The Others
A recent Guardian Article about far right groups in the UK growing on Facebook got me thinking. Reading some of the comments published reminded me of the undercurrent I grew up with in my childhood village. [1]
I grew up reading body language, before I could talk I could mimic. I'd had to learn that language because of my household. Outside that household as I started to walk and talk I'd see folks attitude to my disabled parent and my family.
I grew up watching ableism. I knew some folks didn't think my parent should have been allowed to have me. They also couldn't understand why my non disabled parent loved that disabled parent. There were occasions when my disabled parent would be upset over something someone had said about them, and about me.
Plus being a small child, you'd be amazed at how folks either don't notice you are there, or think that you won't understand what they mean. I could read Arthur Conan Doyle at nine years old and I'd been reading childrens novels from the age of six. I could read silently really well, reading out loud not as well, but I could understand language. I loved reading and devoured books.
When adults think that you must be developmentally backward in someway (because of a disabled parent) you'd be appalled at what's said around you.
I'd ask my non disabled parent, and that parent did their best to explain to the letter and no further. But I grew up knowing some folks didn't think I should exist and they were surprised I wasn't disabled in some way. I knew that some folks felt my family were wrong. Our family was othered.
Before I knew the word Eugenics, the meaning was made clear. My existence was not approved of. Some folks if they'd had their way would have ensured my disabled parent would have been sterilised. So I grew up with a politicised existence. Not as politicised as some, as when I moved away, as I went to a new high school then university, no one knew I had a disabled parent (by that point in time two disabled parents) unless I told them.
I'm cis, white and fairly privileged. Doesn't change the fact I grew up in a small village with folks who were ableist and in some rare cases Eugenicist. Long COVID has shown me, that I'm being very generous, there's more eugenicists in my groups both professional and personal than I thought.
Folks are shocked at MAGA and Reform rising in popularity. I was shocked with Brexit. But I'd been ignoring a very inconvenient truth. Many folks always supported those kind of parties.
They were waiting for permission for their racism and ableism to be spoken about openly. We facilitated that speech while ignoring the right of free association in safety.
Very often privileged folks, particularly in FOSS do not choose to understand why someone's existence may be political.
There's a discomfort when those of us who grew up learning this the hard way, point this out. There's a discomfort when we state our boundaries. Some folks find the sudden discomfort of empathy and guilt is hard. So you lash out.
Privileged folks can't tolerate discomfort. Whereas for the rest of us it's a walk in a shitty, obstacle laden park and we'd like to clean it up. But your comfort just can't tolerate the huge piles of shit that you helped to pile up over our paths. It hits us just as hard. But we've not had the privilege of being able to ignore it, we've not stepped on others so we didn't get shit on our shoes.
Suddenly we aren't presenting our backs for you to step on. We refuse to enable your comfort. So there's backlash against DEI and as Fatma Aydemir points out in the Guardian it's not fatigue it's strategy. [2]
We can see it in DHH and Palmer Luckers salivation over the resignation of most of the Moderation Team in NixOS. We can see it in folks characterisation of empathy for others and making accessibility affordances as “the woke mind virus”. [3]
Folks, these men are rich. If they get disabled, they will still have the comfort of the world around them. They don't care if you get laid off. They won't pay your families medical bills and you are one bad accident or infection away from life ruination and struggle. It's why so many of us poor disabled folk know that the only way forward is to find that empathy. To help others where we can. To spread the idea of mutual aid, and when we can help each other. You'll fundraise for Blue and then wonder why the rest of us won't vote for your status quo.
We knew how shit the world could get. You'd have a better world investing in your local community and community fridges and free libraries. Not expecting the Democrats and Labour to look after you. They've been captured by the corps, it's the nature of a centralised democracy when the population doesn't exercise it's right to protest or actively care about politics. It's what happens when you consistently vote for the least worst option. That's not democracy.
As we've said in our presentation at Fluconf, “Our values demand sacrifices.” My father gave up his career and comfort to ensure my brother and I could heal. He's very proud of what we both try to do within our communities. [4]
Some folks are scared of protesting and losing that livelihood, because they know no one will help them. This is how we become divided. This is how tyranny grows and we become isolated and alone. So how do we counter this?
You need to find your folks. You need to start learning the idea of community and cooperation. It's not always about what concrete work someone can do. Sometimes it's the person who manages to stop a dispute and just does lots of small background stuff. You'll never see them. But they work hard.
You need to reach out to your small groups and see where you can help. Even if it's the local community and helping out by doing a pot luck. Get to know your community. Learn and listen.
Protest movements grow because people band together and are prepared to support those folks who protest. People love to quote the first they came for poem. But the thing that they appear to miss is the community aspect. Fascists are good at dividing people. It's a lot harder to go to gatherings and break bread. To learn about other folks and be open to getting it wrong but being gently corrected. Yes it hurts when you realise you have offended someone, but rather than say they were wrong, you must sit on that discomfort. You will feel discomfort from time to time, because to err is human. Most folks will be forgiving, but not if you take out your pain on them.
That discomfort means your empathy is growing. Much like when muscles tear. It will get stronger if you work on it.
Communities will support one another, will hide people from the authorities. I'm literally only alive because a local community resisted the Nazi's and hid my Grandfather. He in turn helped others out of France, including a vulnerable family.
My other Grandfather was a trade unionist. He went on strike. When you go on strike you rely on the rest of your community to help you out with shelter and food. Folks banded together so that rent got paid. Thatcher didn't just break the unions, she broke the community around them. That's how Capitalism works, it needs for you to focus on the nine to five so you're too scared of falling as no one will catch you. It's why the social safety net has been systematically destroyed.
Mutual aid is so much more than just begging for cash. It's a recognition of community and support. In person in a local community it's literally feeding other folks kids. We were poor growing up, but my father always made sure there was space at our table for visiting friends.
Instead we are isolated in our fear and discomfort. Those of us on the left are used to fear, used to being mistreated. Examine your own discomfort and start listening. We will be suspicious, we can see your discomfort. But you need to do the work.
You will have the heartbreak of realising that your friends and colleagues will never have your back even as they say pretty words of ally-ship. So you cannot compromise, your values demand sacrifices.
If you've read through this, you've started. Sit on the discomfort for a while and then read some more.
We'll be waiting, breaking bread together, supporting each other.
[2] https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/sep/30/germany-anti-diversity-backlash-trump-afd
[3] https://devinprater.micro.blog/2025/08/13/beyond-parity-the-case-for.html