My Limitations in Art
Over an extended period of introspection, I have come to recognize that my aptitude for producing large-scale artworks is, in reality, far more limited than I had long presumed. While I am able to navigate the demands of a canvas comparable in scale to my sketchbook, works exceeding those dimensions present an overwhelming challenge and consume a disproportionate amount of time and cognitive resources. This difficulty is compounded by the limitations of my current living situation in a densely packed apartment building with inadequate insulation, requiring additional protective measures for my physical artwork that go well beyond the initially straightforward act of encasing them in plastic. Therefore, my artwork MUST not exceed 8.5 by 11 inches. Furthermore, I'm diverse but also quite limited to what I can work with, ranging from high-quality acrylic paints to more elementary mediums such as Crayola crayons, all of which necessitate the application of Mod Podge spray for preservation.
Given these factors, I have opted to concentrate my traditional artistic practice on miniature works. This not only aligns better with my environmental and material constraints but also because I find it easier to do than having 5 larger pieces and leaving them unfinished, often due to uncertainty about their direction or the need for specific materials that I can't afford or are hard to find. My prior explorations in various techniques and genres, including printmaking, T-shirt design, and thematic series centered on cakes, failed to yield artistic or personal satisfaction. The processes inherent to these undertakings proved either excessively complex or revealed my own limitations with conceptual and serialized art-making. In contrast, the execution of miniature pieces provides a directness and manageability absent from more elaborate forms. It's also why I like cartooning and abstract art (to some degree) more.
Everything in art is too unnecessarily complex for me, a realization that at one point catalyzed a hiatus spanning two years from any serious engagement with art. The pursuit of a professional trajectory in art, with its attendant pressures and systemic frustrations, has not abated even as I attempt to chart an independent path outside conventional academic frameworks – eschewing both formal fine arts degrees and so-called “online self-directed learning” curricula that requires payment. In retrospect, I derive greater fulfillment from exploration that is entirely self-directed by me, than from passive reception of knowledge in classroom settings. Frankly, I don't feel good being taught by someone else anymore. I just don't. I understand its importance, but I don't feel good about education anymore. I would rather educate myself whenever I feel it's necessary to.
Honestly, it's more about people than it is about education. Teachers and professors don't know how to handle anyone with empathy and understanding anymore. My encounters with teachers and professors have revealed a pervasive deficit in empathy and understanding, with many resorting to condescension toward those they deem obstinate, and at times, characterizing their own students as deliberately obtuse or illiterate. Such attitudes have eroded my inclination to reengage with formal education, undermining not only my motivation to improve, but also my trust in the capacity of educators to support diverse learners. With rare exception, my teachers have failed to demonstrate the patience and flexibility necessary to nurture students facing unique challenges, reinforcing my conclusion that the problem is institutional and systemic.
Consequently, I have resolved to assume full autonomy over my artistic development, determining for myself the parameters of my progress and the criteria by which it is measured. While I remain receptive to criticism in principle, I am acutely sensitive to prescriptive feedback, regardless of its rationale – a trait present since childhood, and not indicative of rebellion but rather heightened emotional receptivity to anything that could be interpreted as controlling. My objective, henceforth, is to dedicate my creative efforts to smaller-scale works, prioritizing professionalism over spectacle, and ensuring that my art remains a source of personal accomplishment rather than external validation.
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