RMiddleton

00:07 Just woke up 😕 after less than 4 hours of sleep. that's my typical amount when in severe pain. 00:11 Rate pain 2 At this time I was planning to make this post the second in a series titled Rate Your Pain 2 or something based on this toot:

02:18 Argh ok so this is weird but I like to post publicly and hope no one sees it? 02:22 The issues I remember This was the aborted start to discussing the issues I remember throughout my life that have been the targets of US conservative ire. Liberals. The Government. Multiculturalism. New World Order. Political Correctness. Wokeness. All Sexual Liberation. Sharing. Voting. Science. Vaccines. Relativism. Religious Diversity. Diversity. Health Care. Etc. Tracking what conservatives are against is a pretty good guide to improving our world. this thought was inspired by a woman (nicole kidman?) in the movie saying that people now want the world to be connected or something. the world is smaller now. I thought of problems we face that require global solutions & how unprepared we are to make such moves because of political demonization 02:25 Thoughts on aqua man 2: Longest Guinness ad ever I live-tooted a bunch while watching Aquaman. 02:40 0.6 edible taken a bit ago is coming in: It's too much. Not good really. Try something different tomorrow. I think this is the Peaches & Cream? 02:59 We say that conservatives are dumb. I've said that! I'm here now to say that they're not. This won't be a defense of conservativism but I'm The beginning of a video (or blog post) idea that germinated from the realization that the supposed fears and foolishness that conservatives are ridiculed over are in some way true. They fear that liberalism would undo everything. And it would! Given time, open mindedness would transform our entire society. That furious fear of conservatives is justified. 03:21 Edibles update I am creative from this but it's not alleviating pain Editor brain compels me to say that I realize marijuana is not a pain reliever. I have experienced, particularly with edibles, a release of tension held in my body. A good metaphor for my chronic pain is feeling cold for an extended period of time without the ability to warm up. In such times I tense myself, guarding my body and mental focus against the cold. It is similar to being in shock. It takes up all the body's mental and physical focus. That's what my constant pain has been lately. --:-- I made an edit and the note updated its time stamp, losing the original time. Fetish Father figures Incest porn A way of working on ourselves self care that we KNOW isn't the real thing it's a substitute for working on issues Hottt: “(sigh) fine flex your muscles,” brother to brother in aqua man Yes, while watching Aquaman (2? 3?) I paid attention to brotherly bonding and had a new thought regarding fetishes. That they may be known by the enjoyers to be pushing boundaries, because that person (conscious or deep down) knows that they need to work on this issue. Role playing and fanfic and porn allows fantasy that transgresses boundaries. For a limited time and in a limited context. In other words, possibly a form of self-care, therapeutic. Not to be shamed. 03:37 Weed Gummy 04:08 When I criticize marketing which I do a lot it’s because imagine if these skills were used to help people. I should probably write what that should look like since people can only see it as mind control. How does one communicate widely and effectively while respecting consent? A while back I declared an ambition to be a Mister Rogers for grown-ups. 04:17 Is an accented character in a movie now bad? Is going to a foreign setting and enjoying other cultures bad? I think we don't know, the question is open. I think whenever it feels this way I usually resolve it by reasoning that I'm unable to make a good bad assessment because it's not a binary situation. 04:20 Weed Great thoughts bad bod 05:29 Stay alive! Whatever May occur I will find you I know this line from spoofing That's what I say to myself –> My job atm 05:33 Putting on scavenger's reign is often great mood company 05:44 Hold on Stay alive You'll be alive As long as you're alive I will try to find you Just make it each day More comes later Just make it each day 05:51 Very few major entities move their media to fediverse It doesn't operate in their familiar way. It takes longer to build connections here. Not much metrics. No pay to be seen. It's a foreign land for them so they're mostly not here. This is the test — or I could just disarm that statement and call it life, choices, what happens. Those of us building connections on the fediverse are setting the example they we hope others will follow. The dual core principle is autonomy and consent. As such we don't make others do what we want. These are the reasons I'm here. I'm enjoying myself as it is and hoping the example we set here attracts others away from harmful thought control. That's commercial media. 06:12 Faircamp Webring Sometimes the old ways are the best! This is a webring for independent music artists and labels who use Faircamp to showcase their original work. https://webring.key13.uk/ 06:54 URLs I have owned that I can remember: RMiddleton .com & www.RMiddleton.art injax sphoid humanisso.me probably others I bought for organizations that I didn't fully control but tried to make websites for 07:30 Based on my experience taking medication and attending therapy for years, and before that dropping out of the Princeton University psych department (name dropped to confer that it was a high dollar dropping out) I view a lot of psychology as more akin to art, politics, and economics than other sciences. ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. It's a lot. I reduce most all problems down to disorder. As in literally the order the brain processes stuff. Not sure whether we are internally binary but sometimes it feels like it and is a good model. Like computers, a capability of doing many more-than-binary things by a succession of binary decisions. This binary stuff is just a thought exercise. Thoughts and actions produce different results based on their order. Overloaded brains struggle with the executive function of keeping order. Thus disorder. At least in my experience. It's so dang tempting to talk about what “overloaded brains” do. Plural. I only know one brain intimately. Talking precisely about me alone is an important (or potential) facet of my grand(iose) project. 07:34 I've had some hesitation in the past to share the principles that guide my life. I believe that sharing my interior journey is helpful. For me and theoretical others. Yet I hem haw hesitate. With fear that I have no right to tell others how to live! Somehow unable to separate the telling of my story with an attack on others! 08:09 Babe I'm probably going to sleep again soon. I'm better but not that great. I feel like I'm learning how to move forward. Too complicated to say now. Tomorrow I'll use ice And try different thc. I'm keeping track of the effects of the different things. The gummy I have tried so far gives me creativity but no body relaxation. So it's good but not exactly what I need right now. I'm going to track all the things I'm using now in hopes of finding a combo that works. I'm probably going to sleep again soon I'm better but not that great. I feel like I'm learning how to move forward. Too complicated to say now but I think weed will definitely be a factor. What I took last night has me creatively stimulated but no physical pain reduction. There are definitely edibles I've taken that relax my body. I will try to find that for when I need it. I currently have a variety to compare. This one has been good for creative stimulation and I will make a note of that. (This is a note! It's the peaches and cream gummy from 2/29.) Tomorrow I'll try getting back into the routine of icing my back. Usually helps. Things had got so bad I was barely moving and barely thinking. Tomorrow I'll try different thc & make notes. I don't expect to feel a whole lot better from the epidural injections of yesterday. Slightly but not much. I am creating my own scale, because of course I am. Because the rate your pain 0-10 doesn't work well for my mind style. I'm recording how high in executive function I can get. I've been at like 0 & 1 levels for the entire year so far. I fear all that I've done since yesterday is only getting me to 1. I hope to get from 1 to 2. What do these numbers look like in behavior? Barely getting out of bed. Losing contact with others, including financial obligations and friendships I care about. Difficulty making meals. Nothing much more than that. 08:26 I saved a text I sent to friends in town just for the weekend Hey love I've been operating at 0 or 1 capacity all 2024. I love y'all and would love to be in your presence. I'm not sure what I'm able to do. (0 or 1, on a scale of 1-10. That's how they want me to rate my pain but it's a lot easier for me to rate the functioning that the pain prevents. That's what's been 0 and 1. I'm longing for a 2.) My scale is strict. The highest functioning I've ever experienced might only be 5 or 6. Then again, I think that—just like with the pain scale—it makes no sense to reserve 1 to 4 levels for the theoretical. For now I will set 10 as my best functioning capability. With that in mind, I have been at 0 and 1 all year.