“the noose is waiting
it is your friend
your one, last, only
let it all hang
end the game, the shame, the blame
let it all hang
come, meet the noose
you should, you know, you should
end it
the noose is the end
you want it, you should
look at yourself
you fool!
unloved, unwanted, shamed
solution – the noose
let it all hang!
you should!
end it
you want it
you should
who would care?
all forget you
as they should
you are forgotten
before you even end it
let it all hang
come, come to noose
it is your friend”
#poetry #lyrics #DarkAmbient
Background Info
These lyrics were written in 2003 while I was really not feeling well. My then FWB had unilaterally decided to switch to ditching the ”WB” after meeting somebody new, but did not tell me about it until they got suffiently drunk and I asked why the sudden cold shoulder in the tenderness department. Until that revelation I was left feeling I must be utterly revolting. With the body issues and resulting insecurities that have been my life long companion things were bad. After? Not that much better. While I learned it wasn't that I had suddenly become undesirable, to my mind I was simply so much less desirable than somebody else – perhaps even anybody else.
To make things worse, my long time SO had started to drift away to the world and values of their father-figure-like boss and that relationship was heading downhill.
In my 2006 released double EP Mosaick the Serpent / Vipera Aurea this track’s liner notes said:
”You know how some people say they hear voices in their head, coaxing, advising, ordering them to end their lives? Have you ever wondered, whether these voices are “merely” the result of mental instability of the person in question, or whether there is somebody else there stuck in the same body (and partly mind?), wanting to be let out? Interpretation of such coaxing voices, written by putting meselves through practice of thinking in different states of mind.”
In reality, this is what was going trough my head at the time. Writing these thoughts down and naming the voice as another was a way of banishing.
On the album, the track ends with whispered words: ”Be banished!” Better stay banished.
MtS/VA is available at
https://someplaceelse.bandcamp.com/album/mosaick-the-serpent-vipera-aurea
Fedizen of the mastodon.art at @ovro@mastodon.art, come say hi.