[monotone]

Face the Void See it stare back relax honey, it will only hurt a little

Face the Void See what stares back it will only hurt

Face the Void Face or fall

Is it… Your indifference? Your mis-placed pride? Illusion of silence curing all? Hoping avoidance would keep out the fall? this road ain’t to heaven

Is it… Pure selfishness? The want to keep cool? Your shattering shell equation of feeling and fool?

(Face the Void Face or fall Face the Void Turn back or grow tall)

Break the circle Face the Void Face and grow tall Face the Void Break the circle Face the Void Face or Fall

#lyrics #poetry #DarkAmbient

Background info

I think this is the oldest surviving draft of a piece that got through a few rewrites before getting played and released. Lines in italic marks a different voice entering the scene in a saccharine but sarcastic tone, while the main voice is more monotone. The second last part now in parentheses was crossed over as redundant.

”Relax honey, it will only hurt a little” and ”it will only hurt” later formed a major part of a Vipera Aurea track Scarlet Calls.

The same piece of paper this version was written on included scetchy notes for sentences of ideas to be condensed into lyrics, like ”the hope that closing your eyes will make the troubles/it all go away?”, ”thinking unattended does not exist?” and, for some reason, CLOCKBITE in all capital and large letters. That word has nothing to do with any facing of Void, I had simply needed a corner to scibble that word down.

Thematically, this is lyrics for ritual music – or rather, words to be recited over music in what was to be a gig playing out a story about a ritual working. And, a ritual in itself.

Let’s insert a hastag or two here: #ritual #magick

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House-broken, tamed, domesticated Securely on a leash Cut open, framed and fabricated Never truly seen

Soft-spoken, chaste, sophisticated Every mother's dream Wild-minded, dark and stony hearted All she's ever been

Never always ever Just think what you will

Better worse or better See her at your whim

Doesn't matter doesn't matter she doesn't feel a thing

doesn't feel a thing doesn't feel a thing

#poetry #lyrics #DarkAmbient

Background info

This was an early draft for something that didn’t make it to the album I was working on at the time, Mosaick the Serpent.

Parts of these lyrics ended up on a later album Id|entities’s track Absent.

This is a good example of how I tend to view my works, be they written, sounds or visual arts: everything can be picked apart and recycled into something new until I’ve put it officially out for people (music, texts), or somebody buys it off me (visual arts). Sometimes that doesn’t slow me down either.

While this draft didn’t work as is, it contained ideas that gave birth to something new.

”She doesn’t feel a thing” was the starting point for this and reflects how I felt people around me saw me at the time of writing. This was in the summer/autumn of 2003 when everybody I cared about seemed to be drifting away and/or meeting better people to be with. Another personal line was ”see her at your whim” – who cares about my needs when there’s more interesting people and things around. Ignored until needed felt like the theme of the times. Being neurospicy but not aware of it at the time I was pretty lost in trying to make sense of it all.

The rest grew out of those basic thoughts and was more imagined and way less personal. I am cabable of imagining things, as well, after all.

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Hide your virgins I’m coming! And the air streams with the ejaculation of trees.

Hide your virgins I’m coming! There’ll be hoards of sons and daughters of god.

#poetry #lyrics #DarkAmbient

Background info

Silly little song about… allergies. And the Great God Pan.

Somebody on an IRC chat was compaining how all the tree semen was making their life miserable and I went ”hmmmm!”. The rest isn’t exactly history, but I had fun. Hopefully those exposed to General PanIck found it funny as well.

This track is related to Summoned I Summon, where some other deity is definitely… coming.

In a song format, ”Hide your virgins I’m coming” was repeated quite a few times in different tones and modes of urgensies. The other two lines were pretty much uttered just once.

I sometimes played this live and finally released on version on Ten..

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Never knew it 'till I touched you Never knew it afterwards.

You keep having me I keep taking you

I'll tell you wide-eyed lies All about our love

Never trust my smiling eyes What was not can't be gone

#poetry #lyrics #DarkAmbient

Background info

Like Differentiaton Irrevocable it was written in 2003 in a bit of tumultous times for me and contains several layers of time and at least two people the ”I” talks about in just eight lines.

The wide-eyed lies mentioned are about love felt but not dared to speak about and about love spoken of, but felt so much less than before.

The idea of ” What was not can't be gone” found its way to another track of mine, Equation Impossible later on.

Lines about Wide-eyed lies and Never trusting smiling eyes got used in another piece, but I don’t think the music got ever made in the new context.

This is a piece of lyrics that have not, this far, found a track to call their own. At the time I had other, more worked on lyrics to compose music to first. Later, my life had turned for the better and this had been pretty much forgotten by then.

(clarity edit...)

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I am my own deamon

Your peril Your breath

Their heaven Their death

Your peril Their death

Your heaven Their breath

Their peril Your breath

Your heaven Their depth

Conquered & crowned Poisoned & proud Dawning & drowned Fawning & found Blinded & bound Sightless & sound

EP Liner notes

Exercising the inner demons may be better than exorcising them. I’m freely admitting not being the originator of that thought, but would add a reminder on the importance of exercising the inner daemon as well.

“I am my own daemon, I am my own demon.”

Such self-sufficient words! One’d think she’d sound more self-assured, though… The own daemon/demon speaks back.

“Your peril, your breath, Their heaven, their death, Your heaven, their breath…

Conquered & crowned, Poisoned & proud, Dawning & drowned, Fawning & found, Beaten & bound, Sightless & sound…”

Text and core of the sound were born in late autumn 2003.

#poetry #lyrics #DarkAmbient

Background info

Unlike many pieces I wrote in autumn of 2003, this is about working magick.

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“I am the fucked-up breath of anti-life, The bastard child of Nix & Nada, The killing tide of myths undone, One with Nothing Nothing in One. I am the speed of Dark.

(– Where do you go little girl? What’s the sound of Abyss entering Void?)”

#lyrics #poetry #DarkAmbient

Background Info

Not a draft or unused piece, but definitely an old one. If I recall correctly, this dates back to before I dove head first into making sounds and was first posted on a Pagan IRC channel. Somebody floated a question about speed of dark, I got thinking about the consept and this was the result.

I don’t recall what the original title was, Statement of Inexistance was picked while I was fine-tuning track titles for Mosaick the Serpent EP.

Mosaick the Serpent can be found in Bandcamp to listen and to get your own.

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“the noose is waiting it is your friend your one, last, only

let it all hang end the game, the shame, the blame

let it all hang

come, meet the noose you should, you know, you should end it the noose is the end you want it, you should

look at yourself you fool! unloved, unwanted, shamed

solution – the noose

let it all hang! you should!

end it you want it you should

who would care?

all forget you as they should you are forgotten before you even end it

let it all hang come, come to noose it is your friend”

#poetry #lyrics #DarkAmbient

Background Info

These lyrics were written in 2003 while I was really not feeling well. My then FWB had unilaterally decided to switch to ditching the ”WB” after meeting somebody new, but did not tell me about it until they got suffiently drunk and I asked why the sudden cold shoulder in the tenderness department. Until that revelation I was left feeling I must be utterly revolting. With the body issues and resulting insecurities that have been my life long companion things were bad. After? Not that much better. While I learned it wasn't that I had suddenly become undesirable, to my mind I was simply so much less desirable than somebody else – perhaps even anybody else.

To make things worse, my long time SO had started to drift away to the world and values of their father-figure-like boss and that relationship was heading downhill.

In my 2006 released double EP Mosaick the Serpent / Vipera Aurea this track’s liner notes said:

”You know how some people say they hear voices in their head, coaxing, advising, ordering them to end their lives? Have you ever wondered, whether these voices are “merely” the result of mental instability of the person in question, or whether there is somebody else there stuck in the same body (and partly mind?), wanting to be let out? Interpretation of such coaxing voices, written by putting meselves through practice of thinking in different states of mind.”

In reality, this is what was going trough my head at the time. Writing these thoughts down and naming the voice as another was a way of banishing.

On the album, the track ends with whispered words: ”Be banished!” Better stay banished.

MtS/VA is available at https://someplaceelse.bandcamp.com/album/mosaick-the-serpent-vipera-aurea

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He's coming He's coming

the father of your father's your father's father's son

He's coming Like you my young one

the father of your father's your father's father's son

He's coming He's coming

The lust of your mother's what are you my young one?

#poetry #lyrics

Background Info

“Summoned I Summon” was a track I played live in the early 2000s and released on Vipera Aurea and then with a live version on Ten, which consisted of odd versions and live / live only tracks from the first ten years of me making music.

In a live setting the vocals were usually performed by Niko Skorpio as a quest vocalist, with me on the machinery controlling music, calling for the audience to wake up and proclaiming that he IS coming.

Ten is still available at: https://someplaceelse.bandcamp.com/album/ten

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I have spoken myself empty Carved out my insides to shape words.

I have talked myself hollow Kept together by a cover this layer of skin.

I have cried myself bare Exposed my everything and bled raw.

I have thought myself void Realized being lacking on all that counts.

I have became sorrow.

#poetry

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Afternoons like this I sit in the waiting room of my own life. Listening to on-hold music gazing at the empty hallways.

Behind my eyes worlds wander and the clouds gather, dissipate.

#Poetry #SmallPoems

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