs about art with much time, thought, and care.