yawn/scream

Weird tedious little stories

It seems to Jen that her dad works all the time. He's out when she gets ready in the morning. She walks to school alone. She makes her own way home. At the end of the day, Jen puts herself to bed. But Father is always there to make dinner, though Father is not a good cook. Jen’s meals come from tins, or from frozen plastic bags. Jen’s food is bloated and swimming in sauce, or dry and crusted with breadcrumbs. She eats processed animal parts. She eats reshaped potatoes. She eats limp vegetables.


Tonight’s meal though, is not Father’s usual fare.


“Now come on honey-pie, sit,” Father says, patting the chair-back. “Sit down and eat up.”


Jen looks at the plate and twists her lips together. On the fold-out formica table, in the corner of the kitchen, Father has served a dinner comprised of nothing but three stones. Their surfaces are uneven but they are of a similar size and shape to eggs. Eggs with two rounded ends and no point. As Jen approaches the dull, beige table, the stones speak out in sharp, hollow clicks, moving with every step she takes, rocking back and forth, and drumming at the chipped plate, reverberating through the laminate.


“These are rocks, Father,” Jen points out, taking her seat.


Father breathes out slowly and leans forward. It places one of its hands on the back of her chair while the other grips the edge of the table.


“Now, honey-pie,” Father says, “none of your silly games. You eat up like a good girl.”


Jen narrows her eyes as she picks out a knife and fork from the many stacked in the world’s #1 dad mug that sits at the table’s corner.


“Honey-pie, don't be silly,” Father sing-songs as impatience creases the corners of its eyes. “You eat these with your hands.”


Father mimes, cupping one hand and raising its other hand to its mouth three times.

The cutlery slips from Jen’s hand and clatters against the laminate, adding more scuffs and scratches to lifetimes of wear. Father nods in encouragement as Jen reaches out and takes the nearest stone. She tests it, squeezing. Gritty and cold, it presses into her palm. She looks up at Father, desperate for some sign that this is a joke or a prank, but Father is still nodding, its eyes fixed on hers, its pupils moving up and down in their sockets as it nods and nods and nods.


“That’s it, that’s it,” Father says, opening its mouth wide and drawing out every vowel.


Jen places the stone against her upper front teeth. Her hand is shaking a little, the coarse surface of the stone scraping against enamel. Jen hears the grinding through her jaw more than her ears. She closes her mouth and pins the stone in place. Father is nodding still. Its eyes widen.


“I can't!” Jen mumbles around the stone before pulling it from her mouth.


“Damnit Sarah!” Father shouts, slamming its fist on the table, making everything jump.


Once the rattling of the stones has settled down, Jen hears the chair-back creak behind her. Sarah had been her mother’s name. Father can get confused when it gets upset. To placate it, Jen quickly places the stone back in her mouth.


“Good, good,” Father says, colour slowly returning to its knuckles, “now you just go on and take a bite, honey-pie. Ok?”


Jen suddenly has a thought.


This could be a test, like in the Sunday-school stories. If she trusts Father, she might rewarded. The stones may even be shells filled with sweets. And so, with a new-found brightness, Jen screws her eyes shut and bites down as hard as she can. She feels sweat prickle at her brow. She feels Father's hand on her shoulder. Jen feels a growing pressure in her teeth and in her gums and in her jaw.


There is a crack and a crunch.

The stones are filled only with pain and with blood and with the splinters of teeth.


And Father smiles.


-yotchki

I’m laid out on the sofa, cursing the droning hum of the air purifier. My head is gripped in a coarse vice of fatigue. My every joint is lined with sandpaper. I’m stretched out on the sofa and I’m almost in tears. I’m praying for sleep, trying desperately to bail the thoughts from my mind, begging the blank void to grant me sweet nothingness, when there’s a knock at the door.


I roll, dropping onto my hands and knees. I get to my feet and I’m zombie walking to the hallway. I’m padding along the icy, lino floor that’s sending jolts up the backs of my ankles with every, single, heavy, step. Then the texture of the floor changes and I’m slipping on one of the letters strewn about the hallway and I’m tumbling forward towards the door and I just manage to reach out in time and get hold of the latch. I twist the latch, push off from the door and lean back. The door begins to swing open but then it’s caught by the chain and I clunk to a stop and my head jerks back. I pull myself upright and I’m peering out at a thin, vertical slice of Joan from next door.


“Hello, Joan-from-next-door,” I mumble.


She looks me up and down, frowning at my bare feet before quickly rearranging her face into this polite mask with crinkled eyes and a half-smile.


“Hi there!” she beams, “How are you?”


“I’m okay, Joan,” I say, “pretty tired.”


“Good, that’s good. That you’re ok, I mean.”

She forces a small cough and shifts her weight from one foot to the other while I blink and blink and blink and open my mouth to pull my tongue down from where it’s stuck to my pallet.

“We heard that we may have been making quite the racket last night,” Joan from next door says, or asks, or maybe sings.

It sounds like there’s a lilting to her speech that’s meant to impart some subtle meaning. It just confuses me.

So I say, “okay.”


“We may have unintentionally disturbed some people?”

Definitely a question that time and she’s nodding expectantly and I feel as if I’m messing up some sort of call-and-response, as if I don’t know my part in all this.


So again I say, “okay.”


“Well,” she looks past me at the snow-drift of post against the wall, “we received a call from Environmental Health you see. Apparently someone was disturbed. They decided to complain to the authorities, instead of being neighbourly and coming to speak to us personally.”

I have no idea what she’s talking about.


“I didn’t hear anything Joan.” I say while straightening up to block her view of the windowed-envelopes, take-away menus, and ignored correspondence.


“Oh good. That’s good. I’m glad you managed to sleep through the racket at least.”

She pulls her cheeks and lips apart like she’s trying to show me as many of her teeth as she can.


“No,” I correct her, “no sleep for a while actually.”


“Oh dear, oh dear. We are so sorry.” She’s hiding her teeth now. “It’s the bees you see.”


“Bees?” I ask.


“Yes, the bees! All the bees that live with us. They need to fly when the nights get warm and the swarm was clamouring to be let out. The buzzing got to be quite loud apparently.”


She’s making so little sense it hurts. There are no bees. What the hell is she talking about?


“What the hell are you talking about, Joan?”


“Our bees.” She repeats.


“Bees?” I‘m saying again, my head just surfacing from a thick puddle of confusion, “Like for honey?”


“That's our honey!” Joan shouts.

I plunge back down into the confusion and I’m only able to blink and then she’s speaking again.

“It must have been what was keeping you awake. All the bees...”


She’s opened her face to show off her teeth again but this time she doesn’t actually stop speaking. She’s still stuck on the word bees, forcing it out at me from behind those pearly-whites. She’s hissing and buzzing through her clenched teeth and I can feel a dull rumbling tremor grow in my chest and I want to scream at her, to make her understand how crazy she’s being, but the vibrations start to swell and I’m shaking, I’m wrenching as I see the swarm start to crawl out from her ears and I’m heaving as her eyelids bubble and bees start spilling from her eyes and her teeth finally part and there’s bees pouring from her mouth, they’re tumbling down her chin and her chest and taking wing and spreading out into an undulating, hissing mass of a million wings drumming at the air and then the dreadful, opened-up hive that is Joan-from-next-door and all of it’s bees say, “Knock, knock!” And…

I’m laid out on the sofa, cursing the droning hum of the air purifier.

-yotchki

My mind was on the mess of papers stuffed inside the filing cabinet. I'd been pouring over my investigations into, let's call it my condition, when Mr Brace interrupted me with the telephone's rattling dance. He'd called from the phone-box downstairs just moments ago and wouldn't be dissuaded from coming up. There was barely enough time for me to scrape together my clippings and notes, to get my less-than-sane looking research into the filing cabinet and out of sight before he’d made it up the stairs. Those dark parts of my life committed to paper now sat crumpled at the bottom of that dull, steel tower; years of asking and looking and digging and hunting, left cowering in the dark because of this impatient, entitled prick.


Brace's panicked footfalls barely slowed as he hit the door, flinging it into the bookcase behind. My bookcase, though, does not take any guff, especially from the likes of Brace, and it gave him the door right back. He took a good hit to the leg, cursed under his breath, and closed the door with a hard smack. The door did not respond again.


Brace brought in the smell of too many cigarettes and too little soap. He had the beaten, washed-out look of a failing salesman. The look of a man who sold carpets or vacuum-cleaners; a man telling himself he was doing just fine, that good days were just around the corner, while he remortgaged some rat-hole office and worked seven-day weeks; a man under-slept and overweight, with haemorrhoids and a stomach ulcer and, perhaps, a drinking problem. Brace’s shoes were old but polished. His suit, worse for wear and a bad fit that was somehow both crumpled and tight. His hat, with its water stains and crooked brim, topped off an ensemble that looked as if it owed a little money to a lot of people.


”Well?” He said. His voice, panic stirred with accusation.


”Well what, Mr Brace?”


”You said you'd found her!”


The poor bastard. I felt pity creeping up my chest before I remembered the time it would take to wade though the screwed-up mess of papers in the filing cabinet. I lifted my feet off the corner of the desk and turned to face him square.


”I have completed my investigations and you will have a full report by Monday,” I rattled off the message I'd left in a flat monotone, “does that sound like demand to see me immediately and don't take no for an answer to you, Mr Brace?”


”Less of the cheek, lady. You've done what you were hired for. Just tell me what you found.”


We stared at one another for a moment but, surprisingly, Brace did not blink, nor did he look away.


”I'm going to need my fee before that, Mr Brace.”


”You'll get your money, woman! Just tell me!”


He slapped his palm onto my desk.


”Now, normally I wouldn't demand payment like this,” I continued, ignoring him, “but you strike me as a fairly hot-headed individual and there's a concern that you won't want to part with money in exchange for bad news.”


”It's bad news?” he blurted, his hand still splayed on the desk, spreading sweaty condensation from between his clammy fingers.


”My fee, Mr Brace,” I said, while reaching over my shoulder and fishing an invoice from the tray on top of the filing cabinet.

I placed the slip of paper on the desk and he slid his hand over to take it, then sank into the seat. His jaw tightened as he looked the paper over, his eyes eventually falling to the bottom line.


”£165, Mr Brace.” I said. “You'll see that's including expenses.”


Brace grunted and shifted in the chair, working his hand between the seat-back and his arse. With his wallet successfully extracted, he began clumsily thumbing at the leather and notes. After a deep breath, he calmed a little and managed to select an appropriate assortment of paper currency. He pulled out the notes, folded them once and held the wad out over the desk. As I leaned forward to take my money, Brace lifted it out of my reach while our eyes paired off once again.


”Where is my wife?” his voice was quieter this time, calmer.


I stood up, Brace's eyes still held in mine, and I relieved his hand of its burden. My desk drawer squealed open and I swapped out the notes for a stack of photographs. The drawer closed with a dull groan as I tossed the photos at Brace.


”I tracked her spiritual adviser to a farm in the dales,” I said, sitting back down as he reached for the photographs, “he's some kind of priest now, charitable tax status and everything. Runs a commune with a bunch of strays. Burn-outs and runaways, that sort of thing. But they and your wife appear to be there of their own volition. No signs of coercion or kidnapping.”


Brace had been busy flipping through the photographs, his eyes soaking up the leaves of flat truth, but he'd stalled at a particular picture. And I knew just the one. A small room. One bed. Two people. A frame filled with sheets and skin and sweat. The kind of picture you don't want to get caught looking at, let alone taking. People talk about free-love and sexual liberation, but most still want it in the dark, behind a locked door. I do find parts of my job distasteful. All the stacks of filth I've got squirrelled away. But I'm afraid private lives and dirty secrets are my bread and butter and I can't afford much by way of a conscience.


”She's with that goddamned hippie?” he stammered, “but I love her!”


I thought I'd better let him get the bile out before I continued.


”I gave her everything she ever wanted. She wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for me!” He shouted at the photograph.


”As you say, Mr Brace, she's conducting an affair.”


He didn't look up.


”That, along with your separation over the past few months, should see to a quick and inexpensive divorce.”


”Divorce?” he echoed, eyes still on the photograph.


”I did tell you to prepare yourself for this very eventuality, Mr Brace,” I said, in my best attempt at a conciliatory tone.


”But,” he finally looked up, “that's just something you say to everyone, surely?”

His voice was equal parts desperation and defeat. It could still go either way.


”I do, Mr Brace, and do you know why?”


His eyes were still on me. Looking out over his wife and her hippie, holy-man lover.


”I say it because, ninety-nine times out of a hundred, that's the way it is.”


I turned away from his wet eyes and found myself looking at the filing cabinet. Then I remembered the bottle I had in there. And then remembered the stuff that made the bottle necessary. When I looked back, all of Brace was still there, weeping and salty and pathetic.


”At least now, you know,” I said.


Brace avoided catching sight of his wife again as his head fell forward. The photographs flapped their way to the floor after his gaze.


”I'll have the completed file posted out to you,” I said, standing, “I suggest you pass it on to your solicitor.”


Brace was now defeat piled in a chair, bent over himself like a beaten question mark. As he had now ceased to move or speak, I quickly came to the conclusion that it was far past time he should leave. My first attempt to rouse him involved stomping around the desk and slamming my fist on the filing cabinet as I went. No reaction. I rattled the door knob and flung the door open, the bookcase knocking it back with a clatter into my hand. Still the sad heap in the chair. I kicked the chair-back gently. And then again, hard. The third kick nearly spilled Brace onto the floor but he just about caught himself, his head jerking up to attention.


”Good evening, Mr Brace,” I said.


His exit was slow but, thankfully, without fuss. Hopefully he'd be sad and broken for the rest of his days, but better that than show him what his wife and the rest of that frenzied rabble were actually up to in those desolate hills. With the wretch gone, I could at last liberate my mess of papers from the filing cabinet. Along with that blessed bottle. My desk drawer squealed before giving up a tumbler, which I quickly filled, then emptied and then filled again. And with the alcohol's jagged chill both calming and jump-starting my mind, I set about, once more, to make sense of my crumpled life.


-yotchki

It had been some kind of factory once, in the decades before the boy and his friend discovered it. The grass and the weeds had moved in since then, bursting between the bricks and growing to cover the collapsed walls. The crumbling factory had once been home to some mysterious, mechanised creation, and despite the wear and weight of time, some parts of it still stood. Almost three stories remained near the entrance, with an uneven, ever-decreasing sprawl stretching away towards the one remaining chimney.


The boy and his friend would race through the archways that leaped about the crumbling factory’s once-grand courtyard and they would explore the mouldering spaces within. Dank, red-bricked caves that shaded them from the summer sun and kept the wind from the fires they would set in winter. There were shadows that moved in the corners of those damp, dark spaces; shadows that sometimes whispered to them as the wind howled; shadows that would frighten them back into the daylight, where they would pass the time by climbing the disembowelled heaps of brick that had spilled from the crumbling factory; loose piles of faded crimson, spreading low and uneven along the valley’s slope, in squared and jagged dunes.


The boy and his friend learned to tell time by the shadow of the chimney standing worn but proud a short way back from the spilled walls. A home for birds now, roosting in the broken brickwork that towered precarious over where the boy and his friend played. They would occasionally harry these birds, hurling rocks high and clumsy towards the roosts when boredom or the mood for violence took them. And the boy and his friend were harried in their turn by older ones; by Not-Yet-Men that would gather in that place as the daylight began to leave it. On some evenings, girls would join those older ones, after they’d dislodged the boy and his friend with insults and threats. On some of those evenings, the crumbling factory became home to mysterious games of adolescent fumbling; to excited, clumsy explorations that had a habit of becoming their own accidental acts of creation.


The boy and his friend were terribly afraid of the older ones. Afraid that the threats of terror and shame would be visited upon them should their flight from the crumbling factory be too slow. But fear, as it often does, eventually gave-way to curiosity, and the boy and his friend set themselves to finding a place from which they could watch the mysterious goings-on in the crumbling factory at twilight. Searching the upper levels, around the old production floor, they eventually settled on a vantage that suited them; a small room with a wall and part of the floor fallen away to provide a clear view of the space below. The cavernous room beneath was littered with old mattresses and abandoned car seats, beer bottles and cigarette butts, and all the collected detritus of bored adolescence. From their corner, in their room, the boy and his friend would be able to survey, in secret, the site of the older-ones’ evening rituals.


The boy and his friend worked the day transporting piles of the old, red bricks up to their new hide-away. They worked the afternoon, stacking them into a rough wall near the edge of the room’s fallen floor, leaving gaps here and there through which they could view evening’s activity. And eventually, as the sun fell, the older ones came, shouting their threats and insults while roaming the crumbling factory’s exterior, before making a lazy search of the spaces within. The boy and his friend held one another tight as the older-ones stalked and called out to them, but the reconnoiter was half-hearted and they soon quieted, settling into their appointed places to begin their games. Large brown bottles were passed around. Song and chatter and laughter echoed about until the bottles were emptied and, finally, spun on the ground to whoops and shouts. Before this ritual’s climax could begin in earnest though, the boy, growing a little too curious and leaning a little too far forward, disturbed his makeshift bunker and the wall gave out with a painfully slow moan. The boy and his friend crouched, frozen, as the bricks fell away before them, disappearing with dull, chalky clatters into the room below.


In the short silence that followed, the boy and his friend did not wait. They turned and raced through the nearest broken doorway, scrambling together, deeper into the crumbling factory. They heard footfalls and threats from a corridor behind them as they spun wildly in the gloom, looking for an escape. The boy saw a staircase at the end of the hall. Rough concrete stairs with an iron scaffold railing, its corners spiralling down into the gloom. The boy grasped his friend’s hand, rushing onward and down. Together they fled from the terror, twisting down the staircase into the depths and the dark.


The boy led his friend at random, desperate to put some distance between them and the older ones. The gloom soon grew too dark to see and they were forced to stop. The boy felt out a corner in which to settle and to soothe his crying friend. He held his friend in a tight embrace, both for comfort and to muffle the sound of his friend’s sobbing. Time passed slowly in the dark but an eventual consistent silence assured the boy that the older ones had not braved the factory’s innards. The boy grew bored and then grew brave, while his friend shivered in the dark. He decided to scout out the darkness in search of a way out, promising to return and lead his friend to safety. 
 The boy fumbled at the walls, guiding himself away from the soft sounds of his friend’s fear. Onward into the dark depths of that crumbling factory he stumbled, turning this way and that, going forward then back, growing increasingly convinced that he was lost. Eventually, tired and afraid, he came to a stop, leaning back and sliding down the wet stone wall. The boy rocked back and forth, hugging his knees. And then he began to cry.


After a time, between his sniffs and sobs, the boy heard a voice. It was a voice of many whispers and it seeped out from the shadows that wrapped themselves about him. The voice scared him at first but he managed to calm himself enough to listen. And within that whispered static the boy heard promises. The darkness said it would show him, said it would open itself to him. The darkness would deliver him to the surface, but at a cost. He must give up his friend. That other must remain, a sacrifice to the darkness. 
 The boy knew his answer immediately. It had settled in his mind as soon as the offer was presented. But he pretended think. He made a show of wrestling with his conscience, working to build himself a more noble memory. So that, in time, when the boy looked back on this moment, he might be able to live with himself.


-yotchki

We were just trying to innovate, you know? To push things forward. We were trying to change things. It was a place built for people who could change things. A place for these dreamers, these space-heads, these geniuses. All of them with wild, out-there ideas and, thanks to Our Gracious Benefactor, the means to explore them. That's how they liked to be addressed, Our Gracious Benefactor. Each word capitalised. They could totally tell if you didn't pronounce it in capitals, if you were thinking in lower case. That got to be a saying with the white-coats, thinking in lower case, if you weren't willing to go far enough, weren't pushing things all the way out there.

This wasn't me, you understand, I wasn't trying to mess with fabric of stuff or break into some higher reality.

I'm not to blame, is what I'm saying. None of this was my fault.

I was writing press releases. Trying to make them sound less like off-brand Bond villains. I figured out marketing strategies for these things that fucked with reality, that twisted humanity. Just a hired geek trying to sell the end of the world.


It was the white-coats. They were the ones that actually did the things. Your Emmett Browns, your Professor Morriartys, your Doctor Dooms. They'd all been tempted away from studies and tenures, from cushy corporate research. These wannabe Einsteins, these Oppenheimers. From every discipline, every industry, all living and working in Our Gracious Benefactor's gleaming, futurist paradise. Far from government oversight. Far from petty protest. No funding applications. No interference. No questions. Our Gracious Benefactor ensured they'd be free to explore their own unique brand of crazy, fully funded and unfettered. Most didn't even care about money, not really. They just wanted the acclaim. So Our Gracious Benefactor got in people like me. Creatives playing yuppie-troubadour to the white-coat's scientist-knight.


A few demanded that their work not be used in any military capacity. Your hippie types mostly, your bleeding-hearts. So Our Gracious Benefactor had complicated contracts drawn up by lawyers, then checked through by other lawyers, then chewed up and shat out by some all-powerful lawyer's lawyer, by God's lawyer. And finally, these tree-huggers and these wetbags, they'd sign on the line that was dotted. Their worries soothed. Their consciences absolved. A lock-stock, death-free, guarantee. Benevolent applications only, for their disintegrator ray, or their temporal compressor, or their (no word of a lie) mind-control suppository. Come to think of it, the butt hypnosis guy came on board without any stipulations. Dude just wanted to work.


It couldn't last though. You see, things can only take so much messing with before they turn to complete shit. You fold and unfold the skin of the world enough times and it'll start to fray, start to tear. The stuff from between the layers starts to seep out; this snot of unmaking that bleeds through and breaks things down, this bile that dissolves realities, digests them and shits them up, and now that's everything. A world of shit. Loose and lawless and falling apart.


The big-hitters managed to escape the shit in time, of course. In their ships or pods, or through their portals. A few figured out how to ascend to some higher form of transcendental shit and left the rest of us behind, neck deep in it. And that's where we're at now. Stuck in safe-rooms and hot-suites. Passing the time while the outside splits and twists and fractures. A bunch of pen-pushers, safe and sound, watching everything end.

-yotchki

Dear Ms Elizabeth H. Tannen (circa 2029, timeline ref#8658grqx1),

We at Philanthropic Trans-Temporal are very happy to inform you that you have received an inheritance from one of your possible future selves!

We appreciate that this may be hard to believe, but if you check your bank account (xxxx1602), you will see that funds totalling $209,680, left to you by Ms Tannen (circa 2087 Timeline ref#8658gqrx0), have indeed been deposited into your account from the future. *

Please be sure to read the enclosed pamphlet thoroughly for a full explanation of the PTT Pay-It-Backwards Donation and Self-Inheritance system.

We hope you enjoy the lifestyle and peace-of-mind that such a substantial windfall affords you and please be sure to keep Philanthropic Trans-Temporal in mind for any future payments or transfers to the past.

Yours sincerely,

Dr Amanda Dane

CEO and Founder Philanthropic Trans-Temporal

* If funds are not present, please contact PTT client support on 0800 555 1955. (We regret that this number is only active AFTER 10-21-32. If your inquiry occurs before the above date, please leave a voicemail message with Abe's Fishin' Tackle & Tobacco on 555 1623 814 (be sure to state the date and time to avoid any mental fragmentation due to causal-reverberation triggered by pre-event resolution) and PTT will get in touch as soon as our customer support centre is up and running).

We urge all clients to make themselves familiar with the What Next section of the enclosed pamphlet so as to be fully prepared for the physical effects and/or mental strains caused by any retrotemporal branchings, annihilatory convergences, extradimentional geneses and/or any other such paradox-like complications, known or otherwise, that the client may experience due to this temporal/fiscal data redistribution within their timeline's root-branching filament architecture

All clients are hereby made aware that a client's future agreement to any services of PTT or its subsidiaries is retroactively binding under the Temporal Trade, Transfers and Communications act of 2030. As such, PTT cannot be held legally responsible for any injuries, ailments, psychoses, or other effects resulting from PTT's retro-temporal vector-shift of information within a client's timeline, on that client's future-self's behalf.

-yotchki