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from Ovro

Oldest surviving draft

met and parted perfect strangers you my heartache I your vorpal angel

slept a decade tired of dreaming

cried paint me scarlet call me a rose

by any other name it's not the same

talked to the hand your eye would not see me

tried changing it never did the want went away

met and parted perfect strangers you my heartache I your vorpal angel

Second draft

met and partied mortal strangers one a mirror one a vorpal angel

slept a decade grew tired of dreaming black hazy heartache woke up screaming

wailed paint me scarlet call me a rose it isn't the same by any other name

no game want gone away

left departed mortal strangers no more mirrors only vorpal angels

Vorpal Angel (EP version)

met and partied mortal strangers one mirror one vorpal angel

slept a decade grew tired of dreaming black hazy heartache woke up screaming

cried paint me scarlet call me a rose no other name is the same

no game (never, never came) want gone away

left departed vorpal angel (stop breaking mirror, be a vorpal angel)

no more mirrors only mortal strangers.

#Poetry #Lyrics #DarkAmbient

Background info

Another one of those late 2003 lyrics of mine dealing with my life back then. See my post on Differentiaton Irrevocable. This is a story of my first, long lasting relationship in form of poetry. I am the Vorpal Angel, my then SO is the Mirror and the situation is me realizing things are about to fall apart.

Vorpal Angel is on the Vipera Aurea side of MtS/VA double EP.

 
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from weekly Rworld news

The left is actually doing pretty well, considering.

96% of this post was written February 27, 2025, and left incomplete. “Under pressure” of my made-up weekly blog deadline, I decided to add a few finishing touches. I choose to blog about politics this week because it's a bleak time. It's depressing, yet somehow a pep talk to realize that embracing humanity is an uphill battle & always has been.

It's easy to get mad at the people who vote for evil. I'm mad. I hate my fellow white people including former friends and my mom. Think about that. I hate my mom. [1]

But do we get mad at people who eat at McDonald's or only buy Crest or Colgate or shop at Home Depot or who own iPhones? Advertising works. The effects of advertising are well known or else they wouldn't exist. And Democrats raise gobs of money and put on advertisements before elections. But if a better-for-you cola runs 6 weeks of ads I don't think it's going to outsell Coke. The Democrats can't compete against a lifetime of brainwashing. All through the 80s, 90s, 00s, 10s, and today, the Democratic Party has been dehumanized by a nonstop media onslaught from the right. Lefties like me laugh because the attacks are juvenile. And so are most commercials.

Ok but Black Americans exist in the same media landscape & they might buy Colgate but they're not voting for Republicans! They are reliable Democratic voters. Ok. I'm just an artist, a white man; I'm not able to speak for Black Americans. But I know this: Black people know their existence is under threat & it's never stopped being under threat. I also believe that Black Americans have a stronger network of community & family. (Above I talked about my division with my own mother. More below [2].) I doubt Black Americans vote for Democrats because of advertisements or even for specific policies. It's existential, a feeling, reinforcement of identity and community.

Remember, I'm just talking. All this is uneducated speculation. I'm an artist, not a college graduate!

[1] Well that's complicated. She never accepted me as a gay person & she's always lived in delusions & now she has dementia. I feel gravely wounded by her & I don't like her & I don't understand her. I feel for her similarly to how I feel for America. Sometimes the word hate feels best suited for this relationship. It sure isn't cold indifference. [2] My mother is the white conservative I know best so I wonder if they're all like her: Living in delusions. Impervious to reason, to pleading, to arguments from loved ones. Mainlining Fox & other conservative media as their lifeblood. Zombies. Yes she was on automatic pilot for years before the dementia diagnosis... I wonder if there is a higher % of dementia among the white population.

 
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from weekly Rworld news

Fighting anti-humanism is my life's work. I talk about humanism a lot, an annoying amount, and I name half my internet entities humanissome. I do this because I believe that the problems in our world reflect a pervasive anti-humanism. Standing up for humanism is the ultimate fight, the effort to rescue each individual and simultaneously all humanity.

Examples of pervasive anti-humanism and humanistic attitudes to combat them:

Capitalism. Money-centered existence diminishes individuals & humanity. Center what's natural: the body (including emotions), all humans, animals, plants, the planet. Use labor and capital for the benefit of those.

open for longer discussionYes of course this frequent villain tops the list! To the extent that capitalism is a tool in service of humanity it can be neutral. The problem is that it's an ism and isms are systems. Capitalism has proven to be a more robust system than humanism (or communism) for 2 reasons that I can think of. It appears neutral. “Let the market decide,” we frequently hear. There's no central committee determining priorities in who gets what resources; it comes down to having money. If you have it you get things; if you have no money you can rot and die. Objectivity! Of course there is no objectivity when it comes to laws passed, military strikes, humans incarcerated and killed. The appearance of objectivity is that those who have the money (objective!) get to make all the subjective decisions. (“I'm the decider!” in the words of a former particularly powerful, undeserving leader.) The second reason that capitalism prevails is that it depends on greed, a very real, prevalent human vice. (“Greed is good!” said an 80s movie caricature who became a role model for many.) Capitalists might argue that it's a system like democracy, the worst form of Government except all those other forms that have been tried, that has produced humankind's greatest chance of peaceful prosperity. My shortest rebuttal is to ask: Do we want to defend what has gotten us to the way things are or to consider the possibility that we can do better? Incidentally genuine free and fair democracy is the best hope for humanist improvement. The US has never been close to that. This section could expand to its own essay, a book, a lifelong debate. To simplify for this discussion, capitalism is not compatible with humanism because of its numerous anti-humanist outcomes. Considering profits for the wealthy over general wellbeing is dooming humanity. This debate is the existential challenge confronting humanity. How does an individual participate in abandoning capitalism? (Or if you prefer a softer version: How does an individual help improve capitalism to achieve humanist results?) Living is Humanist Job 1. In the current world many are consumed by the struggle to stay alive. Unfortunately existence is a privilege today. I believe the requirements for satisfaction in living (meaningfulness) is proportional to privilege. Life intrinsically has meaning. For many staying alive is all that is possible, and their lives are meaningful. As one's privilege increases expectation grows. “With great power comes great responsibility.” World horrors result from the dysfunction of inordinate privilege not harnessed to commensurate service. The imbalanced selfishness erodes character and satisfaction. I believe that “the modern condition” of ennui is a reflection of unused privilege. It's important to emphasize that this evaluation of sufficient meaning is internal. It's not possible to judge from outside. There is no karmic system in humanissome. It is also impossible to know the life satisfaction felt by another unless they reveal it. We only have results to go on. It appears that those who lead lives spreading vitriol and cruelty are unhappy. In world affairs we cannot know; in personal interactions we may ask others to confide in us their self reported life satisfaction. I have received a great deal of unsolicited life advice from others who admit they are unhappy. Nobody's perfect of course. This paragraph is another that could be a book.
I leverage my privilege to extract as much progress as possible toward humanist goals. I do not commit labor to society-harming entities. I minimize consumption. I have managed to stay alive 6 years this way. My next step is to liquidate possessions as I seek greater life satisfaction, reduction in harm, and increased devotion to long-term writing goals. I offer my own work freely, requesting donations in exchange. (If I produce a book I may sell it conventionally but I would still make copies available on sliding scale.)

Perfectionism. “I'm right, they're wrong. They're idiots. What's wrong with those people? They're not like me, they're animals.” · “My mind is terrible, I can't remember anything. I'm so fat now. I was better fifteen years ago.” Ranking and judging damages self worth, deteriorates human community. Settle for less. What is is. What is is good. Diversity is good. Perfection is a delusion. Love all. Ok, now, ya hippie, how can you love all?! Equally?! I'm not concerned about equally, that's a ranking urge. I strive to live centered in love. It's not easy. It's work. I love myself and others in our imperfections. I aspire to love all unconditionally.

Minimizing Feelings. “I'm afraid of looking at certain texts, talking to certain people. I'm pathetic. Worrying makes it worse, I should just...” Hating feelings is hating oneself. Feelings are natural, beautiful, human. Instead of seeing a conflict between feelings and reason I seek peaceful coexistence. (Compossibility is an important word in my philosophy for another time.) Feelings are valid. Feelings are who I am. Reason is too. These provide data for me to consider. I can change any time. I make decisions based on feelings and reason.

There's so much more. I started a weekly blog a couple months ago to force me to write and publish constantly. The work builds. There is no perfect. I'm grateful to be working in a space that collects my efforts (corporate spaces usually throw yesterday's unpopular work away). I hope to keep going.

 
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from weekly Rworld news

It's hard for me to adhere to a weekly schedule (or any schedule). When I wrote my most recent blog post at https://dotart.blog/rmiddleton I said, “Rob, maybe you should make this your weekly Rworld news post,” and replied, “but it's only been half a week! What if I ever did have subscribers who wanted to hear from me no more than once a week?” Now the weekly post is several days late and though I have ideas — I always have ideas — I do not have the energy to write those. What I am going to do is paste over a series of Mastodon toots I just wrote that I have mixed feelings about (you'll see why). That way I get to let some feelings out somewhere more under the radar than my main social media. So, just to reiterate, when I post more often than weekly it either goes on Mastodon if short @rmiddleton@mastodon.art or it goes on my unscheduled blog @rmiddleton@dotart.blog.

Earlier today someone labeled my views as weird and I said that I agree. There's more to it than that but it's been gnawing at me. I agree that my views are unusual and I have often labeled myself weird, sometimes claiming it's my middle name. That's defensive, similar to queer. I try to take great care with my words and would love to live among others who do also. Carelessness (as I perceive it) is why I do not socialize more. Alternatives to calling what I said weird include: surprising, ahistorical, unsupported, and unusual. The guy did say “weird IMO” so he's simply saying that he disagrees. I have mixed feelings about this post because I'm not trying to start anything; I'm trying to settle my stomach. There are many times when my first reaction to a comment is antagonism. That's wired in me, a white 52 y.o. Gay American rejected at home. I'm happier when I don't accelerate into conflict on social media. I try to “take it.” I could have defended my views more but I do understand the point about art history. I would bet that artists whose work fulfilled a role within a system also made work that was just for them, or they may have felt a conflict between the work that they were permitted to do & work they wanted to do by their own motivation. I'd also make the point that visual art evolving into abstract forms is some proof that as artists became more free their work became more playful. Finally, for my views to evolve beyond prior conventions is nothing new. I feel the same about spirituality and politics. The idea that my understanding of art is out of line with history is unsurprising to me. I believe that I am progressing as much as I am able to within my life. Whether this makes me naive, or delusional, or arrogant, or deranged in the eyes of others is their business — but I would prefer to be spoken to with respect as a lifelong artist who reached my beliefs about art with much time, thought, and care.

 
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from RMiddleton

My boyfriend asked:

Tough question. When does life and experiences become a higher priority than art creation, and when does art creation become a higher priority than life and experiences?

He keeps a journal when we are apart. We have a long distance relationship that's getting longer. I'm not sure when we next see each other. He journals amazingly, recapping his experiences and feelings about them; sharing his creations; and posing meaningful questions to himself, to me, to all of us. And I am in pain. I feel moved by what he says and unable to reply meaningfully:

my answer to this could be long. I will try to write it soon, maybe as a blog.

And here I am, trying.

Binary thinking is seductive, easy to fall into. It's a trap. The answer cannot be that either art or living is the top priority. Right? But those are words. Talking and making it so are vastly different.

Aside: I'm sad about the word performative because I've learned that until it's recent popularity it meant something else. A rare usage, performative meant making it so — as in, “I now pronounce you wife & wife.” The words are performative. They exist and they perform a function. Now performative means the opposite, devoid of meaning, for performance. With the loss of this word I feel I have one less tool to make words into reality. I realize that can't make sense; it's just vocabulary. Then again that's what I'm talking about, the relationship of words to reality.

Sigh. Why can't I be brief? Let me go back:

When does one become the priority: living or creating art?

I don't enjoy living without creating. And obviously I cannot create if I am not alive. The two are hand in hand. The two may be the same to me. I'm a “bad choice” of person to answer this question because compared to many I am not living. I do very little every day. I do not earn a living. I'm isolated from most people I've ever known. Sigh. I type sigh now. And mean it. That's now a thing I do.

Let me try to simplify: At times I can take photos of anything and it feels like art. I could capture every moment — and not just photographically but why not the audio too? I could write the scenes and paint them! Every moment can be recorded. Think about all the shared photos of meals. My most recent text to my boyfriend is:

I made a beefy cheesy stir fry. No pic.

It almost feels like a big missed opportunity not to take a photo of a good meal, because the phones make it so easy. The implication may be there's no record of the event because I was busy living. That may be a point of conflict between living and art, taking the time to memorialize. Stories have long bothered me because they are all lies. In some sense a story must be incomplete. It is edited for time. It cannot take place from every point of view. It could take a lifetime to accurately understand one moment.

Here is where interaction is key, and the limitations of living as a solitary artist. Other people provide a form of constraint or direction. For example, I'm not happy with this answer and think it would be better as a conversation.

Still I have learned something important by writing this attempted answer: I don't have to answer any questions! Schooling, or wanting to appear smart, or just being a thinking being inspires me to attempt to answer every question that's posed to me. And if I'm going to produce an answer I want it to sound correct! In doing so I'm deviating from a core belief that there are no right answers. Since my words aren't performative (old sense) I find that I must restate that core belief over and over as I try to absorb it. My words — these words — pile up and get in the way as I continue to not answer! All I have any right to say is:

I don't know.

Discussing it is what makes it interesting to me. I don't think I'll ever know.

 
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from weekly Rworld news

8 June I went to Trader Joe's, the store where I still have gift credit. I came home and ate and swam. Made a video while swimming, using my lav mic clipped to my hair.

Large screen enclosure covering a bright blue lit swimming pool with a man me swimming in it Then I remade the bed with my better sheets. And I burned some of a scent I like. Now I'm watching the last episode of the animated Amazon show Undone before bed. [1]

Small brown and white speckled dog sitting on bed with ecru sheets and white blanket.

Perhaps tomorrow will be a little bit better.


9 June It's now tomorrow. I have eaten and showered and taken care of the dog (including coordinating his in-home grooming appointment) and prepared an overseas package for someone else and read and now written this. I'm thinking my blogging could morph into more simple descriptions instead of attempting to make meaning. I'm waiting for the housekeeper to arrive before I drop the package at a UPS store.

I read from a library book Dream Me Home Safely: Writers on growing up in America (2003) with the express purpose of helping me process my homeland. I enjoyed Julia Álvarez “Ars Politica” and Howard Norman “Birds at Night.” I have a sense that the majority of the rest of the book isn't for me. I will skim.

I think maybe if I chronicle the worthwhile moments of my life in a simple diary I may feel better. I'm currently unable to wrest deep meaning from my thoughts into words. Perhaps it's better to stop trying to do that anyway.

[1] I'm dog sitting. I love the dog. I'm comfortable with the people enough to be calm in their space — except I dislike the odors and fumes and textures of this home. Oh and this visit I can only watch Amazon because their Apple TV is logged out and the husband doesn't want to walk me through how to get it running. I was here just last week and I'm into Murderbot now! Eee. Also who cares.

 
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from RMiddleton

10 steps forward, 11 steps back on a societal scale

It's a recurring thing for me that I do not understand other people's energy. My mother always had unlimited energy that she directed (and directed me) to trivial projects. That's how I feel about most people.

Like, I think if people aren't devoting energy to improvement of self and all humans then that's wasted energy.

I want only to improve myself and with it to improve all humanity... and I have no energy.


I have a theory that we who are not welcome are more concerned about benefits for all.

My string of thoughts goes: If I allow myself to selfishly only look out for myself then in fairness, transitively, I allow selfishness. I know that I am condemned by others, my well-being is opposed by some. So I feel that my survival is tied to the betterment of all.


the airplane mask example You do need to be selfish to survive I think this is more towards prioritization than selfishness. Because if you function good, you can assist others. But if you can’t function, you won’t be able to assist others.
Yes I think that's part of my hope in moving. I don't think it's possible to function in the US without harming others

I'm not saying I'm right. I know I'm not surviving & I'm not functioning. But what I'm saying is that I believe that structurally the US is built on oppression & I do not believe any improvement is possible without facing that & rejecting it.

I believe strength is in numbers. If enough people would stop working for the harmful system & work to help each other then positive change is possible. I think just looking out for oneself prevents positive change.


The above is excerpted from a conversation. My current state of despair is global & based on decades. I don't present my thoughts as an argument. I specifically think that the way I am is faulty & incapable of survival. Hiwever I also believe there to be insight in what I say. I do not believe that progress will occur without disruption. It will not flower from current systems. If more people were like me, willing to fully reject the current ways, then improvement might be possible. I arrived at my way of being because I do not believe that “success” in a corrupt system correlates to happiness or satisfaction or peace of mind. My observation is widespread unhappiness under capitalism among all strata. The wealthy busy themselves to flee all thought. I made choices based on that belief. It's not worth the effort to survive & thrive in a system that produces misery for all within it. I'm a conscientious objector.

abstract painting

 
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from untilted dot lol blog (dotart.blog's version)

I know I went a full month without posting anything new or worthwhile on the untilted dot lol blog. But, on the bright side, some new changes are coming:

  • There is now a dotart.blog mirror of the untilted dot lol blog. This means an actual RSS feed (besides my mostly nonfunctional JSON one), federation with the fediverse, and I actually get to verify it on my Mastodon profile.

  • untilted.lol income is reliant on subscription memberships and donations, but apparently the project isn't popular enough to warrant anyone actually supporting it. The good news is, I actually may have some ideas for an art commission that don't make me feel like I'm just wasting my time and that is bearable to do. You'll be hearing more details in the not too distant future, maybe this week.

  • I am constantly thinking of better ways to make the subscription membership option more attractive. Again, you'll hear about some new features at some point, but not too late.

  • I am constantly improving my website.

  • I am constantly looking for better marketing ideas that don't cost too much. The reason I used to briefly rely on Pinterest advertising is because it felt to be a more preferable option than the horrors of networking, which I still hate because I'm an insular person by nature.

That's all.

 
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from I'm a writer

No college experience, at least not in the sense of literary writing. I still feel deep inside that I'm worthy of the title of writer. Don't let the lack of published works fool you, I write every day. Consider the amount of other things necessary for daily life, myself being just as busy as any artist, and it should impress you. A lot of time and effort goes into making jewelry and practicing ballet, a writer isn't relegated to the wooden chair before a typewriter.

But, maybe they should be. Perhaps I am wrong and they still are. My opinions on the entire thing are worth about as much as my wife says they are, which to me is worth everything. To anyone who believes in me, they might care a bit. To anyone else, they don't matter.

In the end, it only really matters how we feel, silently of course, as it pertains to the growth of our skills and passions and quality of work. Regardless, this story is my life's purpose and I will write it for eyes, even if it is only my own, and this will not detract from the quality. If anything, it will make it better. My goal has and always will be, the same: hold their story in my hands. The ability to do so has been kept from me only by finances; but not indefinitely.

 
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from untilted dot lol blog (dotart.blog's version)

I still remember holding a pencil in my hand during class, not just to work on assignments or group projects, but also to secretly scribble pictures of characters with huge eyes and exaggerated proportions. Back then, it didn't matter if the arms were too long or if the perspective was all off. The rules of art didn’t really apply too much. Doodling cartoons felt like freedom. Cartoons were, and still are, about exaggeration without apologies, creating worlds where a character could suddenly turn into a rocket mid-sentence without anyone questioning the physics.

However, as much as I still prefer drawing cartoons to drawing anything realistic, I can't help but notice that my interest in cartoons is slowly waning. It's not because I've completely outgrown them or because I buy into the old idea that serious art has to be hyperrealistic. Simply put, I just do not have the same enthusiasm or interest in cartoons I used to have as a child. Like, all the exaggerations in cartoons that I used to tolerate as a child now just grates me. But it can also annoy me just as much as the over-the-top dramatic antics in melodramas, so it's not a “I'm putting away childish things” sort of thing. Even Japanese anime irks me now (although I still like Studio Ghibli movies).

I'm genuinely annoyed at what passes for popular in the cartoon sphere these days, both animated and printed. Every piece has to squeeze in something that shocks a couple of people because shock value is cool nowadays. It's as if subtle storytelling is out of style, and every drawing has to give a wink to the audience: “Look how grown-up we are! Check out my character saying and doing naughty no-no stuff!” If that's what you want to intend your art for, fine. I'm not against anyone's creative choices. But it's so insane that everything popular has to be adultified just to discourage kids from looking at it. These days, even preschool shows manage to sneak in celebrity cameos that seem more fitting for late-night comedy spots, with inside jokes that go over kids' heads but get a thumbs-up from adults who want to feel “in the know”. It's not clever; it just feels like pandering. Like nothing can't be for just all ages anymore because adults are obsessed with wanting to remind everyone that the world is dark and mean and cruel. However, I'm more concerned about the more moderately explicit ones than the mild ones seen in anything lower than at least TV-PG. The ones that raise important social issues are not really my problem, and I am not one of those people to obsess over tone than the actual point being made. But the more gratuitous ones that just exist for shock value are, at least to some extent.

It actually makes me not want to look at any cartoon art anymore, including anime. Like, sometimes I can't. Then there's the other extreme, the shows that try so hard to be “wholesome” that they end up feeling cold and sterile. Like happiness has to be pure and simple, stripped of any real complexity. I mean, come on, I believe that cartoons can and should be more than wholesome, but I dont want everything to be inappropriately adultified literally everywhere either. A story can explore grief without getting lost in it, or show hope without making it too gritty or real.

Frankly, having to keep up with trends in cartoons just to meet the public eye halfway does not appeal to me if no trend does. That's why I end up following no trends at all, especially with my art.

That's probably just my ingrained and possibly outdated and irrational cultural beliefs talking, though, so I probably won't be as taken seriously.

 
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from Magicka Ovriana

The Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram or LBRP for short can be said to be the basic banishing ritual in all of Ceremonial Magick and other methods of working magick influenced by CM. Not only that, it can be said to be the basic ritual there is. In this occasion, “basic” refers to “what forms the base, the foundation”. This ritual is performed regularly by a large number of magick workers of a wide variety of flavours world wide and irregularly by an even larger number of them.[1]

As it is such a basic and widely used ritual, there has been by time created a “LBRP-egregore”. You could say that when you are performing the LBRP, you are not only doing it for the effects of the ritual, but also tapping into the current created by all the previous workings of LBRP and those being worked now.

The ritual is basic, but not simple – it is much more than “just a (temple) purifying rite you do before the actual workings”.[2]

LBRP is, as the name implies (the) lesser (banishing) pentagram ritual. There is also the Greater Ritual of the Pentagram, which uses banishing / invoking and active / passive forms of the pentagrams of all the elements. However, in this lesser ritual, the Pentagram of the Earth only is used.[3]

Now, why do you use only the Pentagram of Earth? To understand this, one needs to look a bit deeper into the ritual.

Visualisation instructions for the first part of LBRP, the Kabalistic Cross, tell the Magician to imagine hirself growing ever taller to the point where the entire universe seems tiny. However, the feet remain firmly on the ground. This is a clue: earth is where you operate, the sphere the ritual is acting upon. Besides, you are using the pentagram as the symbol drawn and the pentagram represents the material, earthly world.

So, this is an earth(l)y ritual. Maybe this is why there's only the Earth Pentagram used. Well, it's not that simple. Thinking about this a bit further, questions arise. If merely operating on the earth, feet firmly on the ground, makes the ritual need only one kind of Pentagram, shouldn't there be pentagram rituals for the other three elements – and spirit – and using the other pentagrams not only available, but regularly used? Furthermore (and this is said with a wink), if standing with feet firmly on the ground is the reason to use only the Earth Pentagram – who exactly would one do rituals for the other elements? Should one be standing on, say, fire? Even done as just a visualisation, things might get a tad difficult.[4]

It seems to be the time to find the next clue. The first clue pointed towards earth. No, actually the first clue was found even before that – it's in the name of the ritual: “lesser”.

The second, err... third clue can be found from the spoken texts of the ritual. With the exception of part three, the Evocation of the Archangels, it's Hebrew. This suggests taking a look at Kabbalah[5]. Granted, merely the fact that this is a ritual of Ceremonial / High / Ritual Magick, should make one think about looking there... You pretty much can't avoid having to learn at least the basic ideas of Kabbalah sooner or later, if you are interested in CM.

The fourth and quite important clue has been present all along: the symbology of the Pentagram. Especially the Pentagram as the symbol of the microcosm, not only as the symbol that contains five elements and connects them all when it's drawn. Taking those four clues (rearranged a bit): Kabbalah leads to taking a look at the Tree of Life. “Lesser” points the look downwards on the Tree. Earth focuses the search to the representation of the material world. Finally, the Pentagram tells it straight (if the former ones didn't already) with the information of the symbol representing the microcosm – the earthly Kingdom of Malkuth. Now there's a familiar term, it's said in the ritual even! For a reason, too.

The following is simplification, so bear with me. Studying each element, gesture, name, word and symbol further is more than adviced!

On the Tree of Life, LBRP acts on the low(est) point, the 10th Sephira called Malkuth. The name means “Kingdom” and it is the sphere of Earth and material existence. Both the element and planet attributed to Malkuth is Earth. Logically, it's direction is north.

Malkuth is traditionally pictured as being divided into four quarters, the four elements Earth, Air, Fire and Water. It is also the plain of elementals and (unlike with any other Sephira) the spirits of the four elements are divided into four categories, including archangels familiar from the rite being discussed.

However, even with the other elements present, one could semi-jokingly say that there is enough attributes to earth/earthy/material to last for all four directions.

Little more seriously speaking, Malkuth is the sphere where what “exists only as ideas” become real, material, have substance. It's immersed with matter. It is “earth/material heavy” and it makes sense that the mage makes sure hir “can handle it” – that's where the mage lives. This Sephirah is also the only one that is attributed to earth. The other 9 Sephiroth are attributed to the three other, “older” elements; the roots of these elements to the Supernal Triad and two sets of three in the two lower ones. So, one could think of the Fire, Air and Water in Malkuth as being “Fire of Earth” (etc), which would make using just the Earth Pentagram even more logical.

Furthermore, even when one uses only the Earth Pentagram, the other elements “get into the rite anyway” with the symbology used and the symbolic stress on the material becomes clearer. Enough with the over-use of quotation marks!

In this ritual, you are – among other things – bringing down power from the upper planes (note the visualisation of light, touching head first and then pointing down touching the genital area) to the plane of (your) operation, physical plane (where it also gets grounded). You are also creating an area of protection around yourself – around you flame the four pentagrams, above and under you are hexagrams.

Checking what different occult fraternities and writers say about the LBRP's relation with it gives more insight. They also give a bit of mixed messages.

For example, Aleister Crowley places the ritualist standing on the “intersection of the paths of Samekh and P�. You are facing Tiphareth (the Sun), thus on your right hand is Netzach (Venus), on your left hand Hod (Mercury), and behind you Yesod (the Moon).”[6] Thinking about the archangels of the Sephiroth mentioned this would fit, especially when one checks closer the Archangel Haniel that's usually placed in Netzach instead of Uriel (Auriel) that gets called in the ritual. According to a Kabbalah FAQ, “Around the 12th to 15th centuries C.E. the name of Haniel came to replace the name Uriel” . Furthermore, the attribution of the Archangels isn't set in stone or otherwise remain the same throught the ages or interpretations.

According to Golden Dawn, you have your back to the Tree (the microcosmic Tree – you become the Tree), with Geburah to your left and Gedulah (Chesed) to your right. You are “standing” on Malkuth, though.

If you go by Crowley's placement, the earth-heavyness can still be explained: you're working on the Assiah, the lowest of the four Kabbalistic worlds – the material world.

Notes

[1] In addition to this, there are many LBRP variants out there, written mainly by and for the use for people who find it uncomfortable to use the kabalistic – interpreted by many as blatantly Christian – names and symbology of the original. In my personal opinion, if the names called in LBRP do not feel at all fitting, one might want to try the Star Ruby before going for any of the LBRP variants. Why? Consider the egregores.

[2] Or, to quote Aleister Crowley: “Those who regard this ritual as a mere device to invoke or banish spirits, are unworthy to possess it. Properly understood, it is the Medicine of Metals and the Stone of the Wise.” (from notes of “The Palace of the World”)

[3] In some traditions, those who advance to higher levels of initiations / levels are given a version using four Pentagrams: those of Fire, Water, Air and Earth. Furthermore, in some traditions this ritual is done with only the Earth Pentagram, because at an early stage, the novice has not been taught the other ones... However, LBRP in the “only Earth Pentagram” form is not for the use of nor used by beginners only!

[4] Here, I'm going on the silly side. You can use any of the five pentagrams in a pentagram ritual. In this occasion, the original question referred to the “standard LBRP”, so I'm working from that on. Sometimes getting silly, as it seems.

[5] Kabalah, Kabbalah, Qabalah, or which ever way you happen to spell it...

[6] Aleister Crowley: Magick (“Blue Brick” -edition), p. 691

(Sources, in addition to the mentioned, were several, heh.)

#Magick #Thelema

 
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from RMiddleton

Baby, I feel not good enough. I can say that I know with near certainty that my current inability to perform is due to chronic back pain. I can talk about potential causes & solutions [1] but I can also say there's always been something [2] preventing me from performing. I can say that it's ultimately how I am. If I want to I can say, “Baby, I feel not good enough.”

What I have always worked towards is emotional healing. My visual art and my online posts and the books I dream of writing. My current practice is streaming to organize my thoughts. I started this by saying, “Baby, I feel not good enough,” because I have been streaming a lot without feeling able to say what I want to say. I am creating for emotional healing, yet not even feeling well enough to get better. Today what I had on my mind to stream about was what I've written above and in notes 1 & 2, below. Then something happened.

Last night:

Today:

I'm still terribly sad about the meat fail, but I might be happy with the stream about the meat fail: I process emotions; I use an immediate and vivid personal experience as a possible means of examining the human universal (YMMV of course); art helps (Sarfraz Manzoor's story published in The Moth anthology A Point Of Beauty); and it all happens in “just” one hour.

  • Within the first minute I've acknowledged my difficulty keeping streams focused on topic & I've divulged the meat disaster
  • First 20 minutes are me unpleasantly describing my unpleasant feelings about unpleasant difficulties. I'm snarfing my nose & throat. I'm frustrated about the state of my home. I'm despondent over the meat (still am & spoiler: I ate some). I describe how my frustration management negatively impacts concentration & relationships.
  • Story Time! If there weren't such things as money & YouTube & advertising & intellectual property then I would proudly link more info on the story and its author. As it is you'll have to look it up yourself if you're interested. I want my content to always reflect the culture that gets me through life — humanities / humanism / human existence. I hate advertising & I consider myself a nonprofit. (I do seek patron support.) I only use commercial sites for the free space. I dream of hosting all my content ad free myself some day.
  • aside: What is love? · The story raises questions about the nature of love. I break to reflect on my experiences and understanding of love as a child and today.
  • back to story
  • loud noise distracts my attention from the story, after which i feel sad about the meat again. A benefit of my “public life with no pretense” is the recording of ordinary human existence. My theory of being centers attention. Recording daily events like this offers evidence of how the mind (my mind at least) functions. It's clear that I am enjoying myself as I read the story. An unexpected noise disrupts my attention, causing natural alertness. Immediately my concentration returns to the sadness I feel over the lost food.

Behaviors often labeled ADHD are normal mental functioning, in my theory of mind. [3] It's beneficial to rotate focus frequently to maintain awareness over multiple things. The noise jolts me from my enjoyment, likely causing adrenaline to turn my focus to threats. As there is none from outside, I turn inward and remember my sad experience of the day, possibly spoiled groceries. At this point I can choose to return to my pleasant activity, but I decide to gather more information on the potential threat. Deciding what to do about potentially unsafe meats is a threat. If I choose one course of action I may threaten my health; another course inflicts damage to mood, ego, and the very limited time, energy, & money available to me these days to perform basic functions. All my decisions take these facts into account.

At 42:55, returning from the field trip to gather data on meat storage temperatures, having learned disappointing results, I take my shirt off to ease physical discomfort. I am not making this point a link because I am not operating a partial-nudity only fans (yet). My views on distraction extend to physical comfort — innumerable physical and mental sensations being processed by the mind at all times. I couldn't ease my mind about the meat safety. Instead I took my shirt off. (All of this makes complete sense to me.)

[1] I can talk about my attempts to manage the pain {doctors' visits, medications, physical therapy, yoga, walking} and I can talk about offers from loved ones to pay for new treatments. I can talk about difficulties with US medical culture. I can talk about my life history that impacts my attitudes and motivation towards diet, exercise, stretching, medicine, and money. ↩️
[2] Starting at birth: No dad, angry & depressed Mom; I'm alienated and weird, gay but not knowing it, just feeling different, longing for a place where I could find “people like me” ... I pour my intention on getting to a good college where I'll be able to feel good; I go to Princeton; I feel good briefly then all crashes down. I'm still alienated & different, still gay but not wanting to be, not wanting to see that, still having trouble making friends, still feeling like others do not share my values. At this point I really begin to understand that I care about underdogs and that means equal worth, rights, and opportunity for all – and that most people do not seem to care about those values or are hostile. I pour my emotions into art & therapy. On some level I still want to try to fit in because I feel that is required in order to survive. I'm tired of typing this. ... Basically then comes inheriting money & distractions that came with that; and then a serious boyfriend who becomes family who I thought was a life partner. International economic collapse and my partner being a liar and cheater become the next causes for my inability to perform. I get bad jobs and then I can't perform because my energy and time is being drained into barely subsistence work that makes the world a worse place. While being taken advantage of by a series of rich people, then Covid hits. I change my attitude. I say I'm going to devote all my time and energy to creating, no matter what. Quickly run out of money. I don't do health care because I can't afford it. Now I have bad teeth, bad back, and more. The back pain is the current reason I don't achieve my goals. But it's easy to see that there is probably some NEW excuse just waiting around the corner, right? That's what my lying, cheating partner would have said, did say. My current lover is lovely and loving so that at least is a step up. I didn't want to write this, so that's why I stuck it down here. I'm going to lower the font size. Some reason I had to get all this out BEFORE saying what I wanted to above, because these thoughts are often with me. The idea that I don't have conditions impeding me; but that my problem is that I am me. Phew. Having said all that I am going to go back to the top and partly annotate my most recent video stream. ↩️
[3] I have a lot of theories, evidently. I mean, yes it's true & also I'm writing more, more quickly, and fretting over editing less. It's good. ↩️

 
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from Magicka Ovriana

This nightmare banishing dream pillow was pretty much built “on the run” while chatting with a friend of mine who had been suffering from terrible nightmares for a few nights, leading up to her waking up screaming and feeling like she couldn't breath. After listening her needs, this is what I wrote for her:

Materials

  • Black cloth. (Here, black is used to denote strength, protection, calmness, darkness). Natural fibres are best, not only because the pillow will be rather close to your head. Cotton is a good choice.
  • Sewing equipment, either plain old thread and needle or machine
  • Embroidery threads or fabric pain
    • Herbs

Starting Out

The dream pillow has “two layers”. The inner one will be the pillow itself, with the herbs. The outer one is the “pillow case” for this inner pillow.

To begin with, you'll need to choose symbols that will be embroidered or painted on the outer pillow, the pillow case, as well as colours for the symbols. The symbols should denote Strength and Protection, the symbols used and their colours should arise from your own personal symbology and correspondences – they should speak to you. You can add other symbols according to your own needs and insights.

The pillow's final size should be 11” x 11cm. This strange mixture of measurement units is because the idea is to use the number 11. Here, 11 denotes both the pentagram and the hexagram, it's the number of the Goddess and also refers to one's Great Work. The purpose is to banish disturbing nightmares and these nightmares can indeed interfere with one's Great Work, especially when they're making you too tired to Live.

Cut four pieces of the fabric, large enough for you to be able to get that 11” x 11cm pillow from. Put two of the pieces aside for a while and start working with the other two – the pillow case.

Embroider or paint the symbols you chose with your chosen colours on both of the pieces (right side of the fabric). If you painted the symbols, let the paint dry out completely before starting to sew and if you're using fabric paints, iron the paint as per instructions. Then, sew the pieces together with the right sides in. Leave the other 'short end' unsewed. This is where you will slip the the inner pillow inside the pillowcase. Turn the allowances on this short end in and sew in place. You can attach ribbons to the sides of the opening in order to tie it and keep the inner pillow in place. You can also sew the opening close when the pillow is ready, but ribbons make it much easier to change the inner pillow if needed.

The next step is sewing the inner pillow. Make it a little bit smaller than the pillow case. Sew the sides, right sides of the fabric in, leaving a couple of inches on one side for turning the pillow seams in and then stuffing it. Turn the seams in.

The Herbs

For this nightmare banishing pillow, I chose the following herbs for choosing from: Lavendar, mugwort, hyacinth flowers, anise, cedar, rosemary, valerian, hops, marjoram, dittany of Greece, garlic, thyme ... Do take your allergies into consideration and don't use anything that might trigger your allergies!

Use approximately 50% lavender, with a dash of rosemary and anise. With others, make a nice and even blend. Remember, you should be able to sleep on that pillow! Mix the herbs gently, without using iron / metal bowls or servers.

It is better not to use: Sage, as it may cause haunting feelings in your dream. Tansy, as it can cause nightmares. Other species of Artemisia than the above-mentioned mugwort, or laurel, as they can cause dreams with fears. You might want to remove these from your sleeping quarters as well. Use the herbs as herbs, not as oils. While some instructions do mention oils in dream pillows, oils can have too strong a scent and they may stain.

Fill the inner pillow. It is supposed to be rather flat, not round. Sew the hole you left for filling and put the inner pillow inside the pillowcase you made earlier. Tie the ribbons or sew the pillowcase shut.

Other Notes

While preparing the pillow, concentrate your thoughts on what the pillow is meant to do. That is, the whole preparing process is good old fashioned Witchcraft and the pillow itself a kind of spell wrapped in cloth :–)

Then to Banish the Nightmares

You're not supposed to just lay your head to sleep after making the pillow. You should be preparing yourself for the forthcoming night, sleeping and dreaming. Before falling asleep, perform a banishing ritual of the type you are most familiar with. The purpose of this is to sleep inside a 'circle', within cleansed space.

If you can, perform the ritual in your mind instead of going around or on your bed. That is, your mind is doing all the necessary work, while your body is resting on the bed.

Include the whole of your bed and a little bit of its surroundings to the area you are cleansing. If your bed is next to a wall, pull it out a little bit so that there's some space between the wall and the bed. Otherwise you might be taking a little bit of your next door neighbour's apartment inside your circle.

After the banishing, relax your whole body and – sweet dreams!

#magick #spell #pagan

 
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from untilted dot lol blog (dotart.blog's version)

Over an extended period of introspection, I have come to recognize that my aptitude for producing large-scale artworks is, in reality, far more limited than I had long presumed. While I am able to navigate the demands of a canvas comparable in scale to my sketchbook, works exceeding those dimensions present an overwhelming challenge and consume a disproportionate amount of time and cognitive resources. This difficulty is compounded by the limitations of my current living situation in a densely packed apartment building with inadequate insulation, requiring additional protective measures for my physical artwork that go well beyond the initially straightforward act of encasing them in plastic. Therefore, my artwork MUST not exceed 8.5 by 11 inches. Furthermore, I'm diverse but also quite limited to what I can work with, ranging from high-quality acrylic paints to more elementary mediums such as Crayola crayons, all of which necessitate the application of Mod Podge spray for preservation.

Given these factors, I have opted to concentrate my traditional artistic practice on miniature works. This not only aligns better with my environmental and material constraints but also because I find it easier to do than having 5 larger pieces and leaving them unfinished, often due to uncertainty about their direction or the need for specific materials that I can't afford or are hard to find. My prior explorations in various techniques and genres, including printmaking, T-shirt design, and thematic series centered on cakes, failed to yield artistic or personal satisfaction. The processes inherent to these undertakings proved either excessively complex or revealed my own limitations with conceptual and serialized art-making. In contrast, the execution of miniature pieces provides a directness and manageability absent from more elaborate forms. It's also why I like cartooning and abstract art (to some degree) more.

Everything in art is too unnecessarily complex for me, a realization that at one point catalyzed a hiatus spanning two years from any serious engagement with art. The pursuit of a professional trajectory in art, with its attendant pressures and systemic frustrations, has not abated even as I attempt to chart an independent path outside conventional academic frameworks – eschewing both formal fine arts degrees and so-called “online self-directed learning” curricula that requires payment. In retrospect, I derive greater fulfillment from exploration that is entirely self-directed by me, than from passive reception of knowledge in classroom settings. Frankly, I don't feel good being taught by someone else anymore. I just don't. I understand its importance, but I don't feel good about education anymore. I would rather educate myself whenever I feel it's necessary to.

Honestly, it's more about people than it is about education. Teachers and professors don't know how to handle anyone with empathy and understanding anymore. My encounters with teachers and professors have revealed a pervasive deficit in empathy and understanding, with many resorting to condescension toward those they deem obstinate, and at times, characterizing their own students as deliberately obtuse or illiterate. Such attitudes have eroded my inclination to reengage with formal education, undermining not only my motivation to improve, but also my trust in the capacity of educators to support diverse learners. With rare exception, my teachers have failed to demonstrate the patience and flexibility necessary to nurture students facing unique challenges, reinforcing my conclusion that the problem is institutional and systemic.

Consequently, I have resolved to assume full autonomy over my artistic development, determining for myself the parameters of my progress and the criteria by which it is measured. While I remain receptive to criticism in principle, I am acutely sensitive to prescriptive feedback, regardless of its rationale – a trait present since childhood, and not indicative of rebellion but rather heightened emotional receptivity to anything that could be interpreted as controlling. My objective, henceforth, is to dedicate my creative efforts to smaller-scale works, prioritizing professionalism over spectacle, and ensuring that my art remains a source of personal accomplishment rather than external validation.

 
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from RMiddleton

I can’t function one of the reasons i want to move, the reason i want to move is that I can’t function as things are. but i have to function in order to move. no one is available to help at the level that I really need. i came home motivated to move with the idea of doing the minimum things to get out: specifically putting aside the things I want to keep. even this attitude {minimum gathering of things i want} seems to be more than i can accomplish. there’s so much stuff and i am alone. others have their own motivations. no one is available to help me transition to new phase of life. not the practical stuff i have to do. i feel that i have to accept doing a poor job just to focus on escape from current situation. i have to accept that things won’t go to the friends & family that I would like. i have to accept that i will not enter my next phase with most of the things i will want. i feel that i have to accept losing most paintings.


Previously: January 7 I'm not doing well enough to get better

 
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