Nobody said “Yes all men”
Until after you said “Not all men!”
We saw you throw up your hands in defence,
Dismiss all our claims because “Not all men!”
“Yes all men” is a reaction
To your reaction of disgust
To our reaction of rebellion
Against your action of oppression.
You say that “yes all men” is an overreaction
But what you don’t realise is that we are OVER your reaction,
Your actions, your inactions,
Your inability to distinguish between generalisation and overdramatisation
Is what fuels the cries of “yes all men”
I was part of the problem.
I remember one night, talking to my best friend
About this girl who I thought was leading me on,
Giving me attention and generally being polite.
I was fixated on her, so everything made me think she was into me
That I had a right to feel hurt when she said she wasn’t
Over and over again
That I had a right to be angry
That I had a right to say vile things about her
That I had a right
My best friend, a girl, like most of my friends,
She didn’t speak up that night,
She just smiled and nodded,
So I must have been right
I must have been right to feel these things
I must have been right to say the horrible things I said
I must have been right
It was my right.
The guys at school laughed and agreed
Told me “fuck that bitch”
“What a whore”
That only fuelled the rage more
I was right
It was my right
Can you imagine how the whole world shifted when I realised who I was?
Can you imagine going from being part of the problem,
To seeing the problem
Trying to fix the problem
To living the problem
The first time I went out while out,
The teenagers in their shitty car
Wearing their school uniforms
My uniform
The uniform of a place I loved and respected
They jeered, they whistled and told me they’d be back.
My bus took too long to come that day,
But they took even longer
Of course, nobody experiences catcalls like that
They never happen
Just ask the internet,
Plenty of guys will tell you so
They’ll tell you how women make this up
To feel better about themselves
To feel wanted
To make other women jealous
That they tell these lies to make men look like vultures,
Buzzards circling the walking meat that is all a woman is to them
That these things cannot happen
They never happen
It was my first day being viewed as a women,
The first strangers to see me that day made me fear for my life
The first interaction I had as a women
Left me crying, trying to figure out if I needed to go home
Or if I could hold on until I met my friends
But is it all men?
Of course not
It’s not all men, just the first ones I ran into that day
It’s not all men, just the first random stranger to come up to my friend when we went clubbing
Who followed her around for over an hour trying to get some
She made it clear she wasn’t keen,
He hung around for another half hour
Before finally getting angry and leaving
It’s not all men, just that one guy crossing the street later that night,
The one who stopped me and my girlfriend at the edge of the road
Who put his arm around my waist while staring at my girlfriend
It’s not all men, just the ones who whistle and toot as they drive past
While I'm walking in the dark, already fearing for my life
Being out as trans, as non-binary, is so draining
I always laugh and say “it’s the prep”
“The time it takes to get my hair right and my makeup passable”
“I have no practice and it takes twice as long as it should”
But it’s not
It’s the time it takes to plan the shortest possible route,
Through the most populated areas,
The most possible time spent on ONE bus,
Avoiding standing around near groups of people,
Avoiding anywhere where the young men are.
It’s having to work out the timing to be served by a woman,
So that the men won’t stare too long,
Find cracks in what they think is a facade but is just my inexperience
It’s trying not to let them see that I am not what they think,
While telling myself I am equal to you,
That I AM what they think I am
It’s trying not to be too clingy to my friends,
Trying not to hide in the crowd too much,
To ask for too much support
It’s trying to convince people that I’m not fishing for compliments,
I’m just genuinely scared and insecure
It’s knowing that a man can kill me,
And get away without doing anything
By saying “I panicked”
Because I am not a person,
I’m their worst nightmare
I am a freakshow
I am a walking contradiction
They felt entitled to me in some way
Because they thought I was a woman,
And upon deciding I wasn’t,
They “panicked”,
And I died
It may not be all men,
But it’s men that I’m afraid of.