The Scold's Bridle

March 7, 2025

When I see the vitriol directed at women and other marginalised folks online I'm often reminded of the scold's bridle. This particular reminder was WeDistribute's article on Fedionfire and how the Fediverse backlash caused it to shutter. [2]

It was an article that was particularly disappointing from WeDistribute after they published the Nexus of Privacy's 8 Tips for Developers article. I felt WeDistribute was rather punching down on the community there. [13]

We saw similar opinion pieces around the Fediverse on BridgyFed and on Threads when folks decided to band together for the Fedipact.

There's a push and pull between those who want smaller communities and those who want to “Facilitate Network Discovery”. You've a lot of marginalised folks on the Fediverse, LGBTQ+ folks, Women, BIPOC, disabled folks. There's complexity in our communities and reasons why some folks want to organise in the open, but don't necessarily want to be searched for.

But as usual, backlash happens, and hurt white feelings abound. Somehow the community who never asked to be collated get called out as the hysterical folks who just need to shut up.

It's the need to shame the shamers because you felt scolded. We harshed your buzz and goodness, don't you just want to make us pay for it so we never do it again.

What is the Scolds Bridle?

It was a form of punishment mainly of outspoken women or gossips or Scolds. It was an iron cage with a spiked bit that would pierce your tongue if you tried to speak. The scold would wear the bridle for an amount of time, often being led around the area. It was a painful, humiliating punishment. [3]

Scolds weren't the only folks punished, it was used against Quakers preaching as well. So let's be clear on this. The Branks as they were also known were used to subjugate women. To shame them and be an example to others to not speak up. A violent state punishment to protect the status quo.

We never asked for you to collate our posts

Some of us found out that Fedionfire took posts from the public firehose. [1] We weren't very happy about it, some folk snarked. There were threats as well.

Folks don't send threats to the developer. Pointing and laughing are fine though. For one thing, I've found some devs tend to have very thin skins when it comes to mockery.

In all seriousness though, We shouldn't have to keep pushing back. I've literally written a couple of essays about Consent and the Fediverse. [5], [6]

We care about consent on here. It is possible to ask folks if the thing you are doing might upset people because you are collating their posts without their permission. Heck, there's a list of previous developers who haven't cared and had serious pushback on it. Don't just listen to other CIS white developers who don't see anything wrong with it. Especially if they feel Facebook being in our space is so cool. As I wrote in Consent and the Fediverse, there's a reason some of us left.

But let's address just why there's a backlash against the backlash. White Supremacy is fearful of rage when it doesn't come from a cis white man.

Feminine Rage

Why did such a thing as the branks exist? Why do men feel the need to reply guy back to women explaining the world and the experience they live in? Why do we have Christofacism hand in hand with Trump in the Whitehouse? Why is there such a need to undo progress?

Why do some folks in the Fediverse feel this need to punch down on Folks like WelshPixie and the admins on the Fedipact?

The thing that I note is that it is very often white cis male developers who do these things. When people push back, there are a lot of hurt feelings. There are accusations of harassment.

Men are scared of feminine rage. They fear the scolding. Not just because their feelings of doing something bad may make them feel bad. There's some misogyny to work on there. There's some racism to work on. There's homophobia to work on. This is our socialisation to uphold White Supremacy.

As a cis woman, I've been socialised to keep my rage in. To be nice. To provide feedback nicely. To ask nicely and to advise nicely. I hold in my rage. It's a rather tenuous thread at this point. I'm not sure what would happen if it snapped.

I find it very hard nowadays to keep that rage in, every time I see another scraper, or pulling from the firehose tool. Sometimes it's physically painful to keep the scream of anger and tears in. But I do. My iron branks are mental, my socialisation. I know to scream out will hurt my career. There's the spike in my tongue and the spike pierces in so much further for others. The consequences for speaking out would be so much worse for some folks in our spaces.

I find it hard to keep my rage in every time we point out that we'd like to opt in for people reusing our posts. Or to have my phone not try to send back my metadata to a centralised point.

When I express mild annoyance, I get the odd patronising reply guy message. “Well that's the way the world works, Honey, Don't you worry your purty little head about it. Now just shut up and take it.”

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. We aren't Maenads who don't understand how the Fediverse works. Nor are you developers Orpheus.

I find your song of code lacking, out of tune because of your privilege.

As you ask for us to be forgiving like Mummy and your friends pat you on the back because we were so mean. As your fellow developers and fanboys talk as if we had torn you apart.

Dude. There's a reason lots of us push back.

We claw our way out of the pit of our backgrounds, into the light to live, to exist, to organise. Then you lot decide to take a bunch of our public posts without our permission, you don't seem to understand we'd like some control over where our public posts go. Who we want to work with. [1]

The flippant answer of “duh just don't post,” is shallow. It's exclusionary. It shows how little danger you've had to face. How little abuse. How much you've bought into rape culture rather than consent culture. Silicon Valley is very much the result of White supremacy. The meritocracy is a myth. We're reaping the political consequences of believing that lie right now. Meanwhile, you witter on about your hurt feelings and how harsh that criticism was.

Girls. It's utterly feminine to feel that rage, that incandescence. It's feminine to want to lift that baseball bat and smash. It's also feminine to find the words to tell those developers, why it's wrong. Or like, just link to the Nexus Of Privacy's 8 tips for Fediverse Developers. Because I can guarantee most of them won't have read it. If they had, they would ask before launch if their project should be opt-in. [12]

And so we continue ad-nauseum.

The pushback against the opt-in, that need to reply-guy back comes from the same desire that the branks came from.

To shut up the marginalised. To humiliate them, to scold them back into compliance.

It's why I think WeDistribute punched down. That article was written from the desire to support the developer and push back against folks.
It's why they may not see it as punching down. They will probably see this as me punching down.

It's the desire by others to perpetuate the harassment that Folks face on the Fediverse for stating their boundaries loudly and clearly. To hide and re-frame the issues of harassment marginalised folks face. We're interfering with the Fediverse Utopia by stating our boundaries.

But I should be fair because the Devs aren't the only tech folks scolding the marginalised for requesting that their human rights be respected. You only have to look at the debate around alt text and see some high-profile accounts call folks “Scolds” when all they asked for was some alt text for a screenshot.

We all have work to do on this, on our biases to learn to listen and not react. I've spent a month not reacting. I'm still incredibly disappointed and angry.

I honestly expected better of my community. It was disappointing to read that article. It was disappointing to see someone I respected in tech go on about Scolds. Well done on dropping your mask on the ableism there. If you really can't be arsed doing the alt text for a screenshot or even asking for someone else to do the alt text for you, why bother with the picture? Well done on the punch down.

Sometimes I suspect that if the branks were around today, some of you would be the first folks to put it over my head. To slide the bit in, to tug on the bridle and break teeth. You'd take pleasure from me not being able to speak. To express my rage.

So yes, this is a scold.

The Internet form of the Scolds Bridle is politeness, it is tone policing. It is the threat of doxing and violence. For the same reasons, we disrupt the idea of the status quo. No one likes to be told they are harming others. [11]

We don't like the idea that we perpetuate harm, particularly in FOSS.

I'm tired that we have to protect our safety and justify our existence in public. I'm so tired of the fact that LGBTQ+ and BIPOC folk have to hold in that rage. Even if on occasion we do feel so angry there's almost a visceral need to tear “something apart” to burn it all down.

Oh hey, looks like the tech bros are doing it for us. What do you mean? Not that way?

I'm so tired and angry that our human rights are fucked and the SWF is happy to let Facebook into our spaces to determine how Activity Pub 2.0 should benefit Zuckerberg's creepy surveillance data hoarding to feed LLama.

I'm so tired of the rapey vibes I get from developers who would prefer us to opt out rather than consider building the opt-in. It's not that hard. It's what just my toots do. You look at my mastodon profile you see a link to just my toots. Which I opted into.

Why is it so hard for the Fedibros to get consent? Why do we keep having to do this? Holding in my rage is tiring. So I try to direct it, to use my rage at the world and to speak up for others if they haven't the energy at the moment to do so themselves. This post isn't my first scolding and nor will it be my last. [5 to 8]

If you're a guy and you're wondering what to do? Take a look at the culture around us. When you see your friends doing the reply guy thing? Call it out.

Is your friend doing some kind of Fediverse project that's a bridge? Ask questions, and ask them if they are going to make the service opt-in.

Keep calling out predatory behaviour, whether it's apps or real life. I know they are your friends, but if you're scared of losing their regard. They aren't your friends. You're their fanboy.

If you don't see what's wrong with their behaviour but you're feeling a bit attacked right now? Be brave, step back. Take a breath and listen to what folks are saying rather than reacting.

We are at a stage in history where we need to band together and I want to work with people who don't want to bridle me but to work with me.

Be braver. It's braver to take the hit to your idea of yourself, rather than punching down on the vulnerable.

cobbles