You say that “yes all men” is an overreaction But what you don’t realise is that we are OVER your reaction, Your actions, your inactions, Your inability to distinguish between generalisation and overdramatisation Is what fuels the cries of “yes all men”

I was part of the problem. I remember one night, talking to my best friend About this girl who I thought was leading me on, Giving me attention and generally being polite. I was fixated on her, so everything made me think she was into me That I had a right to feel hurt when she said she wasn’t Over and over again That I had a right to be angry That I had a right to say vile things about her That I had a right My best friend, a girl, like most of my friends, She didn’t speak up that night, She just smiled and nodded, So I must have been right I must have been right to feel these things I must have been right to say the horrible things I said I must have been right It was my right. The guys at school laughed and agreed Told me “fuck that bitch” “What a whore” That only fuelled the rage more I was right It was my right

Can you imagine how the whole world shifted when I realised who I was? Can you imagine going from being part of the problem, To seeing the problem Trying to fix the problem To living the problem

The first time I went out while out, The teenagers in their shitty car Wearing their school uniforms My uniform The uniform of a place I loved and respected They jeered, they whistled and told me they’d be back. My bus took too long to come that day, But they took even longer

Of course, nobody experiences catcalls like that They never happen Just ask the internet, Plenty of guys will tell you so They’ll tell you how women make this up To feel better about themselves To feel wanted To make other women jealous That they tell these lies to make men look like vultures, Buzzards circling the walking meat that is all a woman is to them That these things cannot happen They never happen

It was my first day being viewed as a women, The first strangers to see me that day made me fear for my life The first interaction I had as a women Left me crying, trying to figure out if I needed to go home Or if I could hold on until I met my friends

But is it all men? Of course not It’s not all men, just the first ones I ran into that day It’s not all men, just the first random stranger to come up to my friend when we went clubbing Who followed her around for over an hour trying to get some She made it clear she wasn’t keen, He hung around for another half hour Before finally getting angry and leaving It’s not all men, just that one guy crossing the street later that night, The one who stopped me and my girlfriend at the edge of the road Who put his arm around my waist while staring at my girlfriend It’s not all men, just the ones who whistle and toot as they drive past While I'm walking in the dark, already fearing for my life

Being out as trans, as non-binary, is so draining I always laugh and say “it’s the prep” “The time it takes to get my hair right and my makeup passable” “I have no practice and it takes twice as long as it should” But it’s not It’s the time it takes to plan the shortest possible route, Through the most populated areas, The most possible time spent on ONE bus, Avoiding standing around near groups of people, Avoiding anywhere where the young men are. It’s having to work out the timing to be served by a woman, So that the men won’t stare too long, Find cracks in what they think is a facade but is just my inexperience It’s trying not to let them see that I am not what they think, While telling myself I am equal to you, That I AM what they think I am It’s trying not to be too clingy to my friends, Trying not to hide in the crowd too much, To ask for too much support It’s trying to convince people that I’m not fishing for compliments, I’m just genuinely scared and insecure

It’s knowing that a man can kill me, And get away without doing anything By saying “I panicked” Because I am not a person, I’m their worst nightmare I am a freakshow I am a walking contradiction They felt entitled to me in some way Because they thought I was a woman, And upon deciding I wasn’t, They “panicked”, And I died

It may not be all men, But it’s men that I’m afraid of.