RMiddleton

I stopped driving a few years ago. I walk everywhere at a slow pace and notice more than ever. My encounters with my fellow humans, both friends and strangers, have changed dramatically. Sometimes people yell at me from passing cars. I rarely make out what they've said or if I know the person. Sometimes friends see me and pull alongside to talk, loudly at me, with their engines rumbling. Some friends will park their cars and join me at my own pace for a bit but they're twitchy. They can't wait to get back into their vehicles to get somewhere fast.

Everything that I just said is not about cars at all. It is about affect, pace, attention, and thoughtfulness. I have changed my life since 2020 to a much slower pace. My contentment with life has increased while my comfort with others has nearly evaporated. Others might perceive me as depressed and stagnant. I perceive others as manic and addicted to distractions. Conversation is difficult. There's an accepted pace of talking that I now see as automatic, without thought. And it’s shocking what many people will say in this manner, forcing objectionable opinions into shared air. Rapid. Repeating. Offensive. “Do I say anything?” I usually think. “What is the point?” I keep silent and look forward to being alone.

I haven't given up driving but the metaphor is so apt. I feel like my thinking progresses at a walking pace while others zoom by. The majority of my time is spent in silence, thinking, reading, writing, creating. I no longer want to go fast. Taking time to think is a choice, and a radical one.

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OK I give this post a thumbs down. I'm sharing it because I'm trying to write something most days, but this sounds so preachy and self satisfied to me. I do feel these things but I need to work on it. I wrote this because I am afraid to talk to many people. The driving metaphor, well I do feel that others are moving fast and talking loudly and not paying attention. I do think it's very rare to get quality time. I like transportation metaphors. I do see offensive interactions with others as like being struck by a train or bus. And I do feel happiest when walking slowly in no particular hurry and with no set destination. I think speaking up for this way of being is important because the fast folk are in control and driving us off a cliff. I think. More later...