Gerty's Thinky Thunksblog

I regard cynicism as the inevitable result of too much disappointment.

If I have realistic expectations that were unfulfilled more often than fulfilled, then the logical lesson to learn from that is, I'm more likely to expect disappointment than not, and meet my fulfilled expectations with surprise.

Newsflash Yes, logical learning from life experience is a thing. Who knew, amirite? [End Newsflash]

I remember one time awaaaaayyyy back in the 80s, I saw Steven Spielberg in an interview, and he was saying

“[paraphrased] I'm quite cynical, and well, [end paraphrase, start direct quotation] we live in a cynical society”

(I've no clue if he still thinks this)

And I remember thinking at the time

“Society can't be cynical, 'society' is an abstract concept that is not alive and has zero capacity to be cynical or disappointed or happy or bargain-hunting. It's people who have to be cynical or not, disappointed or not, happy or not, or bargain-hunting or not.”

Nowadays when describing my experiences with red flags alerting me to recognise problematic people early on, I often use that memory as an example.

Generally I note that one easy-to-spot early red flag behaviour is when the person abdicates responsibility by blaming stuff on “society” or unspecified “people” instead of owning their shit in emotionally healthy ways, e.g.

Society is too permissive. vs I felt so uncomfortable when I saw [women in form-fitting or revealing clothing] and I thought [acknowlegement of unwanted internal misogyny and slut-shaming]

or

People are so full of shit. vs When [named individual] lied to me at [time and place] about [named people or things] I felt so sad and frustrated.

or

People keep telling me how [vague compliments] I am, and how [more vague compliments] my [named accomplishment] is. vs Frank and Stanley told me at Alma's party that my hot-air balloon representation was an innovative example of abstract macaroni art.

Wait, how did I get to red flags from cynicism and disappointment?

My tangents can be so inconvenient sometimes.

Oh well. :)

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