Loner
I think that's about the time I met the loner, Mr. Friend-Seeker. I wasn't looking for anybody, but he was and how he was. He was so lonely and told me, he couldn't understand. I thought he looked tame, good-natured, well-meaning. The kind of man that every mother dreams of. I took notice of him and I felt pity, and I made myself available. Offered my shoulder to cry on, you know. He took up on the offer and I felt pity. He came to me and just didn't go away. You do not understand...
At first – at first we had fun. Went out, we danced, we laughed, partied. I didn't see what was going on in his mind, I didn't realize. He was always there. Where ever I turned, he was there, he was breathing down my neck.He was always so eager to see me, but he always wanted more and it felt suffocating. So... I tried to avoid him, but it made everything worse. I tried to avoid him, but it made things worse.
When I first met him, I had a vision in a glass of darkness. He was looking in the mirror and his reflection turned away. Now I know why. His image knew what was in him. I only saw a glimpse through the cracks. Then the cracks widened, it all poured down on me.
These days I don't go anywhere. I don't dance, I don't talk, my laugh is a bit different. These days I don't go anywhere. There's nowhere to go. I may laugh different, my smile may be twisted. I may laugh differently, but he can't laugh at all anymore
Background info
Another way of telling this kind of story was The Lonely One, but this was what ended up on Id|entities. This version drew inspiration from a real life Friend-Seeker I had encountered, who followed me everywhere (mostly digitally) and who I ended up treating badly just to get myself back.
It is not a part of my life I look back on with any kind of pride, but that loner broke something in me that’s taken years to rebuild. They were very much trying to push me into their mold, trying to make me the me they had built an idealized image of (an image real me could never live up to). If only I saw the error of my existence and changed!
My somewhat creepy video for Loner is on YT. Some day I’ll get around to switching to PeerTube, I swear!
Fedizen of the mastodon.art at @ovro@mastodon.art, come say hi.